Total Drama Interviews
by xXxTDI AngelxXx
Summary: It's time to dig into the secrets of each individual camper. Meet our three crazy interviewers and submit your questions for each camper. Next interview...Beth!
1. The Interviewers

Disclaimer: I do not own this show or any of it's characters. And according to the fine print, I don't even own my own interviewers!!! They own themselves! I. Hate. The. Damn. Fine. Print.

Total Drama Interviews

Chapter One: Episode One: Interviewers

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Chris is standing on the dock of shame in front of the sign reading 'Camp Wawanakwa.' "Hello and welcome back to Camp Wawanakwa! We have returned this time to... renew some of the drama. This season we will interview each former camper and at the end we will stick them all in a room together for them to battle it out." he snickers a little at the last line, then a frown appears on his face. "Unfortunately I got sued for being too "pushy" and too "cruel". So even though I am still host, I can not give the interviews. So, I found three chicks to take my place and interview the twerps. Here comes one now."

The yacht pulled up to the dock and sitting on top was a girl looking out into the ocean listening to her i-pod. She snapped out of her day dream when she noticed she had arrived. She quickly picked up her black and blue duffel bag and jumped off the boat. She had a black, boyish t-shirt on that had a dragon on it. She wore skinny blue jeans and black tennis shoes. Her hair was medium length and was a mixture of light and dark brown. Her hair was layered and her bangs were split to both sides, with most of it falling to the right side. Her bangs covered part of her right eye. Her face was free of any make up. "Sup dude?" the girl asked sticking out a fist.

"Nothing much, bra." he replied pounding her fist. "You must be Sarah, the Gothic tom boy."

"I am not Gothic! I just don't like bright colors." she replied crossing her arms.

"Alrighty then. Glad to have you aboard. Now that your here we are going to show the interview we gave you." Chris laughed crazily.

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The scene showed Sarah sitting in what looked like a old police interrogation room. There was only a table, two chairs, and a light bulb hanging from the ceiling. The walls and floor were concrete. Sarah is looking around the room nervously. Chris walks in and sits across from her.

Chris: Okay who do we have here? (_Looks through a stack of papers)_Oh Sarah! Okay first of all, why do you think you would be a good interviewer for Total Drama Interviews?

Sarah: Well, you want me to be honest?

Chris: It would help

Sarah: _(puts feet on table and places hands behind her head) _Well, since I am author of the story, I am technically in charge. So, since I want to be an interviewer, I'm going to be an interviewer. _(grins widely)_

Chris: Good enough for me. Okay next question. Who is your favorite camper?

Sarah: Duncan defiantly! He is just freaking awesome! But I have to say I really like Courtney, DJ, Owen, and Izzy too. Owen can fart like a god and Izzy is like my idol.

Chris: Oh Jesus, this is going to be interesting. I know I am going to regret asking this, but do you support any of the couples?

Sarah: Oh I am a die hard Courtney and Duncan supporter. Why wouldn't I be? They are both awesome! Geoff and Bridgette are okay too.

Chris: Wait, your not a crazy Trent and Gwen fanatic?!?!!?

Sarah: Nah, I'm sick of hearing about them. Plus Gwen started to be a real bitch and Trent is kinda wimpy, but he's alright. But I am not a screaming Gwen and Trent fan girl.

Chris: Wow, you are the only girl that doesn't like them. I like you already. Well that wraps up your interview. Have anything you want to add?

_Sarah: (turns slowly and dramatically to the camera and gives a satisfying burp)_

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Sarah stands there smiling. "Ah that was a good burp. Memories."

Chris looks at her with a curious eye-brow raised. "You really don't fit into just one stereotype do you?"

"Nope! I pretty much fit into them all. Except prep. I hate them."

"But you said Courtney was one of you favorites!" he exasperated.

Sarah smiled. "But she's a crazy prep, I can live with that."

"Okay then. Just make your way down to the mess hall."

"Will there be pasta?"

"Um, maybe?"

"Yay, Alfredo!" she dashed to the mess hall. Chris just looked at her in confusion. Then another yacht pulled up to the dock. This time there was a girl with long, dark, curly hair. She had short bangs across her forehead. She sat on the railing reading a hard back book in her hand. She quietly jumped off the dock when it came to a stop.

"Finally, one thats not crazy. So you must be Adrianna."

"Oh my god I can't believe I am here. This is awesome. Are there pandas here? I hope so. Pandas rock! Canadian cheese!!" the girl shouted franticly.

Silence fell upon the island. "Never mind then. Lets just get to the interview shall we?"

"We shall." Adrianna said in a deep voice.

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In the same room, you see Adrianna sitting in the chair looking around the room curiously, with Chris right across from her.

Chris: Lets get this over with. Why would you be a good interviewer?

Adrianna: Well, I'd be a good interviewer because I'd play the good cop bad cop and nail them til they gave me the dirt. Even if it meant making them cry!

Chris: Well, haven't heard that one before. Okay who is your favorite character?

Adrianna: I love Owen, Izzy, Duncan, Noah and Courtney. Maybe even Gwen, not sure yet. It depends.

Chris: Okay last question, what is your favorite couple?

Adrianna: Duncan and Courtney!!! They are so cute!!!

Chris: _(sarcasm) _Wow shocker. This interview is over.

Adrianna: Thank god. _(jumps on table and then runs out door)_

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Chris stares at footage in amazement. "Apparently the producers like the crazies. Go to the mess hall to hang with the other interviewer."

"Who is it?" she asked.

"This crazy bird named Sarah."

"Oh my god Sarah is here!?!?!?! TWINIE!!!!"

She runs off camera and there is the sound of screaming and breaking glass in the background. "Okay, really don't wanna know what just happened." His cell phone begins to ring a very catchy tune that is familiar to the show's theme song. "Talk to me.... uh huh.... uh huh.... alright then." He hung up the phone and smiled at the camera. "The third interviewer has had a slight obstacle getting here."

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The camera switches to a view of an airport through a security tape. "What do you mean my flight is full?" a girl screamed over the flight attendant behind the counter.

"All the seats are full ma'am." the woman answered politely.

"Well 'ma'am' that means that some homo took my seat." she said waving the ticket in the woman's face.

"I think you should take a seat and wait for the next flight." the woman said getting a little agitated now.

"I think I should get on this flight I booked!" her rant was interrupted but two pairs of big strong arms carrying her off the screen. Loud screams and curses could be heard for several more minutes.

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Chris giggles. "She will be a fun one! Now lets go to the mess hall so the girls can wrap this episode up." As they approached the mess hall, Chris heard loud banging and screaming. He opened the door and found that the girls had taken out all of Chef's pots and pans and had formed a drum set on each table. They were banging like maniacs and screaming inaudible lyrics. Chris found Chef in the kitchen under the table in a fetal position. Chris leaned down and Chef grabbed his collar and dragged him closer.

"Chris, man. They are psycho. Its like having two more Izzys! And believe me. I. Do. Not. Need. Another. Izzy!"

"Chillax bro, I got this." he grinned. He stood up and took out a blow horn that for some reason was in his back pocket and caused an annoying noise to fill the small room. The girls stopped banging and covered their ears until the noise stopped.

"Excuse me sir, may we help you?" Sarah asked innocently like there was nothing wrong. Adrianna was laying across a pot laughing like a maniac. The host lift his eyebrow in confusion and looked over to Sarah. "What? I forgot fun dip made her loopy. Oh wait no I didn't!" she laughed. Chris giggled slightly watching the girls carry on entertaining themselves with their own laughter.

"Alright girls, we need one of you to announce the rules of the interviews." Adrianna jumped up.

"I wanna do it! Hehe do. Like do do." she said between cackles.

"I think the less intoxicated chick shoulf do it."

Sarah shrugged and giggled at her friend's state. "Okay. Hiya there readers! This is called Total Drama Interviews, in case you all are blind. But then again, I guess blind people don't get much out of my fanfictions." she pondered out loud. The turned back towards the camera. "Okay, even though we will be doing the interviews, you all decide the questions. You submit the questions by reviewing. THE MORE QUESTIONS THE MORE FUN!" In the background Adrianna would occasionally scream in agreement to Sarah's statements. "Any who, you can make the questions as inappropriate as you want. What the hell do I care? You can submit however may questions you want. If I don't have a lot of questions then I probably won't update so tell your friends. We will go in order in who got voted off so submit questions for Ezekiel and ONLY Ezekiel. And again I am Sarah!"

"And I am Adrianna." she said appearing at her side.

"And this is Total. Drama. Interviews!" they said simultaneously as they lifted their arms in the air.

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This is my first TDI fic and my first funny fic. Please submit questions!!! And please review!!!!

*!!Sarah!!*

Special thanks to my buddy Adrianna for agreeing for me to exploit her ;P


	2. Ezekiel's Doom

Disclaimer: I do not own this show or any of it's characters. And according to the fine print, I don't even own my own interviewers!!! They own themselves! I. Hate. The. Damn. Fine. Print.

Total Drama Interviews

Chapter Two: Ezekiel's Doom!

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Sarah appears on the dock of shame wearing an exact replica of Chris' outfit with a fake mustache above her upper lip. "Welcome to this episode of Total Drama Interviews." she announced in a deep, fake voice. "Before we get to today's interview, I, Chris McLean, will introduce our final interviewer." A girl appeared next to him, as if by magic, with dark brown hair and brown eyes. She glanced around the camp suspiciously. "Auora, nice to have you with us!"

"Umm, Sarah?"

"No! I am Chris! That is Sarah." 'Chris' pointed over to 'Sarah' who was actually Adrianna dressed in a black t-shirt.

"Okay then?" she looked suspiciously at her friend. Suddenly Chris walked out with a smile, ready for his close up when he saw his dopple-ganger standing on the dock looking from side to side as if there was nothing wrong.

"What the heck is this!?!?!" he shouts.

"Oh my gosh! You snuck into my closet and stole my clothes!" Sarah yelled. "Stalker! Rape! RAPE!" She flailed her arms in the air and hid behind Auora who laughed at the scene.

He sighs, "This is going to be a LONG season. Sorry for the obnoxious introduction, Auora."

"No problem, me, Sarah and Adrianna are friends." Sarah hugs her from behind.

"See, she likes me better than you." she says sticking her tongue out at Chris.

Adrianna runs and joins in on the group hug. Chris lifts a curious eyebrow at the group. "Don't worry I could calm them down if I wanted to." Auora replies.

"Thank god! A normal one!" he exclaims.

"We are so, gonna drown her in sugar tonight." Sarah whispers to Adrianna. The two high five and giggle for what is to come.

"Any whos, the first interview is with Ezekiel, and here he comes now." The yacht pulls in yet again holding Ezekiel on it. He steps off and looks from girl to girl nervously.

"Um, hi girls." he stuttered.

"Okay, so who wants to interview Ezekiel?" Chris asked.

Adrianna jumps up excitedly. "Oh me me! I wanna do it!" She grabs Ezekiel hand and drags him to the trailer. Inside is a big arm chair and a couch. Ezekiel nervously takes a seat on the couch while Adrianna sits on the armchair. "Hi Ezekiel" she says rather creepily.

"Um, hi." he says quietly.

"Lets get on with it. Our first set of questions are from Coldstone288. Are you ready? It doesn't matter! Haha. Anyways, the first one asks, was there any girl on TDI you thought was hot?"

"I don't know, eh. I guess Bridgette was pretty. But most of the girls were mean to me, eh."

"They were probably mean to you because you were a sexist pig, but hey, just spit ballin' here. Then they ask what kind of music do you listen to out on the prairie?"

"I don't really listen to music that much, but when I do I like country and blue grass, eh?"

"Wow, shocker. They then ask if you made any friends at Playa de Loser?"

"I talked to a lot of the dudes, eh. Most of them seem pretty nice. Some actually talked back!"

"Congratulations." she said sarcastically. "Was the Z pendent Geoff's idea?"

"Actually I just kinda found it on the beach, eh."

"Okay that's really weird. Why did you swim in the hot tub at Playa de Loser?"

"Eh, water is water, eh."

"Okay. Thats it from that user. The next person who submitted a question was bluemoon2020b. Lets see how many we have here. Twenty four!?!?!?! Oh nelly, I'm going to need back up." She pulls out her cell phone and quickly dials the number. "Get over here stat." As if they were waiting, Sarah and Auora immediately run in through the door. "What were you two doing anyway?"

"Playing with an easy bake oven." Auora replied casually. She then turned frantic. "Whats the emergency? Is it a h-j-4-9-1-k?"

"Oh I am afraid its much more serious!"

"What is it?" Sarah asked frantically.

"Ezekiel Is. Boring!" Adrianna gave a long, dramatic pause between each word. Both girls loudly gasped.

"Oh the horror!" Auora screamed.

"You know I'm standing right here, eh?" Ezekiel commented.

"Shush cretin." Adrianna snapped. Ezekiel sunk into his seat.

"What can we do?" Sarah asked.

Adrianna pondered for a moment. "I'll need fifty gallons of play-do, a tub of lard, and one hundred packs of fun dip."

"Where are we going to get that?" Auora asked placing a hand on her chin. Beside her, Sarah grinned evilly.

"Oh, Chef!" she called walking out the door. Girly screams of terror could be heard in the background.

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Chef sits in the confessional cam breathing heavily into a paper bag. He removes the bag and looks up at the camera. Is that a tear in his eye? "Those girls man. They are freakin' scary. That curly haired one might not look like much, but she's a wacko. The newest one seemed normal at first, until she kept throwing random fruit at me. And don't get me started on the other little punk. She terrifies me. She tied me upside down to the flagpole just because we were out of juice. She doesn't even look that strong!" Suddenly a loud bang is heard from the outside of the confessional and Chef leaps up and yelps in surprise.

"Oh Cheffy, come out to play!" you hear Sarah's voice creep through the walls. Suddenly we see the confessional can slowly tip over. The camera fuzzes out when it hits the ground.

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Sarah walks in grinning widely at her accomplishment. She is pushing a wheel barrel full of play-doe and holding a tub of lard. "Where's the fun dip?" Adrianna asks.

"I told Auora to get it." A rush of wind came through the air, nearly tipping the trailer. The duo walked outside to find a helicopter dangling a fish net bellow. The fish net was full of fun dip. Auora sat in the drivers seat grinning. "I have taught her well."

Auora lands the plane and walks out. She throws the fish net over her shoulder and proceeds to walk towards the girls. "I idolize you." Adrianna said in amazement. The girls walk back in to find a very confused and terrified Ezekiel laying face down on the couch shaking.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~One Hour Later~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The girls are sitting on the floor eating fun dip and starring at Ezekiel. Next to them is a huge model of Camp Wawanakwa made entirely out of play-do. He keeps looking from girl to girl in pure horror. Finally after an hour of this he speaks. "Whats the tub of lard for, eh?"

"You'll find out shortly. I think I should probably continue the interview. Only... FORTY SEVEN QUESTIONS LEFT!?!?!!?"

"Sweet Jehosaphat." Auora said in amazement.

"Okay we have several questions submitted by bluemoon2020b. The first one is, what is life like on the prairie?"

"You know, waking up early, feeding the animals, eating, going to bed at around nine. Normal stuff, eh."

"Yup, completely average. Why did you shoot your mom in your audition tape?"

"I didn't mean to, eh? I thought it was a moose."

"Oh, I have a question!" Sarah raised her hand excitingly. "Why was your mom hiding in a bush anyways? And why would a moose be hiding behind a bush?"

Ezekiel shakes nervously. "Uh...u-uh... I...don't...know."

"Auora." Adrianna said. Auora then proceeded to take the tub of lard and throw a handful at Ezekiel.

"What was that for?" he screeched.

"Anytime your answers displease me, my dear friend Auora here will pelt you with lard." Auora grinned evilly while bouncing a ball of lard in her hand. Ezekiel continued to shake.

"Moving on. Was it really an accident or did you do it on purpose?"

"It was a complete accident, eh? I thought she was a moose."

"Thats what they all say." murmured Auora.

"Then they ask, if on purpose I ask again WHY!?!?"

"But I said it was an accident, eh?"

"Just answer the question!" Auora shouted while throwing another handful of lard at his face.

"Ahhh, I don't know okay? I guess it's cuz she made me clean my room, eh?"

"That's better. Now we have proof that Ezekiel is a homicide maniac." Adrianna said.

"But I-"

"Next question, how did it make you feel?" Adrianna interrupted.

"Uh, kinda bad, eh? I got spanked for it."

"Haha! Anywho, do you often mistake people for moose?"

"I do! I mistake people for moose all the time. Oh my god theres one now!" Sarah screamed. She pointed to a nearby lamp and then dove behind the couch.

The girls start laughing while Ezekiel just looked behind him in confusion. "Okay, since I like that answer way better than you possible could have given, we'll move on. Who will be your next target?"

"I don't know, eh? Probably just another moose."

"I wanna shoot stuff at Chef!" Auora said. Hearing this, Sarah jumped back over the couch and over to Auora.

"Oh can we mommy? Please please please!!!!"

"Before this gets weird, I'm moving on. Mainly because there are a bajillion questions and I really don't think Sarah wants to type out 50 pages."

"Thank you!" Sarah exclaimed.

"Would Izzy be one of your victims?"

"No, she's scary. She's like totally psychotic, eh?"

"You better not. Cuz me and bluemoon2020b will kick your butt so hard you'll have to clear your throat before you fart!" Sarah threatened.

"Ah, gotta love Kentucky. Anyhow, why did you sign up for Total Drama Island?"

"My mom and dad thought it would be good for my social life."

"Guess they were wrong." Auora snorted.

"Stop commenting on every response! This is going to make the story ten times longer!"

"Good, I'm going for a ten pager. We're already half way there!" Sarah punched the air.

"On with the questioning! There has been a rumor going around that you were trying to hit on Bridgette when you were in the hot tub. Is it true?"

"What do you mean by hit on, eh?"

"You know. Flirt, eh?" Aurora mocked.

"Oh, then no. I just thought she looked pretty."

"The next question has already been asked, so I'll move on. Is it true that you have a crush on Eva and she has a crush on you? And you two had a long make out session right when she came to playa de losers?"

"No way, eh? She scares me. She looks like she could eat me with one gulp. She won't see this will she?"

"Oh don't worry, we'll make sure she does. What do you think of the videos on YouTube that people made about you with what they consider to be your theme song? Do you agree that those would be your theme songs?"

"I don't have Internet at my house, eh? I don't even know what YouTube is."

A loud gasp spread across the group. "We will get back to that AFTER the interview! Now, if you could choose your own theme song what would it be?"

"Again, I don't listen to much music. But if I had to choose I would pick Rockstar by Nickelback, eh?"

The girls burst into laughter. "Yup, that definatly sums up your personality dude." Sarah says between laughs.

"The next question is, did the girls ever forgive you for what you said?"

"Some did, like Bridgette and Izzy, but some are still really mad, eh."

"Don't blame 'em. Do you agree with your team that you deserved to be voted off first?"

"No way, eh? I should have won."

"Yea, that was totally possible." Auora commented. She looked down to see Sarah resting her head in her lap asleep. "Why do I have a unconscious woman on me?"

Adrianna shrugs. "I guess she crashed after those twenty packs of fun dip she chugged. Okay moving on. Who did you want to be voted off?"

"Probably Duncan. That guy scared me." As soon as he said this Sarah's eyes snapped open and she charged toward him lifting up her sleeves.

"Thats it!" she screamed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Ten Minutes Later~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ezekiel is tied to a chair and gagged. Sarah is slapping him in the face with a rubber chicken repeatable. "Um, can I have my interrogation patient back?" Adrianna asks. Sarah pulls the cloth out of Ezekiel's mouth.

"Admit that Duncan is the coolest guy ever!" she shouts.

"Okay okay he's awesome, eh?"

"That's better, but your still not getting untied." She walks back over to Auora and sits down looking like she was a little angel."

"Okay then. If you didn't get voted off first, do you think you would have made it to the top three?"

"I would like to think so, eh?"

Auora opens her mouth to say something but is quickly silenced by a pillow Adrianna threw at her. "No responses!" she growled. "Who did you find to be the most annoying person on the island?"

"Probably Noah. He thinks he's smarter than everyone, eh?"

"Hey, back off!" Adrianna snapped. "What about the most annoying person on your team?"

"Probably Dun-." he quickly stopped himself when he received a glare from Sarah. "I mean Courtney." Sarah again jumped up and picked up his body and threw him in the fridge. After about twenty minutes she removed his Popsicle form and sat him back on the ground.

"That was quite entertaining. What was the most embarrassing thing that happened to you at Playa de Losers?"

"Probably the time my shorts got caught in the jet in the hot tub and they came off, eh?"

"Haha loser!" Auora mocked. Adrianna flicked her in the nose and continued.

"Would you sign up for a reality show again if you had the chance?"

"Maybe, depends on the show, eh?"

"Well we are finally done with that person's questions. Now here is a question from Gonard With The TDM. Have you ever eaten a haralachina?"

"Uh, I don't know what that is, eh?"

Sarah gets out a dictionary and searched for the word. "Thats not a real word! But it did sound naughty." she began to giggle.

"Our next set of questions is from crazytdifangirll11111000001111. Hey she stole my question! Anyways, she asks why do you pick your nose?"

"Umm-"

"Answer the question damnitz!"

"I- I don't know, eh?" he sobs. Auora then throws another handful of lard at him.

"Are you pleased that we finally made him cry?" Sarah asked.

"Very. Okay she then asks when did you first start picking your nose?"

"I'd say when I was around three, eh?"

"Do you have a pet cow?"

"Yes."

"Do you want a pet cow?"

"Nope."

"Why not cows are awesome!" Sarah exclaimed.

"Shush. Are your favorite songs really Amish paradise by Weird Al, Canadian Idiot by weird Al, A boy names Sue by Johnny Cash, Hillbilly Deluxe by Brooks &Dunn, Amarillo Sky by Jason Aldean, and No Shoes, No Shirt, No Problem by Kenny Chesney? What is with all these music questions!"

"I have never heard any of those songs, eh?"

"Most of those songs are country!" Sarah fake gags.

"Do you have any siblings?"

"Nope, I'm an only child, eh?"

"Thank god." Auora whispers to Sarah.

"Do you have any fans?"

"Well, I have had people come up to me who recognize me, but I wouldn't call them fans, eh?"

The girls tried to suppress their laughter but couldn't help themselves. "Okay, why are you sexist?"

"I'm not sexist! I was just stating a fact, eh?"

All three girls looked at each other and grinned. "I think we should continue this interview in another location."

The girls tie Ezekiel upside down on the cliff side. His head is just barely above where the sharks are jumping out at him. The girls are on the cliff. "Can you hear me?" Adrianna said into a megaphone.

"Yea." Ezekiel screamed.

"After a few questions we MIGHT let you down. How did you develop these sexist views?"

"My dad told me that stuff, eh?"

"What is your sexual orientation?"

"What does that mean, eh?" he screamed just as a shark barely missed his hat.

"Are you gay, straight, or does your door swing both ways?" Auora asked as she stole the megaphone from Adrianna, who quickly got it back and flicked her on the nose again.

"I've never had a girlfriend, eh? But I guess I'm straight, eh?"

"I'll take thats as I'm gay and I wanna do Chris." Sarah said.

"Did you really mean what you said about boys being smarter than girls?"

"No! Girls are much smarter and prettier and cooler and stronger and more capable of anything than boys, eh?"

"Thats more like it. Do you have a girlfriend? If no, will you date Gina?"

"Who's Gina, eh?"

"Some random made up spare of the moment person who for some reason loves you."

"In that case. Yea, sure, eh?"

"Do you think Gina is hot?"

"I don't know, eh?"

"Gina is a sexy beast!" The gang looks over and sees a random girl coming up the random flight of escalators.

"No random people during my interview unless I invite you for tea and cookies!" Adrianna shouts while walking towards the girl.

"Umm, I'm guessing thats crazytdifangirll11111000001111?" Sarah said jerking her thumb towards the girl.

"I guess. I'll ask the last question since Adrianna is currently occupied. Are your parents disappointed in you because you got voted off first?" Auora asked.

"No, eh. They said that they were proud that I tried. Now can you let me down, eh?" The girls looked at each other and shrugged. Then began walking towards the escalators. After untieing him, they thought it would be funny to watch him try to out swim the sharks. So while they watched in amusement on the beach, Ezekiel almost got eaten.

They were now back in the trailer. Ezekiel was sitting on the couch with his arms crossed. A chunk of his hat was missing because a shark had bit it off. Auora and Sarah were on the floor playing uno when Adrianna came in. "What did you do with that crazy fan girl?" Auora said while laying down a draw four card. "Red."

"Dammit," Sarah muttered.

"After I got her to calm down, we had tea and threw Chef into a lake and then she went home."

"You tortured Chef without me! I'm heartbroken!" Sarah said dramatically.

"I wanna hurry up and finish this. This chapter is already insanely long." Adrianna commented taking her seat once again on the armchair. "Our next set of questions is from Jewelz."

"Oh, I like her questions. They made me giggle!" Sarah said.

"Okay her first question is, what is your favorite color?"

"Dark blue, eh? Like my hat."

"Mines purple, red, and black." Sarah said proudly.

"You know your just shooting yourself in the foot right?" Auora raised a curious eyebrow at Sarah.

"How do you figure?"

"The more you keep commenting, the more you have to type."

"Eh, I try to please my oh so loyal fans." she shrugged.

"Moving right along. Do you pick your nose when your scared?"

"I just do it, eh? I don't really have a reason."

"Do you like the name Ezekiel?"

"Yea I guess, what else would I be named, eh?"

"How about something normal like Bill or Suzie." Adrianna said. "Suzie would be a good name for you."

"Your harsh, don't cha know?"

"Eh, I get that a lot. How did you get the name Ezekiel?"

"Umm, my parents named me that, eh?"

"You see Adrianna." Sarah said turning and looking up at her friend. "When a mommy and a daddy love each other very much-"

"I can't hear this!" Auora plugs her ears and runs through the wall, leaving a human shaped hole.

"Okay then. Why were you named Ezekiel?"

"My parents liked the name, eh?"

"You see when-"

Adrianna interrupted Sarah. "What does your name mean?"

"I think it means god strengthens, eh?"

"You see when a mommy-"

"Shush! Is Ezekiel even your real name?"

"Yes its my real name!" he said a little agitated.

"When a male and a female have sexual intercourse-" Sarah was interrupted by Auora coming back through the whole and tackling her to the ground.

"Maybe while they are busy wrestling, we can hurry and finish this interview. When is your birthday?"

"March 23."

"What is your favorite tv show?"

"Either Total Drama Island or Deadliest Catch, eh?"

"Do you have an ipod?"

"Nope."

"What is an average day like for Ezekiel?"

"Well, I wake up, and feed the cows and other animals. Then I work on the farm, eat and sleep, eh?"

"Wow, so boring. Most of my day is occupied by talking to that bozo." she said jerking her thumb towards Sarah who was still wrestling with Auora, who had her in a headlock.

"Okay she now wants to ask some insane questions. Oh dear lord." Sarah and Auora immediately stopped and they turned their full attention back to Adrianna. "Okay, she would like to know what you are hiding under your hat?"

"Umm, hair?"

Auora smirked evilly. "I don't believe you."

"What else would I be hiding, eh?"

"Sarah, would you do the honors." Adrianna smiled.

Sarah placed a hand over her heart and acting surprised. "Why I would be honored!" She turns and smiles at Ezekiel before pouncing on him and steels his hat. "Nope, only hair. And dandruff. Eww I think something just moved!" She jumped up and threw the hat back in his direction. He put the hat back on and folded his arms.

"Okay just one final question! Yayz. Wow this one is a doozy. If you were forced to marry someone right this second against your will and the people who you had to choose from were Izzy/E-Scope, Eva, Heather, Chef (if he were a girl), Alice from Superjail, a man eating shark, or a man eating bear who would you marry?"

"Umm, what kind of question is that?"

"A freakin' awesome one, now answer it!" Auora shouted throwing another handful of lard at the prairie boy.

"Well, Eva and Heather both scare me, Chef is a man, I don't know who Alice is, and both of those would kill me. Izzy would scares me too but she is the best option of those. At least she's nice, eh?"

"That gives me an idea." Adrianna snickered.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Many Lard Fights Later~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I now pronounce you husband and wife." Auora stood between Ezekiel and a cardboard cut out of Izzy. "You may now kiss the bride."

"But I-"

"Kiss her damnitz!" Adrianna shouted hugging a crying Sarah. Ezekiel kissed the cut out and the 'crowd' cheered.

"That was so beautiful!" Sarah weeped.

"Well, you think its about time to finally wrap this up?" Auora asked.

Adrianna stood up and walked towards the camera. "Okay that concludes this interview. We would like to thank all of you awesome reviewers who submitted questions for Zeke. We thank you too Ezekiel. Even though you were really boring and kinda weird, I had fun! Something we forgot to mention last chapter, you don't only have to submit questions. You can also submit comments that you would like to make to either the camper or one of us wonderful interviewers. Now let's submit questions for Eva!!! See you next time on..." Sarah and Auora joined her in front of the camera.

"Total...Drama...Interviews!!!"

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Wowza, 13 freakin' pages! Thats a record. And a pretty impressive one if I don't say so myself. Thanks to all you people who submitted questions! And special thanks to my two best friends on fanfiction which If you haven't guessed yet, are Auora and Adrianna. I love you guys!! *glomps*

Review, eh!!!!

Sweet jesus, now I am starting to talk like him! *bangs head against wall* Anywayz, review!!!

Sarah


	3. Raging Evas

Disclaimer: I do not own this show or any of it's characters. And according to the fine print, I don't even own my own interviewers!!! They own themselves! I. Hate. The. Damn. Fine. Print.

Total Drama Interviews

Chapter One: Episode Two: Raging Evas

**A/N: I want to reply to a few of the reviews I received. Thanks so much to everyone who has submitted reviews and questions!**

**Bluemoon2021b: That is actually a very good idea. I'm surprised I didn't think of interviewing them. Thanks :) Oh and your questions are hilarious. And I don't mind if you submit 5 or 100. Whatever pops in your head, write it down lol.**

**Jewelz: Love the questions! They cracked me up. Keep em coming ;)**

**crazytdifangirll11111000001111: Haha girl ur crazy! I love it! You can ask as many Gina questions as you would like. I hope she's not pissed about the whole, Ezekiel being married thing xD**

**Navaka114: Haha I love you Auora! We should have nicknames like that. You are Auora the Terrible, Adrianna the Looner, and I am Sarah the Barbarian! Haha Idk how we will torture a girl... one way to find out!**

**Again thank you all reviewers! **

**Now on with the story!**

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"Welcome back to Total Drama Interviews! This is the real Chris McLean this time. While Ezekiel chills around camp, our three...interesting interviewers prepare for their next interview. Lets see what preparations they are making at the moment." Chris grins at the camera. The view changes to a cabin. Adrianna is on the top bunk reading a book, Auora is on the floor playing with a bouncy ball, and Sarah is asleep on the other top bunk. She is doing various karate chops and kung fu moves in her sleep. Auora bounces the ball a little too high and it hits Sarah in the nose. She jumps up and yelps, resulting in her tumbling over the bed and onto Auora's lap. She looks up and grins innocently.

"Hiya." Sarah said.

"Its about time you woke up." Adrianna said.

"What time is it?"

"Twelve-Thirty Nine."

"What? Its only twelve?!?! Why did you wake me up!?!?!"

"Don't look at me. It was the bouncy ball." Auora put her hands up in defense.

"Were you dreaming about the evil, rabid mongooses again?" Adrianna asked.

A look of shock came on Sarah's face. "You see them too?" Before the girls could come up with a witty comeback Chris' voice came over the intercom.

"Attention crazy ladies. Your next interview is about to begin. Please report to the Dock of Shame."

"I wonder what crazy ladies he was talking about?" Sarah asked.

"Umm, guys how are we going to annoy Eva? It was easy with Ezekiel, but she's a girl. And a scary one at that." Auora asked rubbing the back of her neck.

"I don't know, the chick freaks me out." Adrianna admitted.

"Will you all come in there with me?"

"Can I bring fun dip?"

"Yes."

"Than yes we shall!" Sarah exclaimed.

The girls walk outside and see a random wheel barrel sitting beside the porch. Adrianna and Sarah shared an evil smirk before turning toward Auora. "What are you guys looking at?"

"We are going to take your majesty to her interview in style." Adrianna smiled. Sarah ran over and lifted the brunette over her head and dumped her into the wheel barrel Before she could climb out, Adrianna took the handles and began to run with the wheel barrel Sarah ran beside her with her arms up. Both girls were screaming like wild banshees, imitating an Indian call. Auora was holding on for dear life while screaming very unfriendly words toward her friends.

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"Where are those girls?" Chris checked his watch impatiently.

"When is my interview going to start?" Eva asked looking way more impatient. "I should have never came back to this stupid island."

"Remember, Eva, you signed a contract saying you would not kill any of the interviewers, got it?"

"Yea yea whatever." Suddenly Indian cries could be heard from the distance. "What the-"

The speeding wheel barrel appeared. In it, Auora was screaming for dear life and threatening to kill all of Indonesia while the other two were still chanting and screaming. "Okay we are almost at the dock. You can stop now." Auora screamed. Adrianna laughed but then a worried expression came across her face. She looked over to Sarah.

"Umm, Sarah, I can't stop it." She tripped over a rock and lost her grip on the wheel barrel. It sped faster and faster towards the lake.

"Oh shit!" Auora screamed before colliding with the water.

"Owch! Thats gotta hurt." Chris laughed.

"That was an epic fail dude." Sarah commented.

"She's going to kill me now isn't she?"

"Nah!" Suddenly Auora rose out from under water very dramatically. She sends an evil glare at Adrianna.

"I! Am! Going! To! Murder! You!" She leaps onto the dock and began chasing Adrianna. Sarah laughed at the scene and then went to join Chris.

"Well that was interesting. Eva this is one of the interviewers, Sarah."

"Hiya." Sarah said with a small wave. Eva completely ignored her and just continued to furrow her eyebrows at her. Sarah held out both her hands in the air. She touched her thumbs to her other fingers so that her hands looked like mouths. She open and closed on of the hands to mimic talking. "Hello, Sarah, I'm Eva. Its so nice to meet you." one hand said. "Nice to meet you too Eva. I think we will be great friends!" the other hand responded. Eva let out a loud growl and Sarah rubbed the back of her neck. "Well, I am just going to... go in that direction!" She took off running in a random direction to get away for the wretched woman.

"Well, that was... nice. Chef will go round up the girls and we will get your interview started."

"Chef will do what?" Chef asked his voice cracking slightly.

"Go get the girls you chicken!" Eva screamed.

Chef swallowed hard. "Oh here nice girls. Here nice girls." He called like a dog. All three girls turned and grinned wildly.

"Chef!!!!!" They then began to stampede towards him. He screeched and ran away. The girls chased him towards the dock and he leaped into the lake.

"Okay, that was fun! I'm going to go change now." Auora said skipping towards the cabin.

"Okay now will someone PLEASE escort me to my interview." Eva yelled.

"Yes ma'am!" Sarah and Adrianna saluted and lead her to the trailer. They sat in an awkward silence until Auora came through the door with dry clothed and semi-dry hair. She took her seat on the armchair while her friends sat on the floor.

"Okay, shall we get this interview started?" she said politely.

"Yes we shall." Eva growled.

"Okay the first questions are from Coldstone288. How much can you bench press?"

"Last time I benched 368."

"So you could lift an Owen?" Adrianna asked in shock.

"Yep."

"Wowza!" Sarah said in astonishment.

"Okay next question. Okay I am going to quote this exactly. 'Did you crush on anyone during your time on the island? I don't care if its a guy or a girl... I don't judge.'"

"I don't _crush _on people. Its stupid and pointless." She replied.

"But I saw you making googly eyes at Justin." Auora raised an eyebrow.

"Well everyone stares at that guy!"

"This is true. Next, why did you hold a grudge against Bridgette after coming back?"

"Because she's is a back-stabbing traitor who voted me off."

"Well, she wasn't the only one you know."

"Yea, I mean there were more Killer Bass there besides her. There was DJ, Duncan, and Geoff. They all voted you off too." Adrianna commented.

"And its not like you all were friends or anything. Why would her vote matter to you?" Sarah added.

"Just shut up and continue!"

"I can tell this interview is going to be a lot less fun." Sarah whispered to Adrianna before getting hit in the face with a pillow thrown by Eva. She held her cheek in pain. "You know pillows aren't supposed to bruise!"

"Continue." Eva said ignoring Sarah completely.

Auora swallowed nervously. "Did you glomp Zeke as soon as you got off the boat of losers?"

"What the heck is _glomp_?"

"We'll demonstrate." Adrianna grabbed Sarah's wrist and pulled her up. She sat her on one side of the room while she went to the other. She took a deep breath and then ran dramatically to Sarah and gave her a glomp worthy hug. After laughing they sat back down. Eva stared at them for a minute.

"That was completely gay and retarded and I would never do that!"

"I am moving on before a fight breaks out." Auora suddenly breaks out laughing. "Oh my gosh, this question is hilarious! Okay, Coldstone288's final question is... is it true that one of your parents is a shaved gorilla?" All three girls died laughing but quickly hushed when they say the fuming Eva.

"No that is NOT true! Wait til I get my hands on that little..."

"Okay then! The next questions are from Ishiko Hanano. Before being eliminated, who did you believe was your biggest threat on your path to victory?"

"I didn't feel like I had any competition. I could have easily kicked all of those people's butts."

"All these people have huge egos." Sarah whispered to Adrianna.

"What was that emo girl?!?!?!"

"Nothing!" She dove behind Auora's chair in a fetal position.

"What do you think about the way you are portrayed on fanfiction?"

"What's fanfiction?"

"Fan fiction, alternately referred to as fanfiction, fanfic, FF, or fic, is a broadly-defined term used to describe stories about characters or settings written by fans of the original work, rather than by the original creator. Works of fan fiction are rarely commissioned or authorized by the original work's owner, creator, or publisher; also, they are almost never professionally published. Fan fiction, therefore, is defined by being both related to its subject's canonical fictional universe and simultaneously existing outside the canon of that universe. Most fan fiction writers assume that their work is read primarily by other fans, and therefore tend to presume that their readers have knowledge of the canon universe (created by a professional writer) in which their works are based." The girls look at Adrianna is utter confusion and amazement. "What? Wikipedia."

Auora blinked a few times then came back into focus. "So what do you think about the way you are portrayed on fanfiction?"

"How am I portrayed?"

"We are supposed to be the ones who ask the questions!" Sarah yelled in exasperation. A melon was thrown from across the room and Sarah barely dodged. "Go ahead, ask whatever you want!"

"People portray you as the mean, fitness buff who always wants to kill everyone." Adrianna replied.

"Then I think its stupid and completely inaccurate." Sarah opened her mouth but Auora put her hand over it quickly.

"I wouldn't do that." she whispered. "Their last question is, what do you think about being paired up with Ezekiel or Noah on fanfiction?"

"Who in their right mind would pair me with those two losers!?!?!" she fumed.

"Actually you and Ezekiel are a popular couple."

"Mostly because there is no one else to pair you with." Sarah replied.

"I am moving on before Sarah gets herself killed. Our next reviewer is yet again crazytdifangirll11111000001111. Her first question is, how do you feel about getting voted off second?"

"Here we go." Adrianna muttered.

"I felt outraged. I was betrayed by those no good bass. They are all going to burn!"

"Thats...nice. How long were you dating Ezekiel?"

"I NEVER dated Ezekiel!!!"

"Would you marry Ezekiel?"

"NEVER!!!!!"

"Why did you choose Ezekiel?"

"I NEVER chose him!!!!!"

"How do you feel about Gina interfering with your relationship with Ezekiel?"

"I would NEVER be in a relationship with that home schooled loser."

"Never say never." Sarah smirked. She then quickly dodged the on coming fridge. "Actually, you can say never as many times as you want!"

Adrianna turned towards the camera. "We would like to take this time out to ask all of you to help pitch in money for the 'Sarah is a Dumbass Foundation'. All money will go to helping this dumbass in need. Most of the money will be spent on her medical bill for the injuries received during this interview."

"Think of the children." Sarah added dramatically.

"Moving on. Is it true you were put in a mental hospital 117 times after the show?"

"Absolutely not! I am completely sane."

"Before Sarah says anything to get herself killed, did you scare all the people in your anger management classes?"

"....not intentionally."

"Did your anger management classes work?"

"Absolutely. I am much more calm now."

"I beg to differ." Sarah said holding an ice pack to her head. She had dodged the fridge but the door had opened and a wheel of cheese had fallen on her head.

"Were the classes relaxing?"

"No, the instructor got on my nerves and the people were weird."

"Is it true that you turn into the female version of the Hulk when your mad?"

"Why does this girl keep asking question that make me mad?!?!"

"Its kinda fun to watch." Sarah said quickly dodging the bowl of jelly being thrown at her.

"I will take that answer as a no then. Did you really mean all those things you said about Heather at Playa de Losers?"

"Every word. Heather can kiss my butt. It was all her fault I was eliminated. She's a scum sucking, back-stabbing witch and I will enjoy watching her burn!"

"Wowza."

"Oh my..."

"Sweet Jehoshaphat!"

"Continuing on...Do you take steroids?"

"Of course not. Steroids are for wimps who can't get muscles like these on their own."

"How many annoying five year olds can you beat up?"

"Umm...what kind of question is that?"

"An awesome one if you ask me." Adrianna said. Eva glared at her. "But you didn't so ignore me!"

"I can beat up like five at once with my ninja kick!" Sarah yelled in another one of her random spasms.

"What do you want to do with your life?" Auora asked wanting this interview to be over with already.

"I plan on opening my own gym and fitness center and becoming a trainer."

"Wow a question that was actually answered. What type of MP3 player do you have?"

"A red i-pod shuffle."

"How many songs do you have on your MP3 player?"

"219."

"Is it true that your favorite songs are Dangerous by Akon, Hollaback Girl by Gwen Stefani, Riot Girl by Good Charolette, Dude Looks Like A Lady by Aerosmith, Cold by Crossfade, and Bodies by Drowning Pool?"

"No, those songs are retarded."

"Hey! Some of those songs are actually good. Aerosmith and Good Charolette rock! And Cold is my favorite song!!!" Sarah yelled.

"Get over it, punk!"

"Why you little-"

Adrianna grabbed Sarah's shoulders. "Well, I am going to take Sarah to get some fresh air before she dies a horrible gruesome death." She dragged Sarah out of the trailer while she ranted about Eva.

"Okay maybe now we can get some questions in."

"Thank you!"

"The next questions are from bluemoon2021b and she hasn't failed in submitting a lot of questions. First, what do you do in your spare time?"

"What else? I go to the gym, duh."

"Did you find any of the boys on TDI hot and were you crushing on any of them?"

"The only guy there worth looking at was Justin, and of course I wasn't crushing on him. He may be hot, but he doesn't talk and is probably a dumb as a rock."

"I wouldn't be so sure. Are you still mad at Bridgette?"

"Of course I am. The only thing that would make me forgive her is if I had 100,000 dollars."

"Wow someone holds a grudge. Do you have any plans for revenge on Chris?"

"Oh, I have plans alright. First I am going to pick him up by his scrawny little neck and-"

"Okay okay, thats enough out of that. What do you think of the videos on YouTube that people made about you with what they consider to be your theme song?"

"I think that people who waste their making youtube videos are a waste of sperm and egg."

"Wow thats....kinda harsh. Do you agree that those would be your theme song? And if you could choose your own theme song what would it be?"

"I don't agree because most of the songs put me as a ruthless bitch who wants to kill everyone."

"Thank god Sarah isn't here. Any of those songs on your MP3 player?"

"Of course not, they all stink."

"What is your favorite song?"

"Eye of the Tiger by Survivor."

"What is the heaviest barbell you can lift?"

"349 lb."

"Is it true that you love Ezekiel?"

"NO WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP SAYING THAT!?!?!?!?!?!"

"I don't make up the questions, I just read them. Do you think you would have been able to make it to the final three if you didn't get voted off second or the time you were brought back?"

"If the competition was based on challenges and strength and not on alliances or betrayal then yes I would have."

"Who did you vote off?"

"The first time I voted for Courtney. The second time I voted for Heather."

"Sarah wouldn't like that."

"Why?"

"Courtney is her second favorite character. Anyways how did you feel getting voted off the day you were brought back? And did you feel that you were deserved to be voted off?"

"It was totally unfair. They were all just too scared cuz they knew I would win!!!"

"Did you really believe Chris when he said you were an audience favorite before he said you weren't?"

"Well of course. I am one of the most popular."

"Thank god no one is here to comment." Auora murmured. Suddenly a big booming sound could be heard in the distance. Auora runs outside to see a huge monster truck coming their way. The booming was coming from the stereo attached to the truck. There was a loud guitar solo playing. Once the truck got closer she could see Sarah and Adrianna standing up doing a wild air guitar solo. The truck parked in front of the trailer and they jumped down. Sarah looked normal but Adrianna looked crazed. "Umm, this is your idea of taking her out for fresh air?"

"hehehe Sarah took me to the zoo!" Adrianna said.

"We rode the monkeys!" Sarah exclaimed.

"I'm pretty sure that is illegal." Auora commented.

"And then, after the mean man chased us, we hid in a dough-nut shop! I ate a lot of dough-nuts, but Sarah only ate sprinkles. And then they found us so we ran more and we ran into a flower shop and hid in the plants. And then we met this really nice man on the sidewalk who gave us this powder candy stuff. And then we got all crazy and stole a monster truck and bought these awesome air guitars!" Adrianna said in one breath.

Auora looked at Sarah. "You know that wasn't candy right?"

"hehehe ya." she smiled.

"Well since Adrianna here is completely out of it, and your not, I take it your used to the 'powder sugar'?"

"No comment!"

"You just love corrupting the minds of youth don't you?"

"Ya!"

"Well, I am going to go back and interview the beast. Can you all behave?"

"Abso-tutly Captain Smootly!" Adrianna lazily saluted.

They walk back in to an angry Eva sitting on the couch. The two stoned chicks lay down on the floor and Auroa returns to her seat. "Okay Eva, we have 29 questions left so lets hurry so I can give these bozos a nap. There is a rumor that you were dating Justin and that you really weren't hypnotized by his hotness when you lost the million dollars to him and purposely said he deserved it all was part of a plan that the two of you had. Is this true?"

"That is a stupid and ridiculously long question. Of course I am not dating Justin. Even if I was, why would I give him a million dollars?"

"Good point. There are also three other rumors going around. One, at night you blast Opera music and prance around in a pink tutu. Two, you are related to the Missing Link. Three, you are the Missing Link. Are any of these true?"

"I am seriously going to hurt this reviewer!"

"That gives me an idea!" Adrianna grabs Sarah and they both run out of the room. They return with a boom box and they are wearing tutus. (Sarah's is purple since she refuses to wear pink). They blast opera music and start dancing like Neanderthals.

Auora stares in amazement. "I love my friends! Anyways are you going to beat up Heather? Because she started the rumors."

"That scum sucking witch! I will throw her skinny ass into a wood chipper!"

"Did you ever find out Heather stole your MP3 player on purpose?"

"Yes I did. I got to watch re-runs at the resort. I want her to burn!!!"

"Theres a lot of hate here!" Sarah and Adrianna were still dancing, except now they also had on hats and chains and were rapping to the opera. "Okaaay? Did you make any friends at Playa de Losers?"

"I talked to Noah and Izzy a little bit. But I wouldn't consider them friends."

"Would you sign up for a reality show again if you were given the chance?"

"Absolutely not! My experience here was completely useless."

"Well thats it for bluemoon2021b." Adrianna and Sarah had magically changed back into their normal clothes and were seated once again on the floor. "Now our next questions are from Jewelz. Is your name really Eva?"

"Of course its Eva, why would I lie about that?"

"Maybe because Eva is a strange name." Sarah commented.

"Moving on. What does Eva mean?"

"How the fuck should I know?"

"Language!" Adrianna said raising a finger.

"What is your favorite tv show?"

"Defiantly Wrestling."

"When is your birthday?"

"Why does that matter?"

"Answer the question DAMNITZ!!!!" Adrianna yelled.

"My birthday is November 14." she answered glaring at Adrianna.

"Okay this is an unusual question. Paper or plastic?"

Sarah starts rolling on the floor laughing. "I love that question!"

"All these people are on crack. What kind of questions are these anyways?" Eva complained.

"Why do you have a unibrow?"

"I do not have a unibrow!"

"tsk tsk, she's in denial." Adrianna said. A telephone came for her head but she dodged.

"If you were forced to marry someone right this second against your will and you cannot divorce them and your choices were Ezekiel, Noah, Harold, Eva, a random hobo, or Sasquashinokwa who would you marry?"

"I am not answering that! And why would I marry myself?"

"At least Ezekiel answered these!" Sarah exclaimed.

"I would marry Noah." Adrianna said.

"Me too." Auora agreed.

"Eh, I'd go for the hobo." Everyone looked at Sarah in confusion. "What?"

"Who is your idol?"

"John Cena."

"If you were stuck on a deserted, uncharted island that had nothing but sand, one palm tree and you were stuck on that island with Ezekiel, Noah, Courtney, Chris, the random hobo who wants to marry you, Heather, Barney, and Inside Out Boy, what would you do?"

"Well, if there was no food, I would kill them all and eat them." The girls looked at her in horror and then slowly looked at Sarah.

"You...would....eat....Courtney!?!?!!?" Sarah began to cry on Adrianna's shoulder.

"Our next questions are from..." Suddenly a short little boy comes through the door. He had round glasses and short blond hair. He was wearing a batman shirt with the name 'Steve' writing across the top and yellow basketball shorts. "Umm, who are you?"

"I'm Steve." he said pointing to his shirt.

Sarah looked up and looked frustrated. "What are you doing here!"

"You said I could ask my questions to Eva in person."

"Well, I didn't mean it!"

"Umm, you know him?" Auora asked.

"He's my little brother. Since your here go ahead and ask your questions so you can leave."

He stood in front of Eva and cleared his throat. "Why do you have that ugly mole on your face? Ever try using ProActive? You should!"

"Why you little-"

"Also, why are you so manly? Did you have a sex change?"

"I am going to kill-"

"Who are you sexually attracted to?"

"You disgusting little perv, I outta-"

"Is your mom afraid of you?"

"Of course not! I-"

"Have you ever mistaken your mom for a moose?"

"Is everyone in your family crazy!?!?!?!" She yelled at Sarah.

"Just a schmitch." she said.

"Well I guess I'll go. See ya crazy man lady." He walked out the door and Eva growled.

"Okay, even though none of those questions were answered, we are moving on. The next question is from Wowzera."

"Oh my gosh I love that name!!!" Sarah exclaimed.

"Anyways, they ask is it true that your mom was a caveman that came back to life after being thawed out of a block of ice?"

"Of course not! Why are there so many questions about my mother!?!?!?!?!"

"Okay the next questions were submitted by Navaka114. Aka, me! Okay my first question is which of the boys do you think is the cutest?"

Eva sighs. "For the millionth time, Justin!"

"Okay, which of us three is the scariest and which is the most normal?"

"Well, you are kinda normal and that curly headed girl is kinda strange. But I definalty hate that one." she said pointing to Sarah. "She should be locked up."

"Shhh, she's sensitive." Adrianna whispered.

"Who do you hold a grudge against?"

"Everyone! I-"

"I don't wanna hear it. Are you going to kill Bridgette?"

"I won't kill her. Just bring her pain."

"Whats your favorite color?"

"Ummm, dark blue." Eva said, thrown off by the random question.

"Well, thats it, I guess I-"

"Wait! I have questions!" Adrianna stood up. "But first..." she quickly took out a blow dart and shot it at Eva. She woke up twenty minutes later in a cage.

"What the hell am I doing in a cage!?!?!"

"Adrianna thought you might hurt her so we locked you up." Sarah replied.

"Okay, my first question is why are you always portrayed as the ugly uni-brow psychopath that everyone hates except for Chris?"

"You are so going to get it!" she pounced around the cage trying to escape.

"Why did you have a fiery background when you return?"

"I don't know!!!"

"Oh and last question. Why are your boobs pointy?"

"You little bitch! I will murder you!!!!" Adrianna shot another blow dart knocking her unconscious.

"Okay! That wraps up todays interview! Be sure to review and submit as many questions for Noah as you want. This has been." Adrianna and Sarah are seen in the background mimicking their friend. "Total! Drama! Interviews!"

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I hope you all enjoyed it! Even though it was longer, I don't think it was as funny and I apologize for that. Eva just isn't as fun. But we will not disappoint next time! REVIEW AND SUBMIT!!!!! Remember, ONLY questions for NOAH!!!!!!!!!!!

Sarah


	4. For Love or Noah

Disclaimer: I do not own this show or any of it's characters. And according to the fine print, I don't even own my own interviewers!!! They own themselves! I. Hate. The. Damn. Fine. Print.

Total Drama Interviews

Chapter Three: For Love or Noah

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"Almost there." Auora bit her lip as she placed the last pop cicle stick on their project. "There finished!" The girls had made a giant monument out of Popsicle sticks. The monument, was of Chef holding a giant Popsicle.

"Its...so beautiful!" Adrianna said.

"I know. It's too beautiful for words." Sarah commented.

The loudspeaker overhead buzzed. "Okay girls. Report to the Dock of Shame. Your next victim is here." Chris announced.

"Yipee! Its Noah's turn!" Adrianna squealed and ran towards the dock.

"Your turn to be the interviewer." Auora smirked.

"No! I have to be the boring one this chapter." Sarah pouted. Auora put a hand on her shoulder.

"Eh, you'll live." They walked out to the dock where they saw Adrianna hugging the life out of Noah.

"Help." He chocked out as his face was turning blue. Chef came over there and pried the girl away from the book worm.

"Chef!" she yelled giving him a hug. He put her down, slowly. She then turned to Chris. "Chris!" she yelled running and hugging him as well. She then turned to Auora and Sarah.

"Oh no." Auora whispered.

"FRIENDS!!!" she ran up and glomped the two girls, knocking them down to the ground.

"Adrianna." Auora coughed. "Lungs...crushing. Can't...breathe." Adrianna jumped off her friends and helped them to their feet. She sees a random man on the side of the dock.

"Intern!" She chases and hugs the poor defenseless intern. She then magically appears in front of the camera. "Viewing audience!" She wrestles the camera and the cameraman to the ground. She then stands up and gasps loudly. "Fish!!!!" She jumps into the lake searching for her beloved fish. Auora and Sarah look at her in confusion but then shrug off the feeling.

"Shall we get started?" Sarah said casually.

"Okay, lets get this show on the road." Chris said clapping his hands together. The girls and Noah walked towards the trailer. They waited outside for Adrianna until they finally see her walk towards them dripping wet. She had the captured fish in her hand. The girls started giggling at her friends.

"Umm are you just going to keep it like that?" Auora asked.

"Uh huh!" Adrianna said nodding her head frantically. She saw Sarah shaking her head. "Oh please Sarah can I keep it!" She gave her the puppy dog eyes.

"Oh you know I can't resist the puppy dog eyes! Shew fine! Just leave it outside."

"Yay! Now you stay there Mr. Fishy and don't move." she said to the fish who was flopping on the grass.

When they walk through the door they to see a machine like thing laying on the couch.

"Umm, what is that?" Auora asked.

"Its a lie detector. As long as I'm interviewing, there will be no lies!" Sarah announced. Sarah ran out of the trailer to get something out of the cabin. Auora and Adrianna hooked Noah up to the lie detector and started to test it out.

"What is your name?" Adrianna asked.

"Noah." A single 'ding' signified that he was telling the truth.

"Were you on TDI?"

"Yes." _ding_

"What is the square root of pi?" Auora asked.

"1.7725" _ding_

"Wow, the kids good." Auora said impressed. Sarah returned holding two large toy guns. She tossed them to her friends.

"If he answers a question and it beeps three times, shoot him with those Nerf guns." Sarah said.

"Wait a minute. I get shot if I lie!?! Thats not fair."

"It is cuz I'm the author and I can do what I want. Nah nah!" She sat on the armchair while her friends sat on the armrests. "Hmm this chair is comfy. Our first set of questions are from Ishiko Hinano. I feel so Asian when I say his name! Anyways before we ask you these questions he wanted me to tell you that it is a pity you and your smarts didn't make it far on TDI. And that he still thinks your the best out of the twenty-two."

"Glad to be appreciated!" he smirked.

"Okay, here is his first question. You are very intelligent. So why didn't you know that not playing dodgeball could get you eliminated? I mean, those people didn't know you so you should have made a better first impression."

"Well sports aren't my forte. And I thought those morons would see that they needed at least one smart person on their team, but I guess I was wrong."

"Can you please say something to the yaoi fangirls who pair you up with Cody? A message that makes it clear how you feel on the issue."

"Gladly. To set the record straight I am NOT, in any form or fashion, homosexual. I like women, okay. Not men. WOMEN!" He said. The lie detector gave a ding.

"Wow, so he really isn't gay." Auora said.

"Or he's a good liar." Adrianna pointed out.

"Okay, next he asks when your birthday is."

"February 23."

"How important is romance in your life and why?"

"I don't really feel it's that important. Why should I have to worry about whether girls like me or not?"

Adrianna raised her hand as if she were in class. "I like you Noah!" she said softly.

"Oookay then. What's your favorite book?"

"Pride and Prejudice." _beep beep beep. _Auora pulled the trigger and shot a little Nerf ball and hit him in the head. "Ow! Okay then. My favorite book is The Prince and the Pauper." _beep beep beep. _Both girls shot this time. One ball hit him in the ear and the other hit him in the stomach. "Your stupid machine is broke!"

"Hmm, I wonder." Adrianna thought aloud. "Is your favorite book The Cat in the Hat?"

"Absolutely not! Thats a children's book." _beep beep beep. _The girls irrupted in laughter.

"So Mr. Einstein's favorite book is a Dr. Seuss book? Thats...interesting. Anyways, moving on, what do you think about being paired mostly with Cody, Izzy, Eva, Katie, and Heather?"

"I think it's completely ridiculous. I mean: A. I'm not gay. B. Izzy is a crazy lunatic. C. Eva is a scary beast. D. I have never even had an intelligent conversation with Katie. E. Why would anyone want to date that bitch?"

"FGHIJKLMNOPQR..." Sarah stopped when everyone in the room was looking at her. She grinned.

"STUVWXYZ! You can't start the alphabet and not finish!" Auora said.

"Okay next question. What do you look for in a potential crush?"

"Someone who actually has a brain and is not a bimbo. Oh and I prefer for them _not _to have been on TDI."

"Well that eliminates about half of America and Canada. Our next questions are from Coldstone288. Why are you such a smartass, smartass?"

"I am not a smartass. I was just an intellectual human being surrounded by idiots."

"Is it true that you had a shrine to Cody?"

"For the millionth time, I'm not gay!"

"You don't have to be gay to have a shrine of another guy." Auora pointed out.

"Yea, I could have a shrine to both of them, and not be gay at all!" Adrianna said. Sarah and Auora looked at her strangely. "What? It's not like I actually have a shrine to you guys!"

"Sure you don't, Adrianna. Do you think your smart enough to build the first flying car?"

"It would take years to build a flying car. First you would have to find something with enough fuel and mass tendency to actually hold an automobile, not including the passengers. And then you would have to find a device that would..."

"It's a yes or no question!" Sarah yelled getting aggravated.

"Yes." he said smartassidly and crossed his arms.

"Would you let Sarah drive?"

"Who's Sarah?"

"Me!" She grinned.

"Oh, in that case, god no!"

She gasped. "I'm offended. Why wouldn't you let me drive it?"

"Because you are not exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer."

She laughed and cracked her fingers. "Okay here we go. I was on the honors list, I got a perfect score on my pre-ACT in English, I have a 4.0 GPA, I get Distinguished on the state finals every year since third grade, and I took Algebra in grade school." She sat back in her seat satisfied. Auora and Adrianna looked at her in horror. "What?"

"How?!?" Auora exclaimed.

"You don't act smart." Adrianna said dazed.

"It's like, you're two different people!" Auora said.

"Hey! I'm a complexed person okay! Moving on, did you beat the impossible quiz?"

"I've heard of it, and I know its a bunch of trick questions."

"It's hard, man. My friend Tierra memorized it and got to question ninety-eight! Anywhoz, What girl (or Cody) did you think was hot?"

"For the last time, no one. I don't have enough time for romance, and I AM NOT GAY!!!!"

"Take a pill." Auora muttered.

******************************Confession Cam******************************

Auora sat here playing with a slinky. She looked up to the camera, as if just noticing it was there. "So me and Sarah have a little plan for Noah. I wanted to stick him in a pit of fire and then feed him to the man eating woodpeckers, but she had a better idea. And it's going to be fun!"

**********************************************************************

"Next. What question are we on? I've got this one." She looks at the camera and smiles. "We are on question fourteen, Coldstone288. Okay, if you're so smart, why did you sign up for the show?"

"I wanted to prove that intelligence overpowers backstabbing and manipulation."

"And how did that work out for you?" Sarah asked.

"Shut it." he said between gritted teeth.

"Okay okay jeez. Whats the smartest thing you have ever done?"

"Well, theres so many, it's hard to pick just one."

"The smartest thing I ever did was agree to be in this story." Adrianna said. "I got to meet Noah." she said winking at him. He gulped nervously.

"What would you do for a Klondike bar?" Sarah asked.

"Umm... what kind of question is that?" He was then hit on the head with a nerf ball.

"It's a question that you will answer!" Auora yelled holding the gun.

"Ow, fine. I guess I would..... run ten laps, I don't know." Auora and Sarah looked at each other evilly.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~A Few Short Minutes Later~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Noah was huffing and puffing while running past the girls for the fourth time. "I didn't mean ten laps around the island!" he yelled, stopping to catch his breath.

"Well thats how we took it, now run!" Auora yelled in her scary voice. Noah began making his way around the island again. He finished his lap and collapsed in front of the girls.

"Okay, this is taking way too long." Sarah grabbed a flame torch and shot a flame at Noah. He took off running. Sarah then hopped on her "not stolen" golf cart and chased after him, flame thrower in hand. Adrianna and Auora stared after them.

"That is one interesting child, don't ya think? Adrianna?" she looked over at her friend was was starring at the sky.

"Have you ever noticed that clouds look like cotton candy?" she said looking at the clouds above. Auora shook her head.

"Come on, it's time you sit down." They went inside and sat down. After a few minutes of coloring, Noah and Sarah walked back in. Noah was covered in ash and some of his hair was scorched. He was slowly gnawing on a Klondike bar. Sarah walked in, giddy as always and took her rightful seat.

"Look, Noah, I drew you a picture!" Adrianna said handing Noah and sheet of paper. The paper had a picture of a wedding and two people standing in the center. At the top it said _Noah and Adrianna 4-ever._

"Umm, okay?" he backed away slowly.

"Don't you think we should maybe get at least half way through this interview before all life ends?" Auora asked Sarah.

She sighed. "Sure, why not. Our next question is from MusicLover48. How did you get so boring, fun-sucking, and sarcastic?"

He just smirked. "It's a gift."

"A stupid gift if you ask me. Our next reviewer is Jewelz. Their first question is, is your name really Noah?" He pulled out a sheet of paper and reached it to Sarah. "Umm, what is this?"

"I heard that a reviewer asked repetitive questions about ones personal information, so I brought my birth certificate." He crossed his arms and smirked.

"Umm, okay then? Talk about coming prepared." She looked over the document. "Okay so his name is Noah Christopher Sanchez. Niceness, dude. Anyways, what does your name mean?"

"It doesn't really mean anything. But then again I haven't particularly researched the subject."

"What is your favorite TV show?"

"Who Wants To Be A Millionaire and Jeopardy."

"Do you consider yourself to be notorious?"

"Umm, I guess?"

"Is it true your nickname is Notorious Noah?"

"No it is not, what is with these random questions?"

"Oh you haven't seen random questions yet. When did you first start reading?"

"When I was about three."

"Let me guess, Cat in the Hat?" Auora smirked.

"Bite me." he grunted. He looked to his left and saw Adrianna gnawing on his finger. "Not literally!" he shouted startling her. She fell backwards. She rubbed her head and grunted.

"Okay then? Who is your idol?"

"Mark Twain."

"Boring."

"Well then who's your idol?" he folded his arms.

All three girls looked at him with a crazy, freakish grin. "Izzy." they all replied slowly and creepily.

"Oh dead lord..."

"Anyways... oh yay my favorite repetitive question! If you were forced to marry someone right this very second against your will and you cannot divorce this person and the people you are forced to choose from are Noah, Heather, Cody, Eva, Justin, Owen, Izzy, Chef (if he was a girl and wore a dress all the time), Alice from Superjail, a bear, Tootie from Fairly Odd Parents (if she were sixteen and obsessed with you instead of Timmy), an underwear model, or a professional female wrestler, who would you marry?"

"Umm, I honestly have to answer that?"

"Yes ma'am." Auora said.

He glared at her. "Well, I'll break it down for you. 1. I cannot marry myself. 2. Heather is a cold hearted bitch. 3. I DO NOT LOVE CODY BECAUSE I AM NOT FREAKING GAY!!!! 4. Eva is a rageaholic beast. 5. He is the anti-me and I AM NOT GAY! 6. He is a ticking time bomb of noctious fumes, he is fat and I am NOT GAY!!!!! 7. She is a crazy bird. 8. Even if Chef were a girl, no. Too weird. 9. I do not know who this Alice is. 10. I would never even imagine marring a bear. 11. Fairly Odd Parents is a stupid, immature show and I never watch it. 12. Professional female wrestlers are mannish and scary. Wait... is it a boy or girl underwear model?"

"Umm... not specified." Sarah said.

"Then I'm going to assume it's a girl and pick her."

"But if it's not, then you are gay." Auora said.

"Don't call him gay!" Adrianna said speaking for the first time in a while. A bird went past the window. "Ooo Frederich!" she screamed running out of the window to retrieve the bird.

"That wasn't creepy or random at all." Noah said. She soon returned with the bird and took her seat.

"Alrighty then? If you lost all your books and decided to buy some new ones, but when you got to the book store you found out that the only books that existed in the whole world were Spongebob books, Where's Waldo?, Dora the Explorer books, Leap Frog Learning to Read books, and an ABC book what would you buy? Nice question Jewelz."

"I wouldn't buy anything. I'd rather have leaches eat away at my brain than be subjected to read those abominations they call books."

"Man, your a kill joy. Here's an off the wall question. If someone was chasing you with a bomb, what would you do?"

"Ummm, probably run, why?" The door to the trailer bursts open and a figure is standing in the doorway. A ticking sound is heard from the devise in their hands. "Oh crap!" He takes off running yet again into the distance. The figure chases after him in a blur.

"Umm, I'm guessing that was Jewelz?" Auora said.

"Don't worry baby! I'll save you!" Adrianna then jumps into the helicopter and chases off after Noah.

"I'm guessing she had a little too much white powder last chapter." Sarah said receiving a glare from Auora. "I have an idea! Let's leave before they get back!"

"Okay!" As soon as they got to their feet they heard a loud explosion. Jewelz came running back into the room half scorched.

"Thanks so much, it was nice meeting you guys, I had fun, BYE!" she said in one breath before taking off like a hurricane. Noah returned, his body more burnt than before. He sat down on the couch glaring at the girls.

"I. Hate. You. All."

"Yay! Anyways our next set of questions are from bluemoon2021b. Do you do other things in your spare time besides reading?"

"I do actually. I work at a coffee shop, I write short stories, I am captain of the Academic Team, I-"

"Woops, don't care. Next! What is your IQ?"

"Last time I checked it was 178." The room was very quiet.

"Is that good?" Auora asked.

"Yes it's good!" he said angrily.

"Okay okay jeez! Have a cow, why don't you." Auora said.

"No fighting unless I start it!" Sarah yelled. "Now, where were we? Oh yea. Who is your favorite author. You know, besides Dr. Seuss."

"Mark Twain." he growled.

"What was the first book you ever read?"

"The Cat in the Hat."

"Oh, so thats why it's your favorite!" Auora said in realization.

"Did you think any of the girls on TDI were hot? And were you crushing on any of them?"

"For the millionth time, romance is pointless and I have not fallen subject to it."

"Wow downer. If you weren't voted off third, do you think you would have made it to the final three?"

"If it were any other game, yes. However, after seeing the rest of the season, I highly doubt it. Since I wasn't backstabbing, manipulative, or scary enough to make it far."

"Who did you vote off?"

"I voted for Lindsay. I've eaten sandwiches with more brains than her."

"There has been a rumor going around that you are dating Katie, while your identical brother is dating Sadie, and that you once dated Heather. Is this true?"

He let out an annoyed sigh. "I did not date anyone from the show, and I do not have a twin. Is this interview over yet?"

"Nope! We aren't even half way through."

"What the f-"

"What do you think of the videos on YouTube that people made about you with what they consider to be your theme song? Do you agree that those would be your theme songs?"

"I do not waste my valuable time watching YouTube videos." he replied snobbishly.

"He's not a Grinch at all!"

"Oh, I bet thats one of his favorite books too!" Auora replied.

"The next question is, if you could choose your own theme song, what would it be?"

"I don't listen to music."

"Downer. Do you have a MP3 player? Well, I guess he doesn't. What's your favorite color?"

"Red."

"Is it true that you failed art class and had to go to summer school for it?"

"Absolutely not! I have never gotten below an A+ on anything in my life!"

"Bologna." Auora coughed.

"What is your favorite subject?"

"Arithmetic." The girls looked at him in a confused silence. "It means math!" he shouted.

"Oh!" All three girls chorused.

"Is it true that you own over 18,9 books?"

"18,9 isn't even a number!" He was become even more furious with every question.

"The reviewer is always right!" Auora said shooting him again with the nerf gun.

"Do you prefer Fiction or Non-Fiction?"

"Fiction."

"What type of books do you like to read?"

"Science Fiction."

"Oh, is that the kind where it shows you how to dissect a frog?"

Auora shot Adrianna with the nerf gun and then shot Sarah in the head. "Ow, what was that for?"

"For giving her the crack last chapter!"

"Crack?" Noah asked looking scared and confused.

Sarah laughed, "Oh yea, haha. Good times. Anyways, did you make any friends at Playa de Losers?"

"Not really, but Izzy pretty much stalked me."

"Who would do such a thing?" Adrianna said. Meanwhile, she was sitting next to Noah, scooting closer and closer to him. Her nose practically touching his cheek.

"Would you sign up for a reality show again if you were given the chance?"

"When hell freezes over."

"I'll take that as a maybe. Okay our next questions are from crazytdifangirll11111000001111. And let me just say, she gets an award from me. She never fails to make me laugh. First question, why are you so boring?"

"I am not boring." he growled.

"Why do you read?"

"For entertainment purposes."

"What is the best and worst book you have ever read?"

"Well we know his favorite is Cat in the Hat." Auora said.

Noah glared at her, "You are never going to let that go are you?"

"Nope!" she smiled.

"Well the worst is Twilight."

"You read Twilight?" Auora asked.

"I read the first one and hated it."

"You know, I want to voice my opinion." Sarah said.

"Oh god." Noah muttered.

Sarah walked up to the camera. "Okay, I have read every Twilight book, so I have an expert opinion. At first I loved Twilight, I had posters and everything. But I am sick of the screaming fangirls. Yes I will go watch the new movie, but I will not wait in line for hours and I will not scream when Robert Pattinson walks on screen. Oh and the fourth book sucked. It was the worst book I have ever read. It was so freakin boring! Oh, and I'm team Edward. I don't see why everyone loves Jacob Black. He annoys the piss out of me." She smiled and sat back down.

"Wow, just, wow." Auora said.

"Anyways, next question. What is your least favorite book?"

"Twilight."

"Is it true you wrote the dictionary?"

He raised an eyebrow. "No, thats absurd."

"What inspired you to write the dictionary?"

"Nothing! I didn't write it."

"Why did you write it?"

"For the millionth time, I did not write it!"

"Why is your name in it?"

"I don't know!"

"Can you put my name in it?"

He sighed. "I can't believe there are actually people on this Earth that are just as idiotic as you three." Sarah was too busy scribbling in a book. "Umm, what are you doing?"

"Just making some minor changes." When she finished she reached the book to Auora. She read the contents out loud.

"crazytdifangirll11111000001111-A dedicated and loyal reviewer to Total Drama Interviews. She has an imaginary friend named Gina who is married to Ezekiel. Synonyms: crazy, fangirl, and the number 1." She looks up from the dictionary and looks at Sarah. "Wow, Sarah. Just, wow."

She grinned. "I know, right. Your welcome crazytdifangirll11111000001111. On with the questioning. What's your favorite number?"

"100."

"What is your sexual orientation?"

"I. Am. Straight." he snarled.

"Are you sure of it?"

"Yes, I am completely, one hundred percent sure of it."

"How long have you been gay?"

"NEVER!"

"How long have you been bi?"

"NEVER!"

"Do you read books about your own species?"

"You mean humans? Of course. Every book I have read contains humans."

"Or giant cats." Auora said.

"Whats it like being a Norkian?"

"A what?"

"A Norkian. Someone who resides on planet Nork." Adrianna said.

"Wow, you haven't talked much in this chapter have you?" Auora said.

"Were you born on Earth or Planet Nork?"

"Of course I was born on Earth. What is this girl smoking?"

"She isn't smoking anything, cuz as we all know, drugs are bad." Auora looked at her suspiciously. "Moving on, what is life like back home on planet Nork?"

"Nork isn't a planet, and I am from Earth!"

"Sure you are, buddy. Is it true you have long make-out sessions with Cody that start on Friday nights and end on Monday mornings?"

Now Noah was fuming. "For the last damn time.... I AM NOT GAY!!!!!"

Everyone gasped. "Watch your language!" Adrianna said.

"Wait, you're not gay?" Auora teased.

Noah groaned. "I hate my life."

"Are you aware of the tracking devise that was injected into your head while you were sleeping that was made to track you down to see what you and Cody are doing?"

"I think I would wake up during such an event and I don't even talk to Cody. I wouldn't even call us friends."

"Oh, so he was kinda like a one night stand right?" Auora said. She ducked quickly to avoid contact with the lamp flying at her head.

"Are your favorite songs really 'I Kissed A Girl' by Katy Perry, 'The Devil Went Down To Georgia' by the Charlie Daniels Band, the Smart Guy Theme Song, 'No Such Thing' by John Mayer, 'I Kissed A Boy' by Cobra Starship, 'Royal Pain' by the Eels, 'I Write Sins Not Tragedies' by Panic at the Disco, 'I Need Some Sleep' by Eels, and Pachabells Cannon?"

"Nope."

"Wow, that was an extremely long question with an extremely short reply. Why is your head so big?"

"To cover my enormous brain."

"Is it really that big or is something projecting it to make it look big?"

"Umm, nope. It's just big."

"When did you become an evil mastermind."

"Around the fourth grade."

"What do you want to do later on in life?"

"Win a Nobel Prize and become a college professor at Harvard University."

"How do you feel right now about all these questions you are being asked?"

"I think that the questions have been retarded and that you lousy reviewers need to get it through your thick skulls that I am not gay!"

"Hey! No one insults my reviewers!" Sarah takes Auora's nerf gun and throws it at Noah, making contact with his big egg head.

"Owch!"

"How do you feel about this interview?"

"I think it's been a complete and utter waste of time. I die a little inside with every question."

"Wow, it's a wonder your still living." Auora said.

"How many more questions do you think you will be asked?"

"Knowing my luck? About one hundred more."

"Aww quit being a baby. Our next few questions are from Wowzera. What is your favorite vegetable?"

"Broccoli."

"Eww, health!" Adrianna screamed.

"What is your favorite fruit?"

"Apple."

"I hate apples."

"You do? What is wrong with you?"Auora asked.

"I'm an unique and complex person okay! Do you have a girlfriend and have you ever had a girlfriend?"

"Yes I have had a girlfriend before but I am currently single."

"Yay!" Adrianna screamed. She looked around at all the confused faces starring at her. "Sorry, random spasm."

"Was Cody the first person you kissed? If not who was?"

"I technically did not kiss Cody, and I have never kissed anyone."

"Thats going to change." Auora whispered to Sarah who replied with a wink.

"What were you thinking about in your sleep when you kissed Cody?"

"How should I remember? That was months ago."

"Our next questions are from All4Noah."

"Love the name."

"You would. They ask, if you could have any super power what would it be?"

"Reading minds and telekinesis would be pretty cool."

"I wanna fly!" Adrianna said.

"I wanna have super strength and speed." Auora grinned evilly. They all looked at Sarah.

"What would you wanna do, Pinky?" Adrianna said.

"Pinky?" Auora asked.

"Private joke."

"I would wanna control fire!" Sarah said. Noah looked at her funny. "What? I'm like a pyro. What is your favorite element?"

"Probably wind."

"Like Raimundo! Sorry, I've been making Xiaolin Showdown vids recently. Have you guys ever watched that show? I love it! Anyways, what is your favorite movie?"

"Lord of the Rings."

"Star Wars is better."

"Yeah right."

"I sense a challenge." Adrianna said.

"Not right now, I'm already at 16 pages on this thing and I kinda wanna finish. Do you plan on writing any books?"

"I already have on in the the works. It's called-"

"Sorry, don't care. How many books have you read in your life?"

"Do you want me to count?"

"Nope. How long do you think it would take you to read every single book in the world if you were reading straight one book after another no breaks or anything?"

"I don't know! There are over a million books published daily!"

"How long will it take you to read every book in a book store?"

"In a big one? I'd say about two years."

"How many books do you own?"

"About two hundred."

"What type of music do you listen to?"

"I don't listen to much music."

"What were you in a past life?"

"I don't believe in reincarnation."

"Is that like a religion or something?" Adrianna asked.

"Reincarnation is when you die and come back as something else." Auora explained.

"Oh, I bet I would come back as a squirrel!"

"Of course you would. Do you have feelings for Heather?"

"Of course not, she is a manipulative skank."

"If you could live in any show what would it be?"

"Who Wants To Be A Millionaire. I could get some major cash."

"What would you do if you were locked in a bookstore and you couldn't get out for twenty days?"

"I would probably read, Einstein."

"What if you were locked in with crazy people like Izzy, Katie, Sadie, and All4Noah? At the same time!"

"Oh, well in that case, I would probably kill myself." he said matter-of-factly.

"If All4Noah saw you in a random area and she wanted to give you a hug would you let her?"

"Why would she want a hug?"

"Isn't it obvious? She's a fangirl. Jeez your dumb." Auora said.

"Then no I wouldn't let her."

"Would you let me, Noah?" Adrianna asked with hopeful eyes.

"No."

Adrianna looked unfased. "You'll see." she whispered.

"Our final reviewed question is from Anne. She asks, what is your greatest fear?"

"I fear nothing." _beep beep beep_

Auora shot him. "Oh come on! You have to be afraid of something!" she yelled.

Sarah's phone began to ring. "Sweet ringtone, what is it?" Adrianna asked.

"Check Yes Juliet, by We The Kings. Hello? Oh hey bro. Uh huh. Yea." She began laughing histarically. "Thats awesome dude! Okay okay I will. Later."

"What was that about?" Auora asked.

"I have a follow-up question. My little brother Steve wants to know if your worst fear is dancing gophers?"

Noah began to look nervous. "N-no. Thats ridiculous." _ding ding ding._

The three girls began laughing histarically. "Oh..my...god! This...is....even better... than... the Cat... in the Hat!" Auora said between laughs.

Adrianna wiped a tear out of her eye and looked at Sarah. "How did your brother come up with that anyways?"

"He's writing a fanfiction about all the campers' fears. Be on the look out for 'Total Drama Freakout' written by The Green Hedgehog."

"Are we done yet?" Noah asked.

"Nope! I have three questions!" Adrianna said.

"Oh brother."

"Okay, number one. Why are you so incredibly hot when you read and cheer for your team sarcastically?"

"I don't know, I guess I just am. It's a gift."

"Why do you carry a picture of your mom in your pocket? Or that Barbie doll that you secretly smooch when you think no one is looking?"

"I do not carry such items!"

"Auora, search him." Sarah said.

"Aye aye Captain!" she saluted. She grabbed Noah's feet and dangled him upside down shaking him violently. Sure enough, a Barbie doll and a photo fell out of his pants.

"Dude! That is messed up!" Sarah laughed.

"Okay time for the final question of the interview. Why did you pick Eva to help you win the million dollars, and not me DAMNITZ!!!!"

Noah was now hiding behind the couch. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Don't eat me!!! I will pick you next time!"

"Yay!" Adrianna cheered quickly switching moods.

"Now we just have one more thing to do before the closing." Auora smirked.

Sarah and Auora began walking toward Noah. "Umm, whats going on? Oh crap!"

Noah woke up tied to a wooden chair. A metal devise was placed on his head. The whole room was dark except for a sliver of light shinning directly on him. "Why am I tied to a chair? And what the hell is on my head?!?!"

"It's a brain controlling devise." said Auora. Her and Sarah stepped out of the darkness standing next to each other. Sarah held a remote in her hand.

"How the hell did you manage to create a brain controlling devise?"

"Told you I wasn't stupid." Sarah said.

"What are you going to do to me!?"

The both stepped aside to reveal Adrianna grinning madly behind them.

"Oh no..."

Sarah turned a few knobs and pushed a few buttons on the remote. Noah felt a very ticklish feeling in his head. "Okay, Noah, you love Adrianna."

"I love Adrianna."

"You want to kiss Adrianna."

"I want to kiss Adrianna."

"Yipee!" Adrianna screamed. She ran and jumped on Noah's lap and began smooching him. Sarah grabbed the camera from the camera man and her and Auora walked outside.

"Any reason you decided to become the new camera man?" Auora asked.

"I am trying to keep this story at a PG-13 level. Knowing Adrianna, I think it's more safe for both of us out here." Sarah says from behind the camera. "Oh look there's Chris!" The two girls run up and greet the host.

"Whats up girls?"

"Look what we found in Noah's pants!" Sarah screamed excitedly.

"I don't wanna know why you were in his pants, but, what the heck." He takes the Barbie doll and looks at the picture. His face starts to turn red. "Why does that twerp have a picture of my mom!?!?!"

"Your mom?" Sarah asks.

"Wait til I get my hands on that little-" he says while walking towards the trailer.

"Noah carries a picture of Chris' mom? Dude this is sick!" Auora says while bumping fists with Sarah.

"I know, right?" Just then Adrianna came out with her arms crossed.

"Chris ruined my make out session with Noah!"

"Awww." the two girls said in unison.

"Yea, and Mr. Fishy died!" she said holding up a dead fish.

"What a shame." Auora said.

"I have an idea! I'm going to plan a fishy funeral! Stay right here, let me go get my lucky shovel."

"Quick, lets hurry this up before she gets back." Auora whispered.

"Right. Hey can you hold this while I do the ending?"

"Sure." The camera shakes as it is past to Auora. Sarah appears on the screen.

"Okay, this has been a very long chapter. I received 105 questions! Dudes, thats awesome! Thanks to all of you who love reading my stories. Wanna appear in my interviews like Jewelz and crazytdifangirll11111000001111? Well just review review review! Our next victim will be Justin so submit questions for the hunk himself. I leave you now with these thrilling questions. How will we torture Justin? Why does Adrianna call me Pinky? Did Noah get to second base? Which is truly better, Lord of the Rings, or Star Wars. Psst, it's Star Wars. And will Auora finally try some of my famous, not tampered with, brownies?"

"Nope!"

"Stay tuned next time, on Total! Drama! Interviews!"

Auora twists the camera so it's facing her. "And cut!"

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Wowza dudes. That was a long 20 pages. Thanks so much for the support and reviews. I love you all specially! Yea, need to work on my vocabulary. Anyways sorry for the late update, I've been at 4-H camp and at my grandma's where Internet seeses to exist. Anywho, review!!!!

Sarah~xTAx

PS: Special thanks to Adrianna and my little brother for some ideas. Love ya bro. Love ya twinie!


	5. She Has a Model and She Hates That Bitch

Disclaimer: I do not own this show or any of it's characters. And according to the fine print, I don't even own my own interviewers!!! They own themselves! I. Hate. The. Damn. Fine. Print.

Total Drama Interviews

Chapter Five: Adrianna's Got a Model and She Hates that Bitch!

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It is late afternoon and the girls are seen standing around a large hole. Adrianna is weeping and Auora is trying to comfort her. "Sarah. Would you please say a few words?" Adrianna said between weeps. Sarah shot a nervous glance at Auora, who replied with a sympathetic yet slightly amused one. Sarah cleared her throat and stepped forward.

"We shall all miss Mr. Fishy very much. He was a good friend and a noble fish" Adrianna continued crying and nodding. Auora urged her to continue. "Umm... I remember the day I first met Mr. Fishy. It was yesterday. Adrianna left him outside without water.... ummm. Sorry I'm not good at these." she said to Adrianna.

"It's okay, lets just go to the cabin."

"Oh and thanks for letting us wear your clothes for the funeral, Sarah. I don't own much black."

She smiles, "Welcome. Bye, Mr. Fishy!" The girls waved and said their goodbyes. Auora headed back to the cabin to sleep while the other two stayed outside.

"Hey, I know what'll make you feel better."

"What?"

"Wanna make my special brownies?"

"Yea!" the two girls walk off towards the mess hall.

*********************************Confession Cam************************************

Adrianna has her feet propped up on the side of the outhouse. She is reading a copy of 'The City of Bones'. "Yea, I'm not that hyper today. First of all, I hate Justin. And second, my system is clean of whatever candy Sarah gave me. I wonder why it doesn't affect her as bad as it does me? Anyways, we are pulling a major prank on Auora. It's gonna be awesome! Oh, and have you ever read this book? I love it! Jace is my life!"

***********************************************************************************

It is early morning and Auora is seen asleep in her bunk. Adrianna and Sarah sneak in and kneel down beside her bed.

"She is going to be so pissed at us when she wakes up." Adrianna whispered.

"Nah! She'll be too doped up to know the difference." she snickered. In her hand was a batch of brownies. "This is gonna be fun." she laughed. She then gently began to shake Auora.

"What're you doing?"

"Well I can't force it down her throat."

"Who are you?" Auora mumbled as she leaned up. Clearly she thought she was dreaming.

"I am Michelangelo and this is Raphael." Sarah said. Adrianna flicked her on the back of the head.

"Seriously, Sarah. Ninja turtles?"

"It was the first thing that popped into my head. Now, Auora, do you want to be a ninja turtle?"

"More than life itself."

"Then eat these brownies and you will be."

She yawned. "Okay." She slowly began to eat the brownies.

"Mission accomplished." The two girls high fived and returned to their beds to get some sleep.

The next morning Adrianna was laying asleep in her bed when she felt a pressure on her back. She opened her eyes and saw Auora laying on top of her smiling. "May I help you?"

"Oh my god, Adrianna. I am so hyper right now. I don't know why!" She looked over at the other top bunk across the room where Sarah was sleeping. "Sarah!!" She performed a Superman move and somehow lept across the room onto Sarah's bed causing her to scream in surprise. "Hi Sarah, whats up? You will never guess the crazy dream I had. Michelangelo and Raphael came to me and gave me brownies! And boy were they good. Is it supposed to rain today? I like rain!"

Sarah laughed and looked over at Adrianna, "Perfect." Chef then bursts in their room.

"Okay! Now who was in my kitchen last night?"

Auora's eyes grew wide. "Chef!" She lept on his shoulders. "Piggyback ride!"

"Wow, she's worse than you." Sarah said to Adrianna. Chef ran around the room frantically screaming about the beast on his back.

Chris walked in and looked at the scene. "Okay, I have a feeling something illegal went down here last night, so I don't want to ask."

"It's best you didn't." Adrianna said.

"Well, Justin is on his way." Chef finally got Auora off of her and she was now jumping excitedly on her bed.

"Give us five minutes." The girls got dressed and headed towards the dock. "Wow, we're early for once." Sarah said. Suddenly, music is heard in the distance. The yacht pulled up and Justin walked out. He smiled his pearly white teeth at the girls. Neither of them looked hypnotized by his hotness. He looked at Chris confused.

"They're not like normal girls, dude. Good luck!"

"Follow us, Justin." Adrianna said in a creepy voice as she led them to the trailer. He took a seat on the couch and Adrianna sat in the chair. Sarah had to help Auora walk and helped her sit on the floor.

"Okay, Justin, mind if I start with some of my own questions?"

He just smiled.

"Well....okay then. Why are you considered man candy when you are so ugly?" His face was a look of shock. "Oh, come on, we all know it's true. Anyways, do you have a boyfriend?"

"Of course not!"

"It speaks!" Sarah proclaimed.

"Whats your boyfriend's name?"

"I don't have a boyfriend." he said calmly.

"Can I meet him?"

"Umm, no?"

"Is it Noah??"

"Of course not."

Adrianna looked over at Sarah. "He's not as much fun."

"I know, but we'll figure out a way to torture him into being fun later."

"I have fingers!" Auora cried out. The girls looked at her and couldn't help but giggle as she examined all of her fingers.

"Think we gave her a little too much?" Adrianna asked.

"Nah!" her and Sarah said simultaneously.

"Umm, can we continue my interview? I have a photo shoot in an hour."

"Psh, even if we did hurry, your not going to make it." Sarah crossed her arms.

"Why not?"

"Cuz, people actually like this story. I get several questions every day. You better buckle up, Jack, we're gonna be here a while."

"But I thought his name was Justin?" Auora said confused.

"Our first questions are from alienphantom. Why the hell didn't you talk in the first season except for a little bit?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "I tried to keep a low profile, so I could slip through to the end."

"Nice plan." Sarah said sarcastically.

"What is your I.Q?"

"I don't know."

"Do you admit to being an evil, man-whore, user like Heather?"

"I don't believe I'm evil. Or a man whore. I might be a little bit of a user, but I can't help it with these looks."

"Are the rumors about you being hot for Duncan true? Are they!?!?!"

"Of course not. He's just a stupid punk wannabe."

"I wouldn't go there if I were you." she said pointing to a fuming Sarah. "Moving on, are you and Noah, in fact, fraternal twins separated at birth?"

"I don't think so, we don't even look alike."

"....thats what fraternal means, Einstein." Sarah said.

"I see Sarah has taken over Auora's role as the cynical one."

"Well, she's a little pre-occupied at the moment." she pointed up where Adrianna was hanging from the ceiling.

"How is she sticking?" Adrianna asked.

"Duck tape!" Auora yelled.

"Anyways, will you be resuming your relationship with Izzy?"

"There was never a relationship there."

"Sure there wasn't. Are you a liar?"

"Sometimes."

"Why are you the only character with pupils. Huh? HUH!?!?!"

"Because I'm the hottest."

"I actually had never noticed that before." Sarah said.

"What did you do at Playa de Losers?"

"Tan."

"Will I be in the story to harras you like some of the others?"

"Nope!" Sarah said.

Suddenly a boy bursts through the door. "Hey thats not fair!" he said.

Auora suddenly fell from the ceiling, landing on the boy, knocking him unconscious. "Oops." she giggled. "Better dispose of the body. To the lake!" She ran off carrying the boy.

"Umm, Sarah, you better go get her before she dumps the poor dude into the lake."

"Right. Auora! Stop! He's not dead!" she yelled chasing after her crazed friend.

"Alright, lets get the ball rolling. Our next questions are from the American King. What is your birthday?"

"April 6."

"Why does Noah call you the anti-me?"

"Because he's just jealous because I am so much better looking."

She gasped. "You take that back! He is way cuter and smarter than you! Are you gay?"

"No I am not gay."

"You handle these questions too well." Sarah and Auora came back in. Auora was holding a blade of grass and it looked as if she were whispering to it. "Where's the reviewer?"

"We gave him to Chef."

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Chef was in the kitchen. The reviewer was laying across the table and Chef was putting vegetables into a big cauldron. Chris walked in and tsked at the scene. "Chef, you know we can't cook people on national television. You'll have to wait until the season is over." Chef snapped his fingers in disappointment. He then took the reviewer and tossed him outside. A bear came by and sniffed the body. He then showed a look of affection and cuddled next to it.

**********************************************************************************

"Oh well. Our next questions are from crazytdifangirll11111000001111. Her first question is... am I reading this right? Justin....Justin....Justin...Justin. Hmm... interesting. Her next question is, is it true you buy all your clothes at TJ Maxx, AJ Wright, Marshalls, Calldoors, Wallmart, Beals, Sims, Spencers, HotTopic and Target?"

"I have a personal shopper who buys all of my clothes for me. And she only gets the most expensive brands from the top stores in the world."

"... so you do shop at Wallmart? Sweet. What was your vision when you were making your audition tape? What were you trying to capture in the beach part?"

"My extreme hotness."

"Oh please!" Sarah said.

"Is it true you were a spokes model for Stop N' Shop, and Best Buy and you once worked there?"

"I don't work."

"Wow, this guy is a total doof." Auora said. She had a large mozzarella stick in her hand and was poking Justin with it repeatably.

"Where is she getting all these random objects from!" Adrianna exclaimed.

Sarah looked around guiltily. "Umm... I don't know."

Adrianna sighed. "Is it true you modeled for Walmart, Target, and Hot Topic once?"

"No. Walmart and Target are for red neck hillbillies and Hot Topic is for scary goth loners."

"You just, like, offended every part of my lifestyle!" Sarah said. "I _will _get my revenge." she threatened.

"How did you get so hot?"

"It's a gift. I'm just that lucky."

"Whats your lucky number?"

"87."

"Why?" Sarah asked.

"Because it's how many photo shoots I have had."

"So your favorite number changes when you have a new photo shoot?"

"Yup."

"Lame."

"Is it true your favorite songs are This Is Why I'm Hot by Lil Wayne, I'm Too Sexy by Right Said Fred, Burning Love by Elvis Presley, Take Off Your Clothes by Morning Wood, Hot In Herre by Nelly, I Like To Move It by Zoo Gang, I Am A Superstar by ToyBox, Sexy Back by Justin Timberlake, Right Round by Flo-Rida, Can't Touch This by MC Hammer, and Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo by Bloodhound Gang?"

"Yup."

"Oh my god you are so non entertaining!" Sarah said throwing a cantelope at the model's face.

"Hey, watch the assets!"

"Why do you keep taking off your shirt?"

"To distract people so I can win, duh!"

"Do you do anything else besides smile and look hot?"

"Of course I do. I model and.... model!"

"Did you pay Noah to put you in the dictionary or was he hypnotized by your hotness?"

"Umm.. I have no idea what your talking about."

"Wow, shocker. Is it true you were put on the fugly list as number one?"

"Of course not. Thats completely ridiculous."

"Oh is it?" she said suspiciously.

"Umm, yea. Look at this face. And this body. And this butt."

"Yeah, yeah, I took human anatomy, I know. What is your greatest fear?"

"Ugly people."

"Wow, you're nice. Is it true you tried out to be in the 'I'm Too Sexy' music video but they didn't pick you because you were too sexy?"

"Even though I am too sexy, no I did not try out. Plus I think that video is awful. Those bald guys aren't even half of a half of a half as sexy as I am."

"Okay, I'm in Algebra two, and I was still confused by that sentence." Sarah said.

"Hey, guys, be right back. I have to get something." Auora said running out of the trailer.

"Should we follow her and make sure she don't hurt someone?" Adrianna asked.

"Nah." Auora then ran in with twenty bags of balloons. "What are those for?"

"Oh, me and you are gonna play a game later!"

"Cool!"

"Hey, why can't I play the game?" Adrianna said.

"Cuz the interviewer never gets to have fun." Sarah said sticking her tongue out.

"Oh, you can play too, Malibu." Auora smiled. Adrianna glared at Sarah.

"You. Told. Her." she said between gritted teeth.

"Yup!"

"I'm gonna get you, Pinky!" She looked up as if she just saw Justin. "Oh yea, interview. Sorry. Is there even such a thing as being too sexy?"

"Well, obviously." he said gesturing to his pecks.

"Is it true you are really a 40 year old man but your good looks make you look so much younger?"

"Umm, no." he said with a little irritation in his voice.

"Just asking, GOSH! Is it true you altered the dictionary to make the definition of Justin: hot, sexy, and gorgeous?"

"What would I gain from that? Who reads the dictionary?"

"I do, Damitz!" Adrianna threw a snow globe at him. "Anyways, are you a dictionary hacker?"

"NO!"

"Wow, Mr. Model shows emotion." Sarah said.

"Shh, no yelling, you will scare the woodland creatures." Auora whispered.

"Okay, Justin are you ready. This is the most insane question yet. Will you marry crazytdifangirll11111000001111?"

"Umm... no."

Just then crazytdifangirll11111000001111 burst through the door. "Too late!" she said holding up a document in her hand. "We already did." She threw the paper at Justin and he began reading over it.

"No, this must be a fake."

"Actually, its not. We were there." Auora said.

"Yea would you like to see the wedding tape?" Sarah said.

"Do you have one?" crazytdifangirll11111000001111 asked.

"Yea, here." Sarah pulled a tape out of her back pocket and reached it to crazytdifangirll11111000001111.

Adrianna looked at her curiously. "You carry the wedding video around with you?"

"...maybe." Crazytdifangirll11111000001111 put the video in the VCR. The camera was being twisted a little. Then it steadied and showed crazytdifangirll11111000001111 walking down the aisle in a white gown. Justin was waiting for her but he looked slightly intoxicated. He was grinning goofly and his eyes were slightly squinting. Owen was the best man and he was wearing a soft pink cocktail dress. He said it was on a dare, but we all knew it was because he looked sexy in it. In the audience was Sarah, Auora, and Adrianna along with a few competitors from TDI. Ezekiel was sitting in between Gina and his cardboard cutout of Izzy. Gina was glaring at the cut out. Ezekiel looked nervous and hid under his toque. Crazytdifangirll11111000001111 had finally made it up to the alter. The ceremony continued on and they shared a small kiss at the end, but crazytdifangirll11111000001111 quickly pulled away. Sarah, Auora, and Adrianna began cheering loudly and were even playing a kazoo. Then crazytdifangirll11111000001111 ripped off her dress to reveal a fast food restaurant uniform. "_Time to make me some chalupas!"_ She said as she ran off to Taco Bell. The tape ended and all the girls looked at Justin.

"What was I on?"

"Brownies." Sarah smiled.

"Well, I must go. I'll tell the kids you said hi, hubby!"

"Wait, we had kids?" he looked horrified.

"Here, reviewer, have a balloon!" Auora held out a inflated balloon to crazytdifangirll11111000001111.

"Aww, thanks. Bye!!!" She ran outside. A helicopter is heard in the distance.

"Well that was fun! But on with her questions. Are you bi?"

"No!"

"Why does Owen seem to be attracted to you? And why do you seem to be attracted to him?"

"Everyone is attracted to me, and I am not attracted to him. Not even a little."

"Whats life like on planet hot? Is planet hot the sun?"

"What in the world is she talking about?"

"Never mind, it's obvious you're too stupid to answer such a question. Have you ever had a sugar rush?"

"Sugar is not apart of my diet. I have to keep this perfect body."

"You don't have much of a life. Did you know she snuck into your house and put sugar in all of your bottled waters?"

"I.. wait.. what?!?! You mean I not only ate sugar but got it on my perfect pecks!?!?!"

"Don't break a vein, pretty boy." Auora said.

"How much make-up do you wear? Or are you naturally hot?"

"I am just naturally gorgeous."

"Is it true that if you stare at a camera and act sexy in front of it long enough, it will take the best picture of you on its own even if its not on?"

He shrugged. "Probably."

"How many more questions do you think you will be asked?"

"Eh, about 2 or 3." The three girls burst out laughing. "Whats so funny?"

"Dude. We have, like, over a hundred more to go!" Sarah said between laughs.

"But we are already at ten pages."

"I know right!"

"Okay our next questions are from All4Noah. If you could have any superpower what would it be?" Adrianna said.

"Super hotness, oh wait, I already have that."

"I hate him." Sarah said.

"Cheese!" Auora screamed.

"Whats your favorite element?"

"I don't understand..."

"Of course not. Whats your favorite movie?"

"I mostly just watch slide shows of all my personal photographs. I love my Christmas special one. Would you ladies like a copy?"

"God no! Do you plan on writing any books?"

"I might get someone to write a book about me, but other than that, no."

"Do you read books?"

"No."

"If you could live in any show, what would it be?"

"I don't watch shows that don't star me."

"Is it true that you have mind control powers?"

He looked at her strangely. "...no."

"Hey, I don't make the questions, I just read them. Why are you so narcissistic?"

"I don't think I am."

"Bologna." said Sarah.

"Is it true that you have some roles in Broadway plays?"

"I only do commercials for the moment. Theater just isn't my thing."

"Do you have or would you buy a house made out of mirrors."

He grinned. "Sure I would. More places to admire my hot self at."

"What is your favorite TV channel?"

"Anyone I'm on."

"Would you consider acting?"

"I already have a few roles, but thats classified information."

"Are those your real muscles or are you wearing a body suit?"

"I am all natural, baby."

"Don't call me baby. What type of music do you listen to?"

"My theme song."

"You mean the one where its just this deep man's voice saying your name over and over?"

"Yes."

"...Interesting. What were you in a past life?"

"Probably a guy just as hot and sexy as myself."

"You wish. Okay our next two questions are from MusicLover48. On TDA, are you really only pretending to like Beth for your own selfish purposes or do you really have feelings for her deep down inside?"

"I do not have feelings for Beth. She is useful to me."

"Your a poop muncher." Auora shouted.

"Why, thank you."

"What would you do if I told you that I think you're not as cute as Duncan, Noah, and DJ combined?"

"Oh, someone with good taste." Sarah said.

"Well, I would say you are completely blind and probably brain dead." He was then hit in the face with a fish. "Ow!"

"Don't diss my reviewers!" Sarah shouted.

"Our next questions are from Jewelz. What is your favorite color?"

"Dark green."

"Is Justin your real name?"

"Yes."

"What does Justin mean?"

"Major hotness."

"Who is your idol?"

"Me."

"What is an average day in the life of Justin?"

"Being totally hot."

"If you were forced to marry someone right this second against your will and you cannot divorce this person and the people you are forced to choose from are Justin, Izzy, Eva, Heather, Owen, Justin, some random person named Justin, a female assassin, a man eating bear, a man eating shark, Justin, an opera singer that loved to sing opera all the time and only speaks as if they were in an opera, Vicky from Fairly Odd Parents, or Ugly Betty, who would you choose?"

"Well, the only three people who sound suitable are Heather, a female assassin, or me."

"This dude is ONE crazy fruit loop." Auora said.

"Is it true what Izzy said about you two dating?"

"Of course not. She's psycho."

"What is the one thing you cannot live without?"

"A mirror."

"Why do you always have your own music? And how did you get it?"

"The producers thought I was so hot, they just gave it to me."

"What made you want to go into modeling?"

"My amazingly hot looks."

"Have you ever thought of growing a beard? How do you think you would look with one?"

"Oh, god not. Beards are for hobos and fat people."

"Real nice, Justin. What is your favorite candy?"

"Are you kidding? I can't eat candy! It will ruin my perfect figure!"

"You were stuck in the middle of no where on some uncharted island in the ocean and there was no way of ever getting home. You are on your own struggling to survive and get hungry. Believe it or not the only other person on the island is Owen and the only thing on the island that is the closest thing to civilization is an abandoned McDonald's but the food is inside. What do you do?"

"Wow, that question contradicted itself so many times its not even funny!" Sarah laughed.

"I would eat the food, but lock the door so Owen can't get in."

"Oh, trust me. That won't stop him. Our next long set of questions are from bluemood2021b. She asks is it true you are going to be in a Listerine commercial soon?"

"As a matter of fact, yes. Since my teeth are perfectly white and shiny, they asked me-"

"Moving on. How many commercials have you been in or is this your first? And what type of commercials have you done?"

"This will be my sixteenth commercial. When I was little I did diaper commercials and I have done a variety of clothes lines."

"There have been a few rumors going around about you. 1. You are a testube baby. 2. You follow a religion that you made yourself and it has become a real religion because others wanted to follow it but sadly you are the only guy in it. 3. The reason why Owen gets distracted by your hotness like the girls is because you are gay. 4. You made out with Owen. 5. You are either dating Beth because you have true feelings for her or you are just using her to get farther in the game. 6. You plan on marrying both Katie and Sadie. 7. You have a spray on tan. 8. You dated Eva. 9. The only reason why you get A+'s in school is because all the teachers were distracted by how you are and felt you were too hot to fail. Are any of these true?"

"All responses must be in order." Sarah said.

"I was not a testube baby, thats insane. I am not a very religious person, even though I am clever enough to create my own religion. Owen is attracted to me because I am h-o-t, I am not gay. I am not gay. Beth is just useful to me at the moment. I don't plan on marrying either of those annoying people. How dare you, my tan is completely natural! I would never date she-man. And, even though that is probably true, I resent it."

"I don't like interviewing him!" Auora pouted.

Sarah patted her arm. "It's okay, I promise I will let you do something destructive later."

"Yay!" She continued to blow up another balloon.

"Did you think any of the girls on TDI were hot?"

"Some were mildly attracted, but not nearly as hot as me."

"What was the most embarrassing thing that happened to you on the show?"

"Probably getting eliminated."

"What do you think about the videos on YouTube that people made about you with what they consider to be your theme song? Do you agree that those would be your theme song?"

"Of course. Considering that all the songs talk about my major hotness."

"If you could choose your own theme song what would it be?"

"Probably the one I have now, it completely captures my hotness."

"Can I do something fun now?" Auora whined.

"Hush and finish blowing up your balloons. If you had to rate your hotness on a scale of one to a million, what would you rate yourself?"

"One million and one."

"What would you do if you had to rate how many flaws you had?"

He lightly chuckled. "I don't have any flaws, come on, look at me."

Adrianna turned to Sarah. "Can I hurt him?"

"Finish the questions first." she shrugged.

"Okay. Do you own a tanning bed? Or a Model T?"

"I do not, I don't need them. I have a natural glow."

"Do you have any siblings?"

"No."

"Why did you sign up for Total Drama Island?"

"I didn't, the producers just saw me at a mall and asked me if I would be on their show. I had no idea what I was getting into."

"Do you think you could have made it to the final three if you did not get voted off fourth?"

"Of course. I am the best strategist."

Sarah and Auroa were sitting in the corner eating a batch of brownies. "What? The 'candy' was wearing off of her and I was hungry." Sarah said.

"You know those will go straight to your thighs." Justin commented.

Sarah shrugged, "Eh, at least they'll have a kick ass party on the way down."

"True." Auora was blowing up a orange balloon.

"Why are you doing that anyways?" Adrianna asked.

"You will see eventually!" she said dramatically.

"Okay back to this thing. Who did you vote for?"

"Heather, that girl was bossy."

"Is it true you have insurance on every part of your body?"

"Well, not _every_ part, but yea, most of it."

"How many mirrors do you own?"

"I'm not sure, I have to get someone to run inventory soon."

"You have inventory on your mirrors?"

"Of course."

"So sad..." Sarah said.

"Did you make any friends at Playa de Losers."

"Well, I was friends with Trent. But most of the people were stalkers, like Katie, Sadie, and Beth."

"Who do you feel was the most annoying person on the island? On your team?"

"The most annoying person on my team was Izzy and the most annoying person on the island was Katie and Sadie."

"Do you have any plans for revenge on Chris."

"I cannot reveal that information, but a plan is in the works from all the campers."

"Whats it like having Havana White as a mother?"

"Whose that?"

"I don't know. Guys?"

"No idea." Sarah said.

"Pickle!"

"I don't like questions that confuse me, next. Would you sign up for a reality show ever again if you had the chance?"

"Probably, but just for the fans. Who knows what they would do if they couldn't see this body for too long?"

"Oh the thought drives me insane. Chris once said in TDA that you are probably related then said that he was kidding and you wish you were. Do you wish you were related to Chirs and have a feeling that you actually could be related to him?"

"No way! I am way too good looking."

"Sarah, he's annoying me. Can we do something fun now?" Auora pleaded.

"Like what?"

"Wanna go fishing?"

"Sure! Have fun, Adrianna!"

"What? Your leaving me here? With that!" she exclaimed.

"Yea, cya!" Auora said. She grabbed Sarah by the wrist and dragged her outside.

She sighed and looked at Justin. "I hate my friends. Anyways, our next questions are from Wowzera. What is your favorite vegetable?"

"A carrot."

"What is your favorite fruit?"

"Grapes."

"By the looks of it, you are probably going to be asked some crazy, insane, and twisted questions. Do you think that after this interview, you might end up seeing a psychologist or psychiatrist?"

"My mind is too stable for something like that."

"Your intolerable." Suddenly Chris popped in to reach Adrianna a note. While doing so, he kept his face toward the camera, giving his famous grin. "Okay, okay. Get out here pretty boy!" She shuued him away. She read over the letter and looked confused. She turned towards the camera.

"Huh, well this has never happened before. The union suggests that we split this interview into two chapters." She looks down and re-reads the note to make sure. "Anyways, this concludes part one of this interview! How will Justin handle the next part of the interview? Will we finally get him to crack? Will Auora ever come off of her candy high rampage? What will they fish out of the lake? And will I kill Justin next chapter?"

"What?"

"All these mind numbing questions revealed, in the next chapter. Good night, Canada, America, England, Singapore, Australia, Belize, Ireland, Brazil, and Chili!"

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**Sarah: Sorry guys! But this was getting very long, and I was **_**still **_**getting questions daily.**

**Auora: Umm, where are we?**

**Sarah: In my authors note, silly.**

**Adrianna: Yay! This sounds like fun.**

**Sarah: Oh it is.**

**Auora: So, you are going to do your authors notes like this from now on?**

**Sarah: Yup.**

**Auora: Sweetness.**

**Sarah: Anyways, just review and tell me what you think. I am NOT accepting questions for Katie at the moment.**

**Adrianna: So you'll probably get no reviews.**

**Sarah: Right, anyways thanks for reading! New chapter up soon! **


	6. AHAMASHTB Part Two

**Sarah: Hey guys!**

**Auora: It's time for part two!**

**Adrianna: But before we do, Sarah has a little surprise for you.**

**Sarah: This is true, I do. We three lovely ladies have made icons of ourselves so you can better visualize our character.**

**Adrianna: Well I was too lazy, so Sarah did mine for me!**

**Auora: But I made mine!**

**Sarah: Here is the link: .com/albums/tt97/xXxTDIAngelxXx/ If the link does not show up, then search xxxTDIAngelxXx on photobucket.**

**Adrianna: Now read the story DAMNITZ!**

**Auora: No animals were harmed in the making of this interview.**

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Sarah and Auora are outside on the dock fishing. "We haven't caught anything, and it's been." Sarah looks down at her cell phone. "Two whole minutes!"

"I know! Hey wait a minute... I think I've got something!"

"Me too!" The two girls tugged on their lines, and pulled their rods up. Two girls popped out of the water and landed on the dock. One girl had black, shoulder length hair with purple highlights. She had black boots, and an outfit similar to Gwen's. The other one had long dark brown hair with green and blue highlights. She had dark blue jeans and a regular shirt.

"Umm, hello?" Sarah said confusedly.

"May we help you?" Auora asked.

"I'm Raven!" the girl with the purple highlights said.

"And I'm Bluemood2021b!" said the one with green and blue highlights.

"Oh, yea! Your reviewers." Sarah said.

"Yup!" said Raven.

"Okay cool... why are you here?"

"I'm here cuz she wants to meet Justin." Bluemood2021b said.

"Oh are you a fan?"

"God no! But I would like to freak him out."

"Perfect." Auora smiles. "Follow us." The four girls walked to the trailer. Adrianna looked up from her book confused. Justin was asleep on the couch.

"Umm who are these people?"

"Reviewers. Why is there a male model unconscious on our couch?" Sarah asked.

"Oh, we had to take a break between chapters, so I told him to take a nap so I could read."

"Thats nice, but wake him up." Auora said.

"Can I?" Raven asked.

The three girls exchanged a look. "Sure."

"Yay!" Raven ran over and jumped on Justin's stomach. He let out a girly scream.

"Who are you?"

"I'm your stalker!"

Justin quickly jumped up, looking terrified. "And who are you?"

"Your worst nightmare." Bluemood2021b grinned.

"Get him!" The two girls began chasing Justin all around camp. Sarah, Auora, and Adrianna looked at each other.

"Huh, that was...interesting." Sarah said.

"I like them!" Auora said.

"Where did you find them?" Adrianna asked.

"In the lake." Sarah shrugged.

"Interesting."

"Very."

The two girls came back in grinning. Bluemood2021b had Justin draped over her shoulder and she threw him on the couch. "That was fun!" she said.

"Well, we better go."

"Wait! Take a balloon!" Auora handed both reviewers a blue balloon.

"Thanks. Bye!" Both girls said. They then walked back to the dock and lept into the water, disappearing.

Justin was on the couch, standing perfectly still, looking scared and confused. "Ah, I love this story." Sarah sighed.

"Alright, lets continue with the interview. Our next questions are from none other than Raven herself. He first question is what toothpaste do you use?"

"Colgate Whitening."

"What underwear do you use?"

"... Fruit of Looms."

"What would you consider a romantic date?"

"Being somewhere with a beautiful girl who tells me how hot I am."

"What would happen if she called you ugly?"

"Then she would be lying." Suddenly Sarah's cell phone rings.

"Hello? Hi there? How did you get my number? Ah, the Internet. Okay, I'll tell him. And tell the squid we said hi." Sarah hung up the phone and looked at Justin.

"That was Raven, she said you're ugly."

"Wow, that was unexpected and random. Anyways, were you ever an underwear model?"

"Why yes, yes I was."

"What was the worst vacation you ever had?"

"Total Drama Island."

"What shampoos and conditioners do you use?"

"Suave coconut."

"What is your favorite band?"

"I only listen to songs that describe my hotness."

"Do you have a number nine obsession like Trent?"

"No."

"Why do you smile at people through the tv? Seriously! Its like your stalking everyone! Why must you stalk people!"

"She's one to talk. Why does she stalk me."

"Cuz it's entertaining. Are you in love with anybody? Or everybody?"

"No I am not."

"He only loves himself." Sarah said.

"Who was your first love?"

"Myself."

"Creepy. Is Izzy mad at you because you stole Owen from her?"

"I did not steal Owen, there is nothing between us."

"Uh huh, sure. Thats what they all say. Why does your hotness only work on two of the guys but not all of them?"

"Because, apparently, only two are attracted to males."

"How did you get my little sister to become a fan of you?"

"My hypnotic powers."

"Would you allow her to stare at you all day? Kiss you? Hug you?"

"Staring, yes. Kissing and hugging, no."

"Did you hypnotized her?"

"Not intentionally, but maybe."

"Do you plan on taking over the world with your powers?"

"Not yet, but it is a possibility."

"Are your teeth really that white or do you use a ridiculous amount of teeth whitener?"

"They're naturally white, even though I do use a little bit of teeth whitener."

"Is it true you stole Chris' hair gel?"

He scoffed. "That cheap brand? As if."

Sarah looked over at Auora, who was still blowing up balloons. "How long must this go on?"

"Until I have 300!" Then she whispered, "or more!"

"Our next questions are from NightOfAThousandDreams. If you had a choice between Heather and Beth who would you pick?"

"Since Beth is completely unattractive, probably Heather."

"If she threatened to blow your pretty little head off, would you marry her?"

A moment of awkward silence. "Probably not."

"I heard probably! Who is the real Justin: quiet, nice guy from TDI or arrogant bitch ass from TDA?"

"I am a complex person."

"Hey thats my line!" Sarah yelled.

"Are you a virgin?"

"I refuse to answer that." Auora threw a turtle at him.

"Thank you Auora! Our next questions are from DXC, formally known as DUDE-IN-A-GIRL'S-BODY. Is it true that when you were younger your parents cut out your vocal cords while you were asleep and thats why you don't talk? Hmm." Adrianna continues to stare at the paper, re-reading it. "Well, the reviewer gets what the reviewer wants." She got up and walked over to Justin. She pulled a rubber chicken out from behind her back and hit Justin with it.

"Ow! Stupid reviewers. And no, that is completely false."

By this time, Adrianna had returned to her seat. "Well, that was fun. Is it true Noah tried to use his gayness on you?"

Suddenly Noah burst through the door. "I resent that!"

"Hey, you've had your turn! Now shoo before I get Adrianna on you again!" Sarah threatened. The book worm looked over, horrified, to the girl in the armchair.

"Hi Noah." she said flirtingly.

He then ran out as fast as he could, screaming like a little girl.

"Hehe, I think he peed his pants." Auora giggled.

Adrianna put her hand on her hips. "Theres nothing wrong with that! I think it's kind of adorable." She smiles. "Anyways, is it true you dated Heather?"

"Nope."

"Are you adopted."

"I'm not sure, my parents aren't even half as gorgeous as I am."

"Are your parents ugly."

"Read two paragraphs up." Sarah said.

"If she tied you to a chair and beat you repeatedly in the face with a chicken, what would you do?"

"Sue."

"What if I did it?" Adrianna asked evilly.

"....I would cry."

She smiled. "That makes me feel warm on the inside. Sarah? What is this feeling?"

"Power." she replied darkly.

"Feels good, doesn't it?" Auora asked in just as creepy of a voice.

"So good. Oh yea, back to this interview thingy. Our next question is from a person with one question. Wow, fitting name. What names do you find attractive?"

"Justin, and for a girl, Justine."

"Of course you do. Our next questions are from Anne. She asks, what is your sexual orientation?"

"Straight."

"Is it true the only so-called book you read was really a photo album with pictures of yourself in it?"

He hung his head, "Yes."

"Would you marry yourself if you could?"

"But he can't! He already has a beautiful, loving wife!" Sarah said. Her phone suddenly rang. "Hello? Your welcome." She hung up.

"How do all the reviewers get your phone number?"

"And better yet, why does almost every chapter consist of people calling you?" Auora pondered.

She shrugged. "Who knows. Hey, I'm not the victim! Interview him!"

"Okay okay! Sheesh. Is it true your room is decorated with over 2,987 pictures of yourself? Wow, way to be specific."

"Nonsense! Its only 798."

"Yea, that is such nonsense! Is it true you get subscriptions to PlayGirl and drool every time you see a picture of a male model?"

"Eww, gross, no."

"What is your favorite show on Oxygen, WE, and Lifetime?"

"Those are chick channels. I don't watch them."

".... Anyways. Are you and Owen more than just friends?"

"Of course not. We're barely even friends."

"Do you get hypnotized by your own hotness every time you look in the mirror or at your picture?"

"No, I am immune to my powers."

Auora was counting all the balloons she had inflated so far. It took up half of the trailer. 146, 147, 148! Yes! Only.... 152 more to go!"

"Dang, chicka, whats up with all the balloons?" Sarah asked.

Auora ran to her and placed her hand over her mouth and whispered in her ear, "Shh, its a secret!"

"Sarah, would you like me to continue?"

"Yes please." she said, glancing nervously at Auora.

"Our next questions are from Lone Trombone. Is it true you dated Eva, Noah, Katie, Sadie, Izzy, Cody, Beth, Courtney, Harold, Bridgette, Lindsay, Leshawna, and Heather?"

"Ah, don't you love the homosexuality in my stories?" Sarah sighed.

"All of those accusations are false. I have never dated anyone from the show." He folded his arms.

"If you were stranded on a deserted island and you only had one person from TDI to keep you warm, who would it be?"

"Hmm, probably Heather. Or maybe Lindsay."

"Do you ever read fanfiction?"

"Whats fanfiction?"

"My life!" Sarah exclaimed.

"And mine!" Auora shrieked.

"And mine! Are you even from this planet?"

"Yes."

"Are you upset that there isn't an apple pie in front of you right now?"

"Umm, not really."

"I am." Auora said seriously.

"Do you wear makeup?"

"Sometimes, but only for certain photo shoots."

"Haha, girly man! Is it true you kiss your pet rat every night?"

"Why would I own something as disgusting and hideous as a rat?"

Auora threw a tree branch at him. "Rats are beautiful."

"If you had to make out with one of the three interviewers for as long as they wanted, who would it be?"

"I have to choose one of you?" He said in disgust.

"Watch what you say pretty boy." Sarah threatened.

He gulped. "Okay then. I guess the curly headed one."

Auora and Sarah turned and were rolling on the floor laughing, clutching their stomachs. Adrianna had her mouth dropped open.

"Adrianna and Justin sitting in a tree." Sarah sang.

Then Auora joined in. "K-I-S-S-I-N-G!" This sent them into another fit of laughter.

Adrianna was blushing madly. But not from Justin, but from fury. "Okay, just shut up okay! I am moving on! Is it true you are secretly addicted to Chef's food because he puts 'white powdered candy' in it?"

Auora gasped. "He puts candy in his food!"

"Auora. Sarah. Go investigate!" Adrianna ordered.

"But, I have to finish the balloons!" Auora whined shaking an empty purple balloon in front of her face.

"Fine. Sarah, go sneak into Chef's kitchen and see where his stash is."

"Can I torture him while I'm there?"

She shrugged. "Sure, what do I care?"

"Yipee!"

Sarah skipped out the door, towards the kitchen.

"Okay, our next questions are from Sally Sunday. She asks, is there any other human out there, in this world, that you love other than yourself?"

He put a finger on his chin and pondered the question. "Not that I can think of."

"Are you capable of actual love or are you like Lord Voldemort? Oh yea, Harry Potter reference."

"I don't understand..."

"What inspired you to be a model in the first place?"

"My extreme hotness."

"Did you always know you were gorgeous or were you one of those people who eventually discovered it through the compliments of others?"

"Oh, I always knew."

"Did you look good as a baby or were you a late bloomer?"

"I've always been gorgeous."

"Is there anything else your good at besides loving yourself or talking about yourself or -heck- anything to do with your vain/narcissistic/model tendencies?"

"As a matter of fact, I am an excellent hand model. See, check it out." He said holding his hand out for them to examine.

"Wow, so interesting. Whats your view on Izzy? We all know you only hate her because she doesn't find you gorgeous or attractive."

"I think she is blind, annoying, and crazy. Don't believe anything she says. And I mean anything."

"Is there anyone you might be compatible with romantically on TDI?"

"For the love of god, no!"

"Do you have any real friends?"

"Of course I do!"

"I don't believe you!" Auora tried to throw a balloon at him, but it didn't even make it half way. Adrianna looked at her questioningly. "What? I ran out of things to throw!"

"Back to this. Is there anyone you respect or admire?"

"Myself."

"If someone in your family were really sick, say your mother, would you actually donate any of your money earned from modeling towards her welfare?"

"Of course. I'm not completely heartless."

"I have this strange feeling that you're lying. Our next questions are from Paulinaghost. Wow, we actually found a Justin FAN. Never thought I'd see the day when one of them popped up. Anywhos, if you had to pick between marrying Courtney or fighting Duncan which would you choose? And you can't say neither."

"Defiantly marrying Courtney. I do have a big ego when it comes to my good looks, but Duncan would seriously kick my ass."

"Do you like crack pairings?"

He shrugged, "It depends. Some people think of really weird couples though."

"Are you related to Chad from the 'Bleach' series?"

"No. He's just a cartoon." The girls stare at him blankly for a moment. "What?"

"Should we tell him?" Auora asked.

"Its better we didn't. What do you think of Justin and Courtney fanfics?"

"You mean as a couple?" He opened his mouth to speak, but closed it and pondered it for a moment. "Actually, that wouldn't be too bad."

"Eww! Eww! Okay moving on! What do you think of the fanfictions about you?"

"I do not know what fanfiction is."

"Then we will skip that one. Hey, I wonder why Sarah isn't back yet."

"What do you think she's doing?"

Sarah was in the kitchen searching for Chef's stash. She opened the cookie jar, looked in the freezer, checked under his knifes, nothing. She decided that since she couldn't find anything, she would continue on with her prank. She walked over to Chef's stool and lifted up the cushion. She then pulled a whoopie cushion out of her pocket and sat it in the chair and placed the cushion back on top. She heard the door creak open. She hurriedly ran to the cupboard to hide. She opened it just a crack so she could watch the action. Chef Hatchet came in singing in a high pitch voice. Sarah silently giggled as she recognized the song to be 'I'm Not A Girl, Not Yet A Woman' by Britney Spears.

He continued to sing as he walked over to his 'Chef Table'. He sat down on the chair and heard the sound of the whoopie cusion. He stopped singing and looked around the room half scarred and half confused.

********************************Confessional Cam***********************************

Sarah was sitting in the confessional stall looking at the camera, trying hard not to laugh. After a minute she couldn't take it anymore and burst out into fits of uncontrollable laughter. She sighed and whipped a tear from her eye. "Okay, call me childish and immature, but that was amazingly awesome! Yea, I just gained, like, twenty thousand points on the cool-meter scale."

**********************************************************************************

Sarah bursts through the cupboard doors, rolling on the ground laughing. "Why you little brat. How dare you cause farting noises that didn't exist my buttox." This made Sarah laugh ten times harder.

"Who says buttox? You sound like a French guy!"

"Why thats it, I outta...."

"Oh don't act all big and bad, Chef. You fear me." she said standing up.

His eyes searched the room nervously, looking anywhere but at her. "Th-thats ridiculous. I don't know what your talking about."

Sarah got an evil smirk on her face before leaning in close to Chef. His forehead was now damp with sweat and he reeked of fear. She leaned in a little closer and whispered, "Boo."

Chef screamed a girly shrill and ran away. Only he didn't use the door, instead he pulled a 'DJ' and ran right through the wall, leaving a Chef shaped hole behind. She smirked to herself, "I love me." She then walked through out of the lunchroom and back towards the trailer.

Sarah walked back into the trailer. Auora was almost finished filling up the balloons. Her eyes slightly droopy. "You okay?"

"Yea, just a little light headed."

"Here, this will help." She handed her another brownie.

"Yay!"

"Good you're back. Find anything?"

"Nope, but I made Chef's 'buttox' make farty noises."

"Nice. I'm going to go ahead, since these are the last set. The final set of questions are from Coldstone288. If you could have sex with your clone, would you?"

"But thats impossible."

"Thats not a no!" Adrianna sang.

"Well of course I wouldn't. I'm not gay and that would be super creepy."

"Are you interested in Heather?"

"Why so many Heather questions? No I am not."

"Would you make out with any of the interviewers?"

"By choice? No."

"I would be offended, but I'm actually quite relieved." Sarah commented.

"Do you like Owen as a best friend with benefits?"

"I like him as a friend! An acquaintance if you will, but no more!"

"Is it true you sing 'I'm Too Sexy' when no one is looking?"

He scoffed, "I sing it when people _are _looking. The people have the right to know!"

"Do you have a sister? Is she as hot as you? If yes, can I get her number?"

"My sister is three, dude."

"I thought you said you were an only child."

"I lied."

"Wow, shocker. Do you think you could stand watching a photo of you being burned?"

"No, probably not."

"What would you do for a Klondike bar?"

"Anything but be here."

"And lastly, do you care for Beth at all?"

"Nope." Adrianna grinned madly.

"Oh, Sarah I have a job for you!" she sang.

Sarah raised a curious eyebrow. "What?"

"Auora, tie him up."

Auora quickly jumped to her feet and tied Justin up to the same chair Noah had been tied up to. Adrianna whispered the plan in Sarah's ear. "Man, I love this story!" Sarah said as she ran out of the trailer to retrieve an item.

"What's going on? Untie me!" Justin demanded.

Sarah came back with her hand behind her back. "You know what, Adrianna? Since you didn't get to torture him as much as I know you wanted to, you do the honors." She reached Adrianna the object that was in her hand.

"Thanks Sarah!" She was grinning evilly. "Oh, Justin." She held her hand out to reveal an electric razor.

"What're you gonna do with that?" he said nervously.

"Oh you'll see." She turned it on and began to walk towards Justin.

"Oh please, no, no, NO!" Justin's girl cries could be heard throughout the camp. Adrianna finished and stepped back to admire her work. Now in the chair was a crying, bald Justin. Auora held a mirror in front of his face. "My hair, my hair!"

Sarah then came up and slapped him across the face. "I've been wanting to do that all day!"

"You will pay for this! I will sue you for everything you're worth!"

"Eh, like we haven't heard it before." Auora shrugged.

The door opened and in walked a tall, brown haired teenager wearing jeans and a green t-shirt with a grey hoodie. He walked over to Justin and kicked him where the sun don't shine. Justin couldn't bend over so he just sucked in a large breath in pain as a tear rolled down his cheek. "That's for all the single guys who can't get a date because all the girls are drooling over you!" He turned and left the trailer.

"Wow, there have been a lot of reviewer interruptions this chapter." Adrianna said.

Sarah shrugged, "Eh, what can ya do?"

"Hey guys! Ready for my surprise?" Auora exclaimed.

"Sure."

"Yay!" She retrieved three backpacks. Each backpack had a large garbage bag tied to it. "You might wanna do the closing first."

"Okay then. I hope you all enjoyed this chapter! Sarah is very sorry for the late update and lack of other things. I would like you all to go to Sarah's profile and vote on her poll for who the funniest interviewer is! Pretty please! Anyways, submit questions for Katie!!! Now Auora, what're we gonna do?"

She snickered, "You'll see."

The girls walked outside and Auora gave each of them a backpack. "Here put these on and remove the garbage bag when I say go."

Adrianna and Sarah looked at each other nervously. "Umm, okay?"

"Ready.... Set.... GO!" The girls ripped off the garbage bags to reveal at least a hundred balloons per backpack. They then began to soar into the sky.

"This is awesome!" Sarah exclaimed.

The girls began to soar higher and higher.

"It's like Vegas!" Auora shouted.

"Tune in next time for more Total....Drama....Interviews!" Adrianna shouted, raising her arms up as she did so.

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**Sarah: Guys I am so sorry!**

**Auora: No big deal, we know you're busy.**

**Sarah: Yea, but, I am starting to get un-funny.**

**Adrianna: *Gasps and slaps* Don't ever say that again!**

**Sarah: *Holds cheek* Ow! You can't hit me in my author's note!! Anyways please vote on my poll and tell me if I need to work on anything. Sorry for everything, and I love you all!**

**Auora: Next interview is Katie!**

**Adrianna: See you then!!!**

**Sarah: Happy Writing!**


	7. No One Cares About Katie

**Sarah: Argh! I hate myself! I haven't written in forever!**

**Auora: But this time you have an excuse.**

**Sarah: Yes. I haven't had a weekend off for about two months. With ballgames and the academic team, I'm never home. I'm sorry.**

**Adrianna: It's okay. We know you'll make it up with your funniness.**

**Sarah: Hopefully, anyways enjoy!!**

****

It was a calm, peaceful morning at Camp Wawanakwa. The sun was high in the sky, the birds were chirping, and the woodland creatures were frolicking around happily. Of course, this didn't last very long. The air was soon filled with screams of joy and insanity as the three girls landed on the ground by parachute.

"That was the most fun I've ever had!" Adrianna exclaimed.

"Yea." Sarah said taking a bite out of her burrito. "Mexico was the bomb!"

"Your welcome. Hey, aren't we supposed to be doing something?" Auora said.

"Like what?" Adrianna asked.

"I don't know. Something along the lines of interviewing animated contestants from a Canadian reality show?"

"I think you hit your head." Sarah said.

She shrugged, "Yea probably."

The three girls started to walk towards their cabin, Mexican food in hand, when all of a sudden the loud speaker releases a ear splitting shriek before an even more annoying sound was heard. "Nice to see you ladies decided to return to this country! Your next torture subject is waiting in the trailer."

"Ugh! I hate this!" Adrianna said.

"Who are we interviewing again?" Sarah asked. The girls shrugged and headed towards the trailer. They opened the door to see Katie sitting on the couch.

"Crap." They said simultaneously. Katie jumped up and began squealing.

"Oh my god, it is, like, so nice to meet you! I'm Katie, but you probably already knew that." she babbled.

"Umm, who gets to interview her?" Adrianna whispered to Auora.

"I think Auora should do it." Sarah said.

"Rock, Paper, Scissors?"

"You're on!" Sarah and Auora played until Auora came out with rock while Sarah chose scissors. "How could I loose!?!"

"You can't pick scissors everytime, you know."

"Damnit. Okay Katie let's get this started."

"What? You mean, you're going to interview me without Sadie?"

"Well yea, I mean, you were voted off fifth and she was voted off tenth." Adrianna said.

Katie then burst into tears. She was screaming like a wild hyena. The girls covered their ears to prevent any bleeding.

"Argh! You know what, fine! I'll go get Sadie!" Sarah yelled.

"How are you gonna do that?" Auora yelled over the cries.

Sarah smirked, "Just watch." She then left the trailer.

A few minutes later Sarah returned, but she didn't come alone. She came dragging an agitated Chef dressed in a tight outfit resembling Sadie's and wearing a wig. Katie jumped up and squealed, running to her "best friend". "I hate my life." Chef mumbled.

Sarah rubbed her hands together, "Okay, lets get this show started." She turned and saw a shopping cart filled with an array of desserts, candy, cookies, cakes, brownies, ice cream, churos, pizza, tacos, and other orderves. Adrianna and Auora had already began pigging out on the contents. "Umm, not that I'm not extremely happy that we are going to pig out and probably gain twenty pounds, but why is this cart of deliciousness here?"

Adrianna reached her a folded up piece of paper while scarfing down a little Debbie cake. "A reviewer sent it to us."

"'You all rock, I love you all' from crazytdifangirl11111000001111. Aww! Oh, is that a chocolate covered twinky?"

"Eat on sister." Auora said. Sarah excitingly took the dessert and sat down.

"Hey! Stop eating and get on with this!" Chef boomed.

"Jeez, no need to shout. Okay Katie, our first questions are from The America Writer, formally known as The American King. He asks are you Asian or just really tan?"

"Well, my dad is black and my mom is tan so I might be Asian.. I don't know."

"Well okay then. What is your fear?"

"Well of course being away from Sadie, and bears. This one time in the woods..."

"Woops, don't care. Would you rather date Sadie or Eva?"

"Well, I am totally not that way, but I would go with Sadie, she's my BFFL."

"Huh. I think thats the first person to ever answer a gay question." Adrianna said.

"Whats your birthday?"

"June 14."

"What is your sexual orientation?"

"Straight."

"Are you hot for Sadie?"

"Not in that way."

"Why do you like Justin? He's ugly."

Katie gasped. "Justin is not ugly! He is gorgeous!"

"What is your favorite kind of pie?"

"Cherry!"

"Will you stop crying that Sadie isn't interviewing you already?"

"Why would I cry? She's right here." Katie said hugging Chef's arm.

"Okay then. If you could date anyone on the island, besides Justin or Sadie, who would it be?"

"Well, DJ is kinda cute I guess. And Noah isn't half bad either."

"Hey, you better back off my man, woman!" Adrianna threatened.

"Now now, no violence until I'm done asking questions. What would you do if you were the host of TDA?"

"Well I would be much nicer than Chris, that's for sure."

"But thats not nearly as entertaining." Auora said.

"And finally who do you want to win TDA?"

"Beth definatly. Duncan is scary."

"Now I think Adrianna has some questions, right?"

"Yup I sure do. Could you buy tighter clothes? For who are you flashing?"

"Well, this is actually a size up from what I usually wear. And I don't wish to flash anyone."

"Gross. Are you and Sadie a secret item?"

"No! Of course not. Right Sadie?"

"Sure, sure whatever, can I go now?"

"No! And finally, Sarah, can I hurt her?"

"Wait til the end of the chapter."

"Kay! Imma eat some more pop rocks now."

"Okay then, our next questions are from DXC. Are you a lesbian?"

"Nope."

"If you can have any other best friend besides Sadie who would it be?"

"Well, Sadie is my BFFFL but I like Leshawna, Beth, and Lindsay."

"If you could marry anyone from TDI who would it be?"

"Justin definatly."

"What if I told you I killed Sadie?"

Katie started tearing up. "W-what?"

"Oh come on! She's right there!" Auroa exclaimed.

"I hate my life." Chef mumbled.

"If she tied you to a chair and beat you repeatably in the face with a chicken, what would you do?"

"What kind of question is that? No one would do that to someone."

The girls look at each other nervously.

**FLASHBACK**

Justin was still tied up to the chair and the girls were repeativley beating him in the face with chickens. "Why! You already shaved my head." He wailed.

The girls cackled evilly and continued their form of torture.

**END FLASHBACK**

"No one."

"Thats totally not right."

"Its so evil."

"Stop with the flashbacks and continue with the questions!" Chef said.

"I don't remember Chef being quite so grumpy." Auora said.

"Have you dated Noah?"

"No. Well... not yet anyways."

"Okay thats it!" Adrianna jumped across the room and pumbled on Katie. It took Sarah, Auora, and Chef to hold her back. Sarah reached her a can of cheese whiz. She started to eat it and calmed down. She then returned to her seat on the floor.

"Okay. For the health and safety of everybody in this room, I am going to skip all other Noah questions copiche?"

"Yes ma'am." Auora saluted.

"Okay, now where was I? Oh yea." Sarah was interrupted by a knock on the door. Before anyone could react, a girl walked in wearing a long dark cloak. She walked over to Katie and put a thick metal bracelet on her wrist. She then walked over to Sarah and reached her a remote.

"Use it wisely." she said before exiting the trailer. The room stayed in an awkward silence for about three minutes.

"Okay then? I'm just going to ask questions now." Sarah said slowly. "The next questions are from scalec. Would you care to explain the snack shack incident?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Oh you know."

"Sarah, I don't even know." Auora said.

"Oh... okay then moving on. What do you think about you and Dj, you and Ezekiel, and you and...... no one else." Sarah smiled.

"Well I wouldn't ever date Ezekiel, and I would probably date Dj if he asked me."

"He demands you, Katie, to read '50 words of Ezekiel and Katie', 'Mother Knows Best', and 'Gone, but never far away'."

"Are those books or something?"

Sarah sighed. "Auora?"

"Already got them pulled up." She reached the laptop to Katie. "Good luck."

After about ten minutes Katie had a shocked look on her face. "Wow. All these guys are so sweet."

"Yup, fanfiction rocks. He would really like to know what you though of 'Gone but never far away'."

"It was beautiful. I cried when I read it."

"Touching." she said sarcastically. "How do you feel about Twilight?"

"I absolutely love it!"

"How would you feel if you switched bodies with Sadie?"

"T-that would be g-great."

"Sure. Who would you prefer to be paired with beside Justin?"

"Well after reading these, any of these guys."

"Even Ezekiel? Wow... What are your plans for the future?"

"Well, I'm going to open up my own clothing line, with Sadie of course."

"Would a good theme song for you and Sadie be 'One in the Same'?"

"Totally! I love that song!"

"Our next questions are from crazytdifangirl11111000001111. Is it true you and Sadie are lesbians?"

"Nope."

"Did you once get drunk?"

Katie blushed, "Well one time at a party?"

"Are you dating Sadie?"

"No, I just said that."

"Is it true you once dated Justin? He told her that."

"No! Trust me, if I had dated Justin, then everyone would know."

"How do you get Justin to listen to reason?"

"Well, we don't really talk much. I just kinda stare."

"How are you and your husband doing with your 7 children? And how's Sadie doing with your husband's twin brother and their 7 kids?"

Katie looked around for a moment confused. "Wha?"

"Denial. So sad." Adrianna said.

"Are you Polynesian?"

"Umm... maybe?"

"Doesn't that have something to do with water?" Auora asked.

"I don't know! And we are NOT getting the dictionary out again." Sarah eyed Adrianna.

"But we must know!"

"No we mustn't."

"Is that even a word?" Auora asked.

"Ahh! I don't know. Now both hush!" She cleared her throat and smiled. "Okay Katie, do you happen to sell Rana castebas?"

"Whats that?"

"Frogs." Everyone looked at Sarah. "Well thats what she put in parenthesis! What is your favorite color?"

"Pink."

"If you could date any guy from TDI besides Justin or Noah who would it be?"

"Well, DJ is cute."

"Did you know Noah put you in the dictionary with little hearts around your name?"

She blushed, "He did?"

Adrianna stood up and stormed to a small shelf in the corner of the room. "Auora stop her!"

Auora jumped up and tackled Adrianna to the ground, inches away from the dictionary. "Auora you better let me go!"

"No way sister, your trapped."

"Oh really?" Adrianna flipped over and gave Auora a wet willy, causing her to scream in terror and release her grip. Adrianna then jumped and grabbed the dictionary and started flipping through the pages.

"You are weak." Sarah glared. Auora hung her head in shame.

"That cheating son of a bitch!" Adrianna yelled.

"Hey! There are children watching. Umm, I mean reading..."

"Maybe he wrote something about you too." Katie said.

"Shut up, hoe." Adrianna spat. She flipped through the pages again until she found her name. "Adrianna-A main character in a fanfiction about interviews. Her hobbies include throwing fruit, yelling at old people, and spray painting her gerbils. She is …........... kinda pretty."

"See, do you feel better now? He thinks your pretty." Sarah said.

Adrianna started to calm down and apologized to Auora. They both returned to their seats.

"Okay, I am going to start doing my job again, cuz this is dragging on majorly. So, Katie, do you sell drugs? Heather said you did."

"Of course not."

"Are your favorite songs really Best Friend by ToyBox, True Friend By Hannah Montana, You and I by Anarbor, Could it be by Christy Carlson Romano, You & Me from pokemon the first movie, and Best Friends from pokemon the first movie?"

"Well most of those are, just not the pokemon stuff."

"Hey! Pokemon music is wonderful! Do you have any siblings?"

"Nope."

"What is your I.Q?"

"I don't know actually."

"It's probably the same as your age." Auora muttered.

"Is that a good thing?"

"...... anyways. How do you feel about all these questions being asked."

"They're okay, but some are just creepy and wrong."

"Do you own an MP3 player?"

"Yes."

"Would you date her little brother?"

"Umm... probably not."

"But he's like your only fan!!!!"

"I have plenty of fans!"

"Keep telling yourself that. Our next questions are from Wowzera. What is your favorite vegetable?"

"Broccoli."

"What is your favorite fruit?"

"Banana."

"Are you sad that Sadie isn't next to you right now in this interview?"

"Why do people keep saying that? She is sitting right here."

"Okay, I have to skip the next one because Adrianna is crazy so.... on to the next. By the looks of it you're probably going to be asked some crazy, insane, and twisted questions. Do you think that after the interview you might end up seeing a psychologist or phycratist?"

"No, because I am not crazy."

"Our next questions are from All4Noah. If you could have any superpower what would it be?"

"To read peoples minds. That would be super cool!"

"No one likes puns, Katie. If you were a super hero what title would you give yourself?"

"Wonder Katie!"

Sarah slaps her hand to her forehead and sighs. "You can't reveal your true identity. Jeez, have you never read a comic book!?"

"Umm... no?"

"Shew, you are a disgrace. What is your favorite element."

"Water I guess, cuz we like need it to live and stuff."

"Whats your favorite movie?"

"Oh! The Titanic! It is so sad but Leonardo DiCaprio is soooo hot!"

"Do you plan on writing any books?"

"Probably not."

"What is your favorite book and what kind of books do you read?"

"I don't read books."

"If you could live in any show what would it be?"

"Gossip Girl. All the boys are so cute!"

"What is your favorite TV channel?"

"MTV."

"Would you consider acting?"

"Totally! It is like one of my dreams."

"What type of music do you listen to?"

"Pop and dance."

"What were you in a past life?"

"Ummmm.... I don't know?"

"Is '' your favorite phrase?"

"Oh come on, I don't say it that much!"

"And I have to skip the last one, so we'll go on to the next reviewer, which is Jewelz. Is Katie your real name?"

"Yes."

"What does Katie mean?"

"Well one time Sadie spent the night and we watched this really sad movie and then we ate some shrimp and she asked me what I thought her name meant, so we looked it up. Mine means pure and hers means lady."

"Fascinating. Who is your idol?"

"Britney Spears, she is so pretty and sings so good!"

"Because she is SO sane. And its she sings WELL."

"You think so to?"

"I hate you. What is the average day like for you?"

"Well, it usually starts with me waking up and taking a shower, then putting on this cute new outfit me and Sadie bought at the mall last week. Then I eat some fruit for breakfast and go and pick Katie up at her house. Then we go to the mall and hunt for cute guys and new shoes. Then we eat at the mall and then we go home and she spends the night with me and we watch movies, play games, do makeovers, and eat popcorn. Then we would probably go to sleep and wake up and do it again."

"I despise the person who asked that question." Auora said.

"I don't even talk that much... and I am a talker." Adrianna said.

"Moving on. If you were forced to marry someone right this second against your will and you cannot divorce this person and the people you are forced to choose from are Sadie, Harold, Duncan, Bob, a hobo, Katie, the bear that mauled Cody, Conway Twitty, Chris, Sasquashinokwa, or Patrick Star. Who would you choose?"

"Well I'm not gay so that eliminates Sadie and... myself? Harold is too nerdy, Duncan is hot but scary and I know Courtney would hunt me down if I picked him, I don't know who Bob is, hobos are nasty, the bear is... a bear, Conway Twitty could be my grandpa, Chris is evil, not even going to mention the other two. I guess I'd have to go with Harold."

"Strange but okay. What is the one thing you cannot live without?"

"Sadie for sure."

"Do you read your horoscope?"

"Of course, everyday."

"What did it say for today?" Adrianna asked.

"You will be interrogated by three strange teenagers."

"Wow, that was way out in left field." Sarah said. "What is your astrological sign and does it say that you and Noah, DJ, or Ezekiel are compatible?"

"Gemini and I don't think so."

"If you and Sadie were stuck on an uncharted island that had no life what so ever just sand! Do you think the two of you would go cannibal on each other?"

"Of course not, we are BFFLs, right Sadie?"

"No, I would totally eat you." Chef said.

"Okay then. Our next questions are from Anonymous for a Reason."

"Whats the reason?" Adrianna asked.

"I am afraid we will never know." Auora said.

"What would happen if i told you your diary was being sold on e-bay?"

"Oh my gosh, I would die! It isn't is it?"

"Maybe, maybe not. Did you know that you forgot to go to the doctor, he has to give you a shot and sometimes it hurts." A doctor walked in with a four inch long needle and grinned at Katie.

"Did some body order an extremely painful doctor shot?"

"Oh yes, to the girl with the pigtails."

"Ummm, please don't I like totally hate needles."

Out of no where the doctor disappeared without a trace. Everyone looked around questioningly.

"Darn you Hiro Nakimura." Sarah mumbled.

"What'd you say?" Auora asked.

"Oh nothing. So Katie, is it hard to be a vegan? How can you even be a vegan if you wear fur coats and eat animal crackers?"

"Umm, I'm not a vegan."

"What was it like being an intern? How many near death experiences have you had? Why did you want to be an intern?"

"I would never want to be an intern! Its way to dangerous."

"Our next questions are from Anne. Do you like waffles?"

"Yea, I like waffles."

"Do you like pancakes?"

"Yea, I like pancakes."

"Do you like French toast?"

"Yea, I like French toast."

"Doo doo doo can't wait to get a mouth full!" Auora and Adrianna sang. Sarah glared at them.

"Anyways. Whats your favorite animal?"

"Pandas."

"The next question is from a person with one question, which I think is a fitting name. What names do you find attractive?"

"I love guys with the names Justin, Kyle, Jonathan, and Brad."

"Our next long series of questions are from Raven. What toothpaste do you use?"

"Crest Pro Health."

"What is the square root of a flexnerd?"

"Ummm.... 12?"

"Idiot... everyone knows that the square root of a flexnerd is 9.8860484958459sqiggly. What was the worst vacation you have ever had?"

"Camp Wawanakwa."

"What is the best vacation you have ever had?"

"When me and Sadie went to the beach. That was super fun!"

"What kind of guy, or girl, I don't judge, are you into."

"Well, first of all I am into guys, and second I like guys who are hot."

"So you don't care about personality?" Adrianna asked.

"Not if they're really gorgeous."

"Shallow." Auora faked coughed.

"What would be the perfect date for you?"

"Well, he'd take me to dinner, then he'd buy me something gorgeous and tell me how pretty I was."

"Wow, your the kind of people I hate. What kind of shampoo do you use?"

"Suave Lavender."

"Is it true that you and Dj went out for a year, then you dated Noah for ten years, then you're dating Ezekiel right now?"

"I have never dated anyone from TDI, and I haven't even known Noah for ten years."

"You better not have." Adrianna mumbled.

"What is your favorite band?"

"Toybox."

"Are you in love with anybody? Or everybody?"

"Well, love is a strong word... you see...."

"Time is up, next! Who was your first love?"

"This kid named Josh in the first grade." she blushed.

"Please tell me you were in first grade too, and that your weren't a sixteen year old hitting on a six year old." Auora asked.

"Of course I was in first grade!"

"Okay, chillax. Did you steal Chris' hair gel?"

"No."

"Did you steal Chris' credit card?"

"No."

"Did you know Chris bought you a new car with his credit card?"

Katie gasped, "Really? !"

"Owch! Could you not? Anyways, she would like to believe that she's competing against crazytdifangirll1111000001111 for the most crazy insane questions ever asked, whose winning?"

"Hard to tell." Adrianna said.

"They are both crazy." Auora said.

"And random."

"Hmmm..." Sarah looks at camera. "Vote to choose who is crazier!!!!!! Anyways, she asks, who do you think is the most sane reviewer? Is it me? Please say it's me!"

"Umm, its you?"

There is a loud cheer echoing in the background, far away. "Wow, spooky. Did you know Justin is secretly peeping through your window every night?"

Katie gasps. "He is!"

"Not a good thing, Katie. Is it true that you once dated and married a goat?"

"No, who would do something like that?" Silently Sarah, Adrianna, Auora, and Chef all raised their hands. "Wow."

"And finally, do you think you will be in TDM?"

"No, sadly, they told me I would not."

"Oh what a shame. Our final set of questions are from bluemoon2021b. What do you do in your spare time?"

"Go to the mall with Sadie."

"Why did you sign up for TDI?"

"Sadie found the information on the internet and it sounded fun."

"If you knew what you were going to face would you sign up anyway?"

"If I would have known about the challenges or food, then no."

"Do you have any plans for revenge on Chris?"

"I'm not the revenge seeking type of person."

"Did you think any guys on TDI were hot?"

"Of course! Justin!"

"What do you think of the videos on YouTube that people made about you with what they consider to be your theme song?"

"I think they do a pretty good job."

"Do you agree that those would be your theme songs? If you could choose your own theme song what would it be?"

"I agree with most of them, and my theme song is Superstar by Toybox."

"Do you think you would have been able to make it to the final 3 if you didn't get voted off 5th?"

"Not without Sadie."

"Who did you vote off?"

"The night I was eliminated I voted for Courtney."

"Who was the most annoying person on the island?"

"I liked almost everybody, but Ezekiel's racism was too much."

"Who was the most annoying person on your team?"

"Ezekiel."

"Did you make any friends at playa de losers? What was the most embarrassing thing that happened to you there?"

"Well I hung out with Trent and Noah a little bit, but the most embarrassing moment is when Izzy put parahnas into the jacuzzi, and one bit the bottom off of my shorts."

"What was the most embarrassing thing that happened to you on the show?"

"When me and Sadie squatted in poison ivy."

"How long have you and Sadie known each other?"

"Since we were three."

"Do you and Sadie act as each other's mirrors?"

"Umm, no?"

"How did you feel when you got voted off and weren't with Sadie?"

"Devastated of course."

"Is it true that according to a recent blood test you and Sadie are actually sisters?"

"Oh my gosh, that would be amazing!"

"Would you sign up for a reality show again if you were given the chance?"

"If Sadie was with me, then yes."

"Oh thank god, this interview is over!" Sarah said standing up. "Well, Katie, it has been a truly horrible experience being here with you today, so I am leaving. Girls?"

The three girls got up to walk outside when Chef asked, "Am I done?"

"Sure, why not."

Chef jumped up and ripped off his wig. "Finally! I'm out of here!"

"You mean, that wasn't Sadie?" Katie asked getting teary eyed.

"Oh I guess not, what a shame, see ya!" Auora said running out the door, dragging the other two along with her.

The girls walked outside to find Chris in a fetal position, on the ground, shaking. His hair was frizzy and afro-ish.

"Umm, you okay?" Adrianna asked.

"Someone... s-stole... my.... HAIRGEL!!!" He began sucking his thumb.

"Umm, that sucks dude." Sarah said.

"And it gets worse, someone also stole my credit card and bought 14 ostriches! Who would want an ostrich?"

Meanwhile Chef walked out of the craft services tent, petting a ostrich that had a tag around it's neck saying '_from Reviewer_'. When he saw everyone starring at him he quickly hid the ostrich behind his back.

"Chef? Why are you still wearing Sadie's clothes?"

"Umm, well... because I... it makes me feel pretty okay!"

"Okay then?" Sarah turned to the camera. "Sorry for the three month absence, but what can I say? I suck. It was rushed, I know, but thats just because no one cares about Katie. I promise that I will try to update at least once a month. If I don't please PM me and ask me to update, because if it weren't for Adrianna's constant emails, I would have never updated."

"Just doing my job."

"Anyways, submit your questions and, for the sake of Raven, vote for who the craziest reviewer is and who the most sane is, winners will be featured in the next chapter. Oh and whoever can guess the television reference I made, will also be in next chapter. For now, I'm Sarah."

"I'm Adrianna."

"And I'm Auora."

"And this has been Total! Drama! Interviews!"

Sarah: Sorry!!! I know it sucks, but I will get better. Oh and I hope this cheers you up Adrianna! And congrats to Auora on her swimming competition. Oh, also I didn't read this when I got done, so ignore all grammer mistakes please! Thank you =D

Happy Writing!


	8. Taylor? Part One

**Sarah: Uno!**

**Auora: Dos!**

**Adrianna: Tres!**

**Sarah: It's time for a new chapter of Interviews!**

**Adrianna: Aren't you excited?**

**Auora: I am.**

**Sarah: Here we go!**

**Auora: For safety precautions, please wear a helmet and drink Gatorade while reading this Interview.**

****

The girls were hanging out in their cabin. It had been a boring day. Adrianna was on her bunk reading, Auora was in the floor playing a DS, and Sarah was starring intently at her laptop. Suddenly she shrieked and threw a pillow forcefully at the door. "What's wrong?" Auora asked not looking up from her game.

"I can't come up with a way to start this chapter! We aren't doing anything!"

Adrianna tapped her chin in thought. "Hmm, why don't we have Peter Pan come in on his flying ship!"

"The chances of that happening are the same as Auora's head suddenly exploding when she loses at Mario Kart."

"Hehe, I never lose." Auora snickered.

The ground rumbled momentarily and shouts were heard from outside the cabin. "What's that?" Adrianna asked.

They all walked outside to find a huge pirate ship that read 'The Jolly Roger' on the side. On the deck stood a boy in a green hat yelling at some midgets. "I said second star to the right. Second! Stupid lost boys."

"Is that Petter Pan?" Sarah asked with her mouth hanging open.

Auora looked down at her DS horrified. She screamed and dropped it to the ground and ran away, clutching her head.

****************************Confessional Can****************************

Auora is breathing into a plastic bag with wide eyes. She is wearing a helmet with duck tape securing it in place. "My head can't explode, I use it for too many important things!" She continued to breath through the bag until she passed out.

"Umm, Mr. Pan? What exactly are you doing here?"

"I was trying to get to Neverland but somehow wound up here. Wait, is one of you Sir Sarah the XVIII?"

"That would be me!" Sarah said.

"Sir Sarah the XVIII?"

"What? I couldn't put my real name! That would be stupid."

"Yea, _that's_ stupid. So, why do you need this idiot?"

"Oh, I have to deliver this package to you."

"So you're a mail man, now?"

"Yea, I got sued for kidnapping children and taking them to a far off land with pirates and creepy little misguided midgets."

"Ah, I see. Umm, thanks?" Sarah said taking the package. Peter nodded and jumped back on his ship and took off. "That was... interesting."

"Twas. What's in the box?"

Sarah opens the box. "HOLY CRAP COOKIE CAKE!"

"And flare guns?"

"Hello! Are you not seeing the awesomeness that is the cookie cake?"

"Aww, it says DxC! Let's go make Auora eat it! Where'd she go?"

"I think I saw her in the confessional can."

Before they could leave, Chris walks up, clearly upset, and gasps at the giant hole in the ground. "What the heck happened here!"

"Did you not see the giant pirate ship park here?" Sarah asked.

"Umm, no! Man, this is the worst day ever!"

"How so?"

"Well, there's a huge hole in the ground and I found this ransom note on my desk." He reached the note to Adrianna.

_I__ have your hair gel as a ransom and I will burn it._

_-Anonymous _

_PS: I already burned it. You're welcome._

"Well at least it was a polite ransom note." Sarah said.

"Oh by the way Tyler is here." Chris mumbled while he snatched the note from Adrianna's hand and drug away.

"We need to find Auora. It's time to get our game faces one." Adrianna said. They both nodded and slid their fake nose and glasses over their face. They marched over to the confessional can and opened the door to see Auora passed out.

"This is quite the predicament." Sarah said rubbing her fake mustache under her fake nose.

"Auora wakey wakey!" Adrianna said. However, instead of saying it in a sing song voice, she screamed it.

Auora screamed and woke up. She looked around until she saw Adrianna and Sarah's 'serious' face and then she screamed again.

"Jeez, don't get your panties in a twist, it's time to interview."

"Okay, but can you all take your serious faces off?"

"Shew, fine!" They took their faces off and Auora sighed in relief. She got off of the confessional can floor and the three began walking to towards the trailer, where Tyler awaited on the couch.

Auora went to sit on the armchair when she felt something hard underneath the cushion. She pulled out a square remote with one red button. "What's this?" She asked. The other two shrugged. She pushed the button and heard a scream in the distance that could only belong to Katie. "Oh yea! That one creepy person gave this to us during Katie's interview." She smiled as she continued to press the button.

After a while of doing this, the girls just kept talking amongst themselves while Tyler sat on the couch awkwardly twirling his thumbs. After about forty minutes of being ignored, he cleared his throat and got their attention.

"Ah crap! I'm sorry Tyler, it's just that you're so forgettable that I forgot you were there."

"No problem, dudette."

"Let's get started with questions from the Cobalt Rose. Do you actually believe Lindsay is smart?

"Well... sometimes, yea."

"Why are you afraid of chickens?

"Well, my grandpa owned a farm, and I used to go there during the summer. Then one summer, a chicken went all crazy and stuff and attacked me! I've been afraid of chickens ever since."

"Touching. What have chickens ever done to you?"

"Uh, attacked me.."

"Have you watched reruns from the show?"

"Yep."

"Do you actually think you're great at sports?"

"I'm pretty good."

"Are you ever going to marry Lindsay?

"We're a little too young to think about that aren't we?"

"Nahh!" Auora pushed the button again causing Katie to scream in the distance. "Okay, so our next questions are from Dontsayfudge. What's the most random thing you've ever seen, heard, worn, kissed, burrito?"

"...This interview?"

"Um, I'm pretty for sure that you can't wear, kiss, or burrito this interview." Sarah said.

"Don't challenge him! So, did that question make you feel uncomfortable?"

"Slightly."

"If a girl or boy asked you out right now, what would you do?"

"Tell them that I had a girlfriend."

"What does defenestrate mean?"

"I don't know."

"Adrianna, it's dictionary time."

"Yipee!" She jumped up excitingly and went over to the shelf containing the all powerful dictionary. "Defenestrate means to throw out of a window... okay then, if you say so, Noah."

"Now that thats settled, why do you think they asked you that?"

"Because this is a very random place."

"Pop quiz, what just went through your head?"

"Cheese."

The room was silent for a moment until Sarah said, "Zomg, me too!"

"Weird... Noah, Izzy, Katie, Gwen. Choose one."

"For what?"

"Just choose, damnitz!" Adrianna shouted.

"Okay, okay, ummm Noah?"

"Okay, now you all are married!"

"What?"

"Why must everyone make me sad?" Adrianna asked.

Noah burst through the door looking frustrated. "Must you idiots force these people onto me?"

"Hi Noah!" Adrianna screamed giddy.

Noah simply rolled his eyes and looked at the camera. "For the millionth time, I am not gay. So you little crazy fangirls need to go away and _shut up!"_ He then slammed the door and left.

"Touchy! Recite the Chowder theme song. NOW!"

"And get up and dance!" Sarah and Adrianna chanted.

Tyler sighed, but stood up and did a goofy dance while singing. "You take the moon and you take the sun. You take everything that seems like fun. You turn em all up and then you're done. RAADA RAADA RAADA! So come on in, feel free to do some looking, Stay awhile cuz somethings always cooking! So come on in, feel free to do some looking, Stay awhile cuz somethings always cooking!  
YEAH!"

"That was mildly entertaining! Now recite it backwards!"

"Haey! Gnikooc syawla sgnihtemos zuc elihwa yats, gnikool emos od ot eerf leef, ni no emoc os. ADAAR ADAAR ADAAR! Enod er'uoy neht dna pu lla me nrut uoy. Nuf ekil smees taht gnihtyreve ekat uoy. Nus eht ekat uoy dna noom eht ekat uoy."

"That was dandy. Do you like Basil Brush? Why?"

A girl walked in wearing a Basil Brush tee shirt and eyed Tyler suspiciously.

"Yea, he's cool."

The girl immediately smiled. "Yay!" She clapped her hands and then exited the trailer.

"How do these people keep finding us?" Adrianna asked.

"I don't know.. but I think we need an electric fence or something."

"Yea, since that will _totally _stop people from getting to an island!" Sarah stuck her tounge out. "Anyways, do you think Dontsayfudge likes Basil Brush?"

"Well, yea, she was wearing a Basil Brush tee shirt."

"Did you like that T-shirt?"

"Sure, I guess."

"Would you like a whole herd of fan girls to jump on you and try to grab your clothes, hair, and limbs?"

"Not particularly."

"Too bad so sad. RELEASE THE FAN GIRLS!" Suddenly ten fangirls were released and launched themselves at Tyler.

"Only ten fangirls? Wow, Tyler, you're wildly unpopular." Sarah laughed.

"Shut up!" Tyler squealed.

"Alright alright, enoughs a nuff. Get outta here you crazy Tyler loving goons." Sarah and Adrianna pushed the girls away from Tyler and kicked them out of the trailer.

"Moving right along with Can'tReadMyOwnFanficName. What would you do if she tied you to a chair and beat you repeatably with a chicken?"

"... A chicken?" He begins trembling in fear.

"Well, that answers that question. Okay, I am going to quote this one exactly. 'If you could have an Olympian parent who would it be and why? Name one other person who would be in your cabin at camp- half blood and if you don't answer this or answer in an incorrect way i WILL find you at a random time and beat you with a chicken.'"

"Umm, Zeus, because he is awesome, and Percy Jackson I suppose."

"Our next questions are from Coldstone288. Why do you suck at sports?"

"I don't suck! I just have a lot of off days."

"Suuure. How does it feel to be dating one of the hottest girls on the show?"

"Pretty good."

"What's up with your chicken phobia?"

"I believe I have explained this already."

"Who would you date if things didn't work out between you and Lindsay?"

"Well, I'm planning on being with Lindsay for a long time, but if I had to date someone else from the show, it would probably be Katie, because she is the most like Lindsay. And Gwen's pretty cool, but she's sort of kind of with Trent."

"Interesting. Who is your favorite camper?"

"Me, duh."

"Modest. I like that. Our next questions come from TdiCrazed. What's your favorite sport?"

"Football, baby!"

"What's your favorite color?"

"Red."

"Do you like it when Lindsay calls you Taylor?"

"Not particularly."

"Our next questions come from Anonymous for a reason. How would you feel if I told you that your journal is being sold on e-bay? Along with the love letters you wrote to Lindsay?"

Tyler laughed nervously. "Real men don't keep journals and write love letters... wait are they being serious?"

"Maybe, maybe not. What's it like being a vegan, and how can you be a vegan if you eat chicken and wear chicken feathers?"

"I'm not a vegan, and I most defiantly do not wear chicken feathers."

"How did you become afraid of chickens?"

"The memory is too traumatizing to repeat."

"You baby, what would you do if I told you a chicken was behind you and he was going to eat you?"

Tyler looked behind him to see Chef wearing an obviously fake chicken mask. Tyler then screamed and ran out of the trailer.

"Why do I gotta be the one dressing' up all the time?" Chef asked crossing his arms.

"Because you look good in everything!" Sarah said.

"And plus we're the boss." Adrianna smiled.

"I hate you kids." He mumbled while leaving the trailer.

"Will someone fetch Chicken boy?" Auora asked frustrated.

"I will." Adrianna jumped up, grabbing the tennis racket on her way out. Within seconds the two were back in the trailer.

"Nice of you to join us, now lets continue. Did you know that PETA is after you?"

"No.. why are they after me?""

"Do you know why PETA is after you?"

"Obviously not."

"Is it true that they are after you because you eat chickens, ate an endangered chicken species, and raided a chicken farm, killing all of those chickens for your chicken feather coat?"

"No because thousands of people eat chickens, there is no endangered chicken species, and I would never kill chickens or wear a chicken feather coat."

"Or so you think. Are you going to write an apology letter to PETA?"

"No, I didn't do anything."

"Well,I would anyway." Auora pointed to the window where there stood a mob of angry hippies, all carrying pitchforks and signs with chickens on them.

"Alright. I'm sorry PETA, it won't happen again." The main PETA member gave Tyler an 'I'm watching you look' before leading her pack off the island.

"Would you do the chicken dance?

"Nope."

"What if I paid you?"

"Nope."

"What is your price?"

"2 bazillion dollars."

"What if I said please?"

"NO!"

"Poo on you. Why do you model bikinis with Lindsay?"

"Who said I did?"

"The internet."

"Well I don't."

"Does she like it?"

"No, we've never done it!"

"How long have you been a bikini model?

"0 years."

"Are you going to have a photo shoot coming out soon?"

"No."

"Did you know I have now convinced Lindsay that you're a bikini model?"

"I'm sure you did."

"What was it like being an intern?"

"Where are you getting these crazy ideas from?"

"How many near death experiences have you had?"

"Alot, but I was never an intern."

"Why did you want to be an intern?"

"I don't nor will I ever."

"Were you born on Friday the thirteenth?"

"... maybe."

"Is that why you're so bad at sports, or is it because you were dropped on your head as a baby?"

"SHUT UP!"

"Do you dress up as a chicken every year for Halloween?"

"Why on Earth would I do that?"

"Is KFC you're favorite fast food restaurant?"

"No."

"I like KFC." Sarah said.

"Is it because it has Kentucky is it?" Adrianna asked.

Sarah grinned. "Yes."

"How much chicken can you eat in under a minutes?"

"None."

"Okay, our next questions are from crazytdifangirl11111000001111. These should be interesting. Are you a good artist?"

"Not really."

"Will you ever get over your chicken phobia?"

"I've been thinking about seeing a therapist actually.."

"Is chicken your nickname?"

"No, oh my gosh, why are you people so obsessed with this?"

"Is it true that when you look up Chicken in the dictionary there's a picture of you there and that is the meaning of your name? And when you look up your name in the dictionary there's a picture of a chicken and the definition of chicken is there?"

"Woot! Dictionary!" Adrianna cheered. She looked up both names and confirmed that Tyler did mean chicken and vice versa.

"Interesting. How much are you going to pay Noah to change the definitions and pictures in the dictionary if he is willing to?"

"Noah wrote the dictionary?"

"Yes he did. How did he get the idea to give your name that definition?"

"Probably because, like everyone else, he is obsessed with my chicken phobia. And I don't see why, Courtney's phobia was so much more lame then mine."

"But is she here? Didn't think so. Did you know that Gina is really mad at you for murdering ALL of Ezekiel's chickens and is going to beat you up today at 4:02 pm?"

"But it's 4:02 right now..."

""

A girl, swinging from a vine, sweeps through the window and kicks Tyler right in the teeth.

"That's what you get!" She then does a strange Indian call and jumps back out the window.

"That was... interesting. You okay Tyler?"

"I'm good, but I think I lost a tooth."

"You'll be fine. Did you sell both Rana Castibas and chickens?"

"No?"

"How much are they?"

"I don't have any.."

"How many pet chickens do you have?"

"None!"

"How often do you walk them?"

"Never!"

"Would you help me walk my chickens?"

"No!"

"Can our chickens date?"

"I don't have chickens!"

"Are your parents really chickens in disguise?"

"I would like to hope not."

"Why do you love Lindsay so much?"

"Because she's beautiful, and sweet, and.."

"Don't you dare say smart." Sarah said.

"I actually didn't plan on it."

"Let's get back to this. Do you love me?"

"Not really."

"Do you take steroids?"

"No, my muscles are all natural."

"Thats obvious. Do you have any siblings?"

"I have a baby sister.

"What is your favorite sport, candy, and exercise tape?"

"Football, Pay Day, and I don't really watch exercise tapes."

"Is it true your favorite songs are "Don't Give Up" by Eagle Eye Cherry, "Don't Stop Believing" by Journey, "Check Yes Juliet" by We the Kings, "Stronger" by Kanye West, "Don't Stop Me Now" by Queen, "We Are the Champions" by Queen, "Real Gone" by Billy Ray Cyrus, "Sweet Victory" from Spongebob, "I'm a Survivor" by Destinys Child, "Beat It" by Michael Jackson, "I'm a Believer" by the Monkeys, and "Cat Came Back" by Doc Watson?"

"... sure."

"How come you have no muscles, or are you just drawn very weird?"

"What do you mean drawn."

"Did I say drawn? Silly me, lets move on. What is your sexual orientation?"

"Straight."

"How straight are you?"

"As straight as you can be."

"How long have you been gay?"

"What? I'm not gay."

"How long have you been Bi?"

"Oh my gosh, you're unbearable."

"Was the transition hard?"

"I hate you."

"What is your name: Tyler, Tyson, Taylor, Tony, Tiles, or Tanya?

"TYLER!"

"Is Richard Simmons your idol?"

"Not really."

"What do you think of the questions you are being asked right now?"

"They're extremely annoying."

"How does it make you feel?"

"Homicidal."

"Would you live in the sports channel if you could?"

"I guess?"

"What would you do for a Klondike bar?"

"Anything, if it got me out of this interview."

"How many more questions do you think you will be asked?"

"Knowing my luck, probably a whole lot."

"And you are correct! And our next set of questions are from a person with three questions. What names do you find attractive?"

"Umm, Lindsay?"

"Who is hotter Heather or Lindsay?"

"Lindsay, duh."

"Who is hotter Beth or Eva?"

"Umm... Beth. Because Eva looks like a man."

"Our next questions come from Jewelz. What is your favorite color?"

"Red."

"When is your birthday?"

"August 13."

"Is Tyler even your real name?"

"Yes."

"What does Tyler mean?"

"Heck if I know."

"Who is your idol?"

"Peyton Manning."

"What is the average day like for Tyler?"

"Well, I wake up, eat, work out, eat, work out, go out with Lindsay, eat, and sleep."

"Dandy. If you were forced to marry someone right this second against your will and cannot divorce this person and the people you are forced to choose from are Tyler, Courtney, Chef, a chicken, an alligator, the bear that mauled Cody, Sasquashinokwa, Eva, Heather, a female wrestler, or Owen, who would you choose?"

"Hmmm... well I would say Courtney, because she is the least weird. Plus, she's kinda hot... but don't tell Duncan I said that!"

"Oh don't worry, we will. What is the one thing you cannot like without?"

"My football."

"What is your I.Q?

"I don't know."

"Do you read your horoscope?"

"No."

"Do you think you would be able to survive if you lived in all the shows on Animal Planet?"

"Probably not."

"Are you willing to follow in the footsteps of Les Stroud Survivorman?"

"Not likely."

"If you were the last person on Earth and the only animals living on the Earth were chickens and chickens had over populated the Earth, what would you do?"

"Probably commit suicide."

"Wow, angsty. Our next questions are from Anne. What is your favorite animal?"

"A tiger."

"Do you have a crush on any famous athletes."

"Not really, because most of them look like Eva..."

"Who is your favorite athlete?"

"Peyton Manning."

"Do you own a lot or socks?"

"I guess?"

"How many socks do you go through in a week?"

"7 pairs."

"How often do you change your socks?"

"Everyday.

"Do you bake banana peels or lick toads?"

"No, both of those sound gross."

"Coffee, Coke, Pepsi, Sierra Mist, Sprite, Vitamin Water, Poweraide, Gatoraide, Monster Energy, Red Bull, Freskca, Tea, Iced Tea, Iced Coffee, Lemonaide, Corona, Budweiser, Bud Light, Heinikin, Wine, Vodka, Champeigne, or Starbucks. Pick one!"

"Poweraide."

"What does the one you pick mean to you? Does this give you power?"

"Umm, it tastes good?"

"Are you healthy or sick?"

"Healthy."

"Are you making any sense right now?

"The better question is, are you?"

"Tell your entire life story all summed up in one 7 word sentence."

"I hate this interview with a passion."

"Is it true that you are cheating on Lindsay with Heather, Beth, Gwen, Eva, Izzy, Justin, Harold, your sister Taylor, and your aunt Benita?"

"That is both sick and messed up."

"Do you think you would be strong enough to take on a bear? Sasquashinokwa?"

"Not really."

"Our next questions are from-"

There was a loud knock on the trailer door.

"Police! Open up!"

"Crap, they found us." Sarah hissed.

"What'd we do?" Adrianna asked.

"Remember the little incident with the brownies a few chapters ago? Yea, not such a smart idea."

"What now?" Auora asked.

"Run!" Sarah yelled.

They ran toward the back of the trailer when Tyler called, "Hey, what about the rest of the interview?"

"We'll finish some other time," Auora said. She grabbed the camera out of the camera man's hands and pushed the girls into a closet just as the police had charged into the trailer.

Sarah grabbed the camera and held it close to her face. The closet was small, so the girls were crammed together in an uncomfortable fashion. "Okay, guys, we're going to have to cut this a little short, but we will be back with more Tyler after the PO PO goes away." The door to the closet opens and the police stand there, grabbing the girls. "Dammit!" Sarah screamed before the camera shut off.

**Sarah: *Glares at Adrianna***

**Adrianna: What?**

**Sarah: If you hadn't been so inpatient, this would have been a lot funnier and less rushed!**

**Adrianna: Ah, it was fine.**

**Sarah: No it wasn't it sucked!**

**Auroa: …. I don't wanna go to jail.**

**Sarah: It's okay, Auora, this will be fixed. Anyways, guys, I'm sorry, the last month of school is a bitch, but it's finally over! Summah vacation is here, and so is more updates. PLEASE do not submit questions for Izzy at the moment, thanks.**

**Happy Writing!**


	9. Taylor? Part Two

**Sarah: Look who's back so soon.**

**Auora: Us! But why?**

**Adrianna: Because of me!**

**Sarah: Yes. You see, Adrianna and I have sort of a fanfiction bet going on. If she updates, then I have to as well. **

**Adrianna: Yes!**

**Sarah: Oh, and before I get started, this story is officially a year old!**

**Adrianna and Auora: Yay! *bring out birthday cake***

**Sarah: So happy birthday Total Drama Interviews! And lets read more about Tyler!**

**x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x **

Tyler had been waiting for about an hour when Chef walked into the trailer and sat in the plush arm chair.

"Uhm, where are the girls?"

"They are having a," he giggled. "little problem."

*At the Police Station*

In an old brick building, there were three young girls in quite the predicament. They were trapped, caged in a cramped little cell. Sarah was on the one metal bed playing a harmonica, Adrianna was moving a cup across the bars, making a horrific racket, and Auora was in a fetal position on the floor, rocking slightly.

A police officer, who looked about fifty, with a full, white beard paced back and forth in front of the cell, reading from a file. "Destruction of property, using of illegal substances, assault, stealing, driving a helicopter under aged and without any sort of license, and traveling to a foreign country without a passport, twice." He closed the folder with a snap and scowled at the girls. "With all these charges against you, you're looking at spending a good thirty to fifty years in jail. What do you have to say for yourselves?"

Sarah stopped playing harmonica and looked at the police officer with her big brown eyes. "Good tv?"

The man pinched the bridge between his eyes in frustration. "Come on, officer dude. We're just teenage girls. We didn't know any better. Can't you see what it's doing to our friend?" Adrianna pointed to Auora who had began whispering to herself.

He sighed heavily. "I'll post bail, but if I see any other violations on that show of yours, then you will come straight here, without a chance of bail, are we clear?"

"Sir, yes, sir." Adrianna and Sarah saluted. The officer rolled his eyes and walked away.

"So, do you think Chris will grow a heart and come bail us out?" Adrianna said sitting next to Sarah.

"Chris? A heart? If that's what you're wishing for, then we're going to be here a while."

"I don't wanna be in jail, I don't wanna be in jail, I don't wanna be in jail.." Auora repeated.

"Think we should help her?"

"I figure we just watch until she finally faints." Auora stopped rocking and slowly fell to the floor, unconscious. Sarah smiled, "See, told you."

"Wait, they're in jail?" Tyler screamed.

"Yea, so I'm going to take over this interview!"

"Oh boy."

"You got a problem with that?"

"No sir."

"Alright, our next set of questions come from Wowzera. What is your favorite vegetable?"

"Carrot.. you know shouldn't we wait.."

"No! Chris said we can't afford to lose anymore airtime! Now, what is your favorite fruit?"

"Orange."

"How old were you when you developed your chicken phobia?"

"About eight."

"Are your parents good at sports?"

"Well, my mom was a cheerleader."

"By the looks of it, you're going to be asked some crazy, insane, and twisted questions. Do you think that after the interview you might end up seeing a psychologist or psychiatrist?"

"Now, I think I might."

"Moving on-" He was interrupted when the door broke down and there stood the three girls, all in superhero stances. "I thought you punks were in jail!"

"Funny thing, we managed to convince Chris that without us, this show would be history. Right Tyler?" Sarah said.

"Uhm, right?"

"See? Now move it, fatman, we have a job to do."

"Who are you calling fatman?"

"You."

"Okay." Chef said as he walked out of the trailer.

"We might want to get an intern to reattach that door." Auroa said, appearing to have gained her sanity back. She took her seat. "Oh, warm. So are we ready to continue? Good. Our next questions are from Bluemoon2021b. What do you do in your spare time?"

"Play sports."

"Why did you sign up for TDI?"

"For the money, plus I didn't have any other plans."

"If you knew what you were going to face would you sign up anyway?"

"Sure, I mean it was torturous, but I wouldn't take it back."

"Do you have any plans for revenge on Chris?"

"Not really."

"What came first: the chicken or the egg?"

"I don't know?"

"What do you think of the videos on youtube that people made about you with what they consider to be your theme song?"

"They're okay I guess.

"Do you agree that those would be your theme songs?"

"Sure."

"If you could choose your own theme song, what would you choose?"

"Eye of the Tiger, I guess."

"Do you think you would have been able to make it to the final 3 if you didn't get voted off sixth?"

"Sure, I mean, I didn't have that many enemies."

"Who was the most annoying person on the island?"

"Heather, definitely."

"Who was the most annoying person on your team?"

"Eva, she's one scary chick."

"I heard that!" Eva screamed.

"Mommy..."

"Anyways, did you make any friends at playa de losers?"

"Yea, DJ is cool, and so is Cody and Ezekiel."

"What was the most embarrassing thing that happened to you there?"

"I once belly flopped into the pool and lost my shorts."

"Ouch. What was the most embarrassing thing that happened to you on the show?"

"Obviously the chicken thing."

"Do you wish you could be in the Olympics?"

"Totally."

"What sport would you play?"

"Any of them, I'm a natural."

"Whatever you say. There are a few rumors being spread about you: you're on crack, the reason why you are bad at sports is because your mother has paper bones, you bathe in sweat to make it look like you work out hard, you love to spy on Chris and you're filming his every move and you sold all his hair gel on e-bay and you were the one who had the clip of Chris in the shower, and you have a secret crush on Eva. Is any of this true?"

"God no! That's so twisted."

"The night you were eliminates, who did you vote off?"

"Courtney."

"That seems to be a very popular answer for that question. Would you kiss Eva for 80 bucks?"

"Never!"

"What is your second greatest fear?"

"Robots."

"Seriously?"

"Don't judge me."

"Okay, okay. Has there been times throughout this whole interview that you have felt violated?"

"Very much so."

"Who did you vote for to win TDA?"

"I didn't get to vote because I wasn't a contestant."

"How did you feel that time when Lindsay was running around Playa de losers asking people if they were you?"

"A little embarrassed, to be honest."

"Is it true that Lindsay thought an orange was you?"

"...who told you about that?"

"The internet. If Lindsay never existed who would you date?"

"I don't know.. someone at my school probably."

"If you were gay what guy on TDI would you find hot?"

"I'm not answering that question."

"How did you find out that I was hired by Chris to secretly film stuff?"

"Wait...wha?"

"Were you spying on our conversation?"

"No! Whose conversation?"

"Would you sign up for a reality show again if given the chance?"

"Probably."

"Moving right along with All4Noah. If you could have any super power what would it be?"

"Super strength."

"What is your favorite element?"

"Wind, I guess."

"What is your favorite movie?"

"We are Marshall."

"Do you plan on writing any books?"

"Not really."

"What type of music do you listen to?"

"All kinds, really."

"What were you in a past life?"

"I don't know. A tree maybe?"

"I think he is the only one to actually try to answer that question." Adrianna said amazed.

"Here ya go, kid. Keep up the good work." Sarah tossed him a rather large lollipop.

"Uhm, thanks?"

"Back to me. Have you ever thought of playing chess, entering a chess tournament, or playing poker?"

"Not really."

"What is your favorite book?"

"I don't really read that much."

"Would you consider acting?"

"Nah."

"Do you study sports?"

"I'm more of a go with the flow kind of guy, so no."

"Have you ever seen someone talk to you about your chicken phobia?"

"Thats what most of this interview has been about."

"If you could live in any show, what would it be?"

"Any sport show."

"What do you see in Lindsay?"

"Well, she's beautiful and... nice."

"Are you on any school sport teams?"

"Only all of them."

"Is it true that you are the water boy for one of the sport teams?"

"I prefer the term, hydration supervisor."

"Oh, and that's so much better. Our next questions are from Raven, and boy should these be interesting. Are you, Tyler, prepared for the questions you are about to receive?"

"Not entirely."

"Are you scared?"

"I am now."

"What toothpaste and mouthwash do you use?"

"Thats it? I use Colgate and Scope."

"What underwear do you wear?"

"Thats a little private, don't you think?"

"Nah. What would you consider a romantic date?"

"I don't know..."

"The chicken has laid the egg, I repeat, the chicken has laid the egg."

"What the..." Tyler's mom runs in and suffocates him in a hug.

"Oh, I've missed you so much sweety cakes!"

"Mom... you're chocking me." She lightened her grip, but just slightly. "Why are you here?"

"I don't know, I just heard the code... well bye!" She skipped out of the room.

"That was...interesting. Why do you use chicken references as codes?"

"I don't!"

"Where do you live? Country, latitude, longitude, address, and town."

"I'm not very comfortable saying that in front of you girls..."

"Wimp. What shampoos and conditioners do you use?"

"Axe, what guy doesn't?"

"Girly men. What was the best vacation you've ever been on? The worst?"

"The best was to the beach. The worst was to this old carnival.. talk about creepy."

"Who was your first love?"

"Lindsay."

"Did YOU steal Chris' hair gel?"

"No."

"Did YOU steal Chris' credit card?"

"No."

"Did you know that Chris bought you something really nice with his credit card?"

"Cool?"

"What kind of guy/girl are you into?"

"Someone pretty, nice, and fun to be with."

"I notice smart wasn't in there. How many questions have you been asked so far through this entire interview up to this question?"

"I don't know?"

"Why aren't you keeping track? It's your job!"

"I'm sorry..."

"Tyler you have failed your job and displeased the gods and you are now fired from your job."

"I'm sorry!"

"I would like to believe that I'm competing against crazytdifangirl11111000001111 for the most crazy and insane questions ever asked. Who's winning?"

"I don't know..."

"What would happen if a chicken was on your head?"

"I would probably scream like a woman."

"Did you know that someone hired a guy in a chicken suit to dance around your bed every morning for 29 minutes right when you wake up?"

"... noooo."

"How did it feel when you rode the boat of losers with the chickens on it?"

"Terrifying."

"Do you feel ashamed that you are afraid of chickens?"

"Nah."

"Are you a virgin?"

"... yes."

"Are you sure?"

"... yea."

"Why do I have this picture of you and Lindsay that say otherwise?"

"W-what? Those must be f-fake."

"Do you think you will make it to TDWT?"

"Yea."

"Now it's time for TDWTFan4. How do you feel to be the most ignored character on the show?"

"Pretty lousy."

"If Lindsay was never on the show, or taken, who would you have gone for?"

"I don't know.. I didn't really get to know any other girl."

"What is your least favorite sport?"

"Volleyball."

"Did you know that you will be on season three?"

"Yes."

"So you know why Courtney sucks?"

"Huh?"

"If you were forced to marry the following against your will, whom would you pick: Ezekiel, Chris, Sierra, Justin, or Izzy?"

"Uhm, Izzy I guess."

"How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?"

"Uhm, 24?"

"Are you a homosexual?"

"No."

"Are you aware that you are awesome?"

"Why yes, yes I am."

"Why are you my tenth favorite character?"

"I don't know."

"Are you aware that Izzy, Justin, Courtney, and Duncan are all watching your every move right now?"

"That's creepy."

"5x+4062=7979. What is X?"

"I don't know!"

"783.4"

"Thank you, Sarah. Are you a sir or a ma'am?"

"Sir."

"Did you know that your name is Relyt backwards?"

"Yea.."

"What would you give me if I showed up at your front door: a peanut butter sandwich, a hug, 2000 dollars, Lindsay, or apple sauce?"

"A restraining order."

"Pick one: Ezekiel, Eva, Heather, or Alejandro."

"Alejandro."

"Does 2+2=Fish?"

"No.."

"What do you wear on a rainy Tuesday?"

"Clothes."

"What is your favorite fanfic; Total Drama Comback, I Was a Teenage Camper, or NINE?"

"I don't read fanfiction."

"Next is MoreSmiles :). Why do you wear that red sports band all the time?"

"It's lucky."

"Who do you think deserved to win TDI?"

"Well, me duh!"

"Why do you wear sweats during the summer?"

"Cuz I like 'em!"

"Does this dress make me look fat?"

"... uhh" Tyler hides behind the couch.

"What're you doing?" Adrianna asked.

"Whenever a woman asks that question you're supposed to hide.

Auora rolled her eyes. "Get back out here, we have an interview to finish!" Tyler came back to the couch looking a little more scared. "Our next set of questions are from Tybee10. Catch!"

"Nothing was thrown at me though.."

"Hmm." Sarah looked around until she say a decent sized picture frame and chucked it at Tyler's head. He ducked just in time.

"What the f-"

"Hush! Does it hurt your feelings that Lindsay can't remember your name?"

"Sometimes."

"Would you rather get attacked by chickens or bears?"

"Both are equally terrifying."

"I'm bored. Amuse me. Sing karaoke! I want to see if you are meant to be on TDWT."

"Ummm, okay? What should I sing?"

"Don't Stop Believing!" Sarah and Adrianna chanted.

Tyler cleared his throat, but before he could even sing a note, Auora held her hand up. "Just stop, before you embarrass yourself. Do you think you're portrayed right on fanfiction?"

"I don't read fanfiction!"

"Who's your best friend on the show?"

"Probably Owen."

"Where do you see yourself in 20 years?"

"Maybe a professional athlete, but who knows."

"Would you rather get beat up by Duncan or Chef?"

"Duncan, because even though he is tough, Chef is terrifying."

"Can you get me Billy's autograph?"

"Sure?"

"Ni hao ma?"

"Adrianna, get Noah's Chinese dictionary." Sarah instructed.

"Aye Aye, captain!" She retrieved it and began reading. "It means how are you."

"Oh, then I'm fine."

"Our next questions are from DuncanCourtney4Ever. How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?"

"The world may never know."

"Why is Anonymous for a reason anonymous?"

"Because they want to be?"

"Do you like the pet name Tiger?"

"Yea."

"What pet name would you give Lindsay?"

"I don't know."

"Do you like the name Lemon for Lindsay?"

"Sure."

"Holy crap, but you and Lindsay together and you have a sourpuss!"

"Wow Sarah.. just wow. Anyways, did you know your name means someone who lays tiles for a living?"

"No I did not."

"Our last set of questions come from Inbalwolf. Hi! I be Inbalwolf."

"Hi, I'm Tyler."

"Did you know that that was a statement and not a question?"

"Yes."

"Are you sane?"

"Yea."

"Are you sure?"

"...yea."

"112 percent?"

"Sure?"

"Have you ever been in trouble with the law?"

"Nope."

"What did you do?"

"I just said I've never been in trouble with the law."

"Didja kill someone?"

"My god, it's like talking to a wall."

"Was it a chicken?"

"No!"

"I don't like chickens either, but I don't fear them, because that's lame. Now how do you feel?"

"Sad."

"Taylor."

"Tyler!"

"Did that annoy you?"

"Slightly."

"Are you dead inside?"

"What kind of a question is that?"

"Did I help you reach that feeling?"

"You did, actually."

"Sing the song from Portal!"

"What's Portal?"

"You are a failure!"

"Oh yea? Well, you're a bad person!"

"Did you enjoy my questions?"

"Not particularly."

"Okay! We're done! You know what that means?"

"That I can take a shower?" Adrianna asked.

"...no. It means it's time for Izzy's interview!"

The girls screamed, "Yay! Izzy countdown in 3...2...1!"

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**Sarah: So there you go Adrianna!**

**Adrianna: Yipee!**

**Sarah: Well, folks, I'm off to 4-H camp, so I'll see you in a few days. Oh, but if you like Code Lyoko, then you should check out Adrianna's fanfiction called 'Two Worlds Collide'. It's amazing!**

**Adrianna: D'awww.**

**Auora: Yea yea, we all love each other, it's great, can we go now?**

**Sarah: Sure! Submit questions for Izzy! It should be the most interesting interview. Until next time!**

**Happy Writing!**


	10. Izzy: Diary of a Vietnamese Psychopath

**Sarah: So sorry for the long wait, guys, but Merry late Christmas!**

**Adrianna: And Happy late New Years**

**Auora: And a Happy even later Hanukkah!**

**Sarah: Just so you know, my spell check went crazy because of all the random languages thrown around in this interview :P And I've decided that my New Years resolution is to come to a combined total of 1000 reviews for all my stories, so review! And, of course, enjoy!**

**x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x**

Splash!

Sarah stood up, spitting raw liquid out of her mouth. The place she was in was dark and damp. Water splashes against her waist and her hair was dripping and plastered to her face.

"Adrianna! Auora!" Her voice echoed off the walls like a cave.

"Present." Adrianna's voice coming from behind her.

"Where the HELL are we?" Auroa splashed violently.

"Hold up, I'll give us some light." A sudden soft glow filled the space. The girls were underground in a sewer. Adrianna stood soaking, holding up an oil lantern.

"Wh-Why do you have an oil lantern?" Sarah asked.

She shrugged, "Why don't you?"

"I really don't think that's the most important question here. How. The. HELL. Did we get into a sewer?" Auora screamed.

"I'm swimming in poo!" Adrianna waled.

"I remember counting down to Izzy's interview, and then... poof." Sarah said.

"Look on the bright side!" Adrianna chirped.

"Which is?" Aurora glared.

"We might run into a Ninja Turtle!"

"Sarah... I'm going to kill her."

Another light suddenly filled the sewer from above. "Hey, tards! Get your butts up here! We have an interview to record!" Chris' big head blocked out part of the sunlight. He threw down a stringy rope ladder and stalked off.

"Oh look, rescued by our night in shining armor." Sarah mumbled.

The girls got to the surface as quickly as they could. The bright sunlight blinded them. "Jeez, how long were we down there?"

"Three hours, give or take a day." Chris smiled.

"And you just left us in there to die?" Auora seethed.

"Yup, pretty much. So, you ready for the interview?"

"Can we at least take a shower?" Adrianna asked.

"Nah.. timed schedule, sweetheart. Now hop to it!"

"Welp, at least it's Izzy. Odds are she looks just as bad as we do, maybe even worse." Sarah said. They opened the door to the trailer to find it bare. "Or she could just, you know, not be here."

"Bagadee Bagadee Boo!" Izzy's torso appeared in front of the girls as she hung from the ceiling.

"Or she's probably on the ceiling." Auora murmured.

"Welcome Izzy!" Adrianna screamed and hugged the red head.

"Thank you my poop smelling friend!" Izzy hugged back. "Should we start the interrogation?"

"Uhm, actually, it's just an interview." Sarah interjected.

"Eh, tomato, potato. Let's start!"

Sarah sat down in the large, plush chair. "Alrighty, here we go. Our first questions are from Harlie Davidson. Do you really hate Justin?"

"Hate is such a strong word. Would I like to run him over with a large military tank? Yes."

"Did you know you are Harlie Davidson's favorite female contestant?"

"Of course I did. Chris is her favorite male character."

"Well, that's just creepy. Oranges or Bananas?"

"Pineapples."

"Red or blue?"

"Orange"

"How long can you hold your breath?"

"Seven minutes and forty-nine point two seconds."

"Is Izzy your full first name? Or is it short for Isabelle or Isabella?"

"I cannot give away my secret identity! That would be suicide!"

"Do you believe Noah is in denial about being gay and should just get with Cody already?"

"Sure."

Auroa whispered to Sarah, "She will be a lot harder to torture."

"We'll think of something!" She turned her attention back to Izzy, "Now let's hear from Tybee10. Huevos frencheros amigas?"

"Konichuwa!"

"Ni de shengri shi ji yue ji hao?"

"Bonjour!"

"If you could be any mythical creature or monster what would you be?"

"A satyr."

"Why in the world would you want to be a satyr?" Adrianna asked.

"Hello! Goat people are amazing!"

"When did you first get your license to kill?"

"October 7, 2001."

"But that would mean you were 7?"

"You're point?"

"Touche. Are they still after you?"

"By 'they' do you mean ever law enforcement agency in North America? In that case... yep."

"Hows Owen?"

"Fat."

"Okay? Did you know in a TDWT episode he is flirting with an older woman?"

"But it's all good. I broke her spine."

"Harsh?" Adrianna's eyes bulged.

"Nah."

"Tybee10 thinks you should get your license to kill renewed."

"That's an excellent idea! I'll do that now."

"Izzy!" the girls screamed before she could leave.

"...yes?"

"We have to finish this interview.." Auora said calmly.

"Oh right, my bad. Continue?"

"Are any of the contestants afraid of you?"

"Only all of them."

"Who are you friends with on the show?"

"Everyone!"

"So they're all your friends but they're all afraid of you? Alrighty then. Where were you when you were hiding from the RCMP?"

"A magician never reveals her secrets."

"Is it true Billy is in therapy because of you?"

"Who's Billy?"

"The intern?"

"Ah, right. Who cares about them?"

"Exactly. Could you torture Chef?"

"Say please."

"Uhm, please?"

"Okay!" Izzy ran out the trailer and was back merely seconds later.

"What happened?"

"I tied him to the top of Chris' car naked."

"That fast!" The girls awed.

"I have much to teach you, young padiwans."

"Are you planning on pranking Chris?"

"In time."

"Which interviewer is more insane?"

"Ryan Seacrest."

"Fair enough. Are you more insane than them all?"

"I'm not insane. I prefer the term overly capacitate brain."

"The next reviewer is HaroldFTW. Why are the RCMP after you?"

"If I told you, I'd have to kill you."

"Pick one to marry: Ezekiel, Justin, Heather, Gwen, or me."

"Hmm, Ezekiel. We'd have cute, togue wearing babies."

"Gross, why are you so awesome?"

"Good jeans."

"Don't you mean genes?" Auora asked.

"Why would I say that? That's just stupid."

"Would you consider dating HaroldFTW?"

"If you aren't ugly."

"I dare you to make out with Auora."

"Who the heck is Auora?"

"Uhmm..." Auora thought quietly. "That squirrel!" she pointed to the window.

"Oh.. okay!" Izzy returned with the squirrel and..

***BEEP***

**The following portion of this interview has been deemed inappropriate for all viewers with a beating heart. Please enjoy this picture of a lemur until we resolve the complication. **

*******BEEP*******

"That was..." Sarah's comment hung in the air.

"Disturbing?"

"Illegal?"

"Fun!"

"I think I'm going to read questions now.. Are you a virgin?"

"Not anymore.." Auora muttered.

"Okay, I'm skipping that one. Why are you dating Tyler, Alejandro, Beth, and Owen at the same time?"

"I'm not?"

"What would you do for a Klondike bar?"

"Pretty much anything."

"Here." Auora tossed her a Klondike bar. "I think you've done enough."

"Yay!"

"Why does Harold suck?"

"He does? That's awkward.."

"What is your favorite fanfic?"

"This one of course!"

"Yay! When is your birthday?"

"October 7."

"So you got your license to kill on your birthday? That's neat. Will you marry Ezekiel?"

"Nah."

"Which would you marry: Leshawna, me, Harold, Justin, Sarah, the bear, bunny, Sierra, or Katie?"

"Uhm.. bunny. Bunnies are cute."

"Is it true you are a lesbo?"

"Nope."

"Where do you live?"

"Can't tell you. _They _are watching."

"Our next questions are from MoreSmiles. What do you see in Owen?"

"A heart, some lungs, a spleen.."

"I don't think that question was supposed to be literal. Am I stalking you?"

"Who isn't?"

"Pie?"

"Yes, please."

"Are you dead yet?"

"Nope, although I was once before."

"Are you Tyler in disguise?"

"Maybe, or is Tyler me in disguise?"

"Where do you live?"

"Your mom."

"Mature. Are you aware that Courtney is awful, mean, a horrible character, and annoying?"

"Eh, not horrible, exactly."

"I think they expected me to go on a rampage because of that." Sarah shrugged. "Oh well. Am I hiding behind the couch?"

Izzy looks behind the couch. "Not this one."

"The next reviewer is Can'tReadMyOwnFanficName. Can I beat you with a chicken?"

"Not if I can't beat you back."

"How about Tuesday?"

"Nahh, my schedule is packed."

"WordWarrior192 asks, are you a supporter of Noah and Cody?"

"I like them both, sure.

"Will you help me prove that said couple exists?"

"Sure! I need something to do on Tuesday!"

"Did you know that I already have a boat load of proof and I will share it with you if you give me a live crab?"

"BRB!" Izzy rushed out and came back with a net full of crabs.

"How in the world did you manage to fish that fast?" Auora asked.

"I didn't, ya silly goose. I stole these from a deep sea fisherman."

Adrianna gasped, "Jingles?"

"Yupp."

"I love Jingles." Adrianna frowned. "People shouldn't be mean to Jingles."

"Since when do you know a fisherman named Jingles?" Sarah raised an eyebrow.

"Don't judge us!" Adrianna ran out crying.

"Huh. That was completely interesting. Will you eat four packs of fundip and three large pixy sticks specifically to see what would happen?"

"Already done it. Nothing much happens. Although I didn't regain feeling in my left leg until six hours later."

"Are you part of the red headed crazy club?"

"President and CEO, thank you very much."

"Did you know you are a queen?"

"Of course."

"Why are you going out with Owen?"

"Why aren't you?"

"Is it true that you are mentally sane, but choose to be crazy because it's faldoolely fun?"

"The world may never know."

"Do you believe in Graffes?"

"Graffes?"

"I think they meant giraffes.. Moving on. Did you know that they don't exist? Huh, maybe they didn't mean giraffes.. Have you played the reaction game? It's when you do random stuff to see how others react."

"That's how I live, baby!"

"Banana bread is the square root of what?"

"Oklahoma."

"Why are there so many loony toons but so little sane people?"

"Natural fertility?"

"That was actually an answer on my AP history exam."

"Nerd." Auora coughed, earning her a smack in the head from Sarah.

"Anyways! Cannonball blue bikini sand cwawa?"

"Locomotor string of a Lincoln avocado."

"Oh lord, here we go. Crazytdifangirl11111000001111 has some questions. What is your favorite color?"

"Green!"

"Did you know that I am your daughter in the future?"

Izzy gasped. "This is like Star Wars, but completely backwards!"

"Why didn't you approve of my marriage with Justin?"

"Because he's a fagot."

"What woul-" There was a loud knocking on the door. "What!"

Noah walked in, carrying an inconsolable Adrianna. "She. Will. Not. Stop. Crying! Make it stop, please!"

Sarah walked over to Noah and starred down at her friend. Using one figure, she softly poked her in the side, sending her into a fit of giggles. "Sarah, stop! You know I'm ticklish! Oh, hi Noah!" He immediately tossed her on the ground and left. "He held me! Everyone saw it, right? I'm not imagining it. He really held me!"

"Alright love bird, get back over here." Auora patted the spot of carpet next to her.

"Okay, let's continue. What would happen if I said Justin was my father?"

"I would cry."

"Just kidding, it's Owen."

"Dear lord, you must be a messed up child, coming from that gene pool." Auora commented.

"Is it true that when you marry Owen you have 90 kids and live in the woods, or do you have one kid and live in the jungle?"

"Uhm, how about 50 and the dessert?"

"What is blankerjaberwasick?"

"A large pole used for cleaning the roof of a cat's mouth."

"That's odd. Who is crazier: you, me, or Raven?"

"Raven? Like on Teen Titans! That chick is messed up!"

"I guess that's as close to an answer as we're going to get. Are your favorite songs really Red Neck Woman, Shawty Get Loose, Crazy, Lust for Life, Super Freak, Young, Dirty Harry, and Real Wild Child?"

"Yup."

"What was it like when you were dating Justin?"

"Dark and cold."

"Charming. Did you know that Justin and Owen made out five times in the first season?"

"Duh! I have it all on tape!"

"Do you have any siblings?"

"I have a pet iguana."

"What is your sexual orientation?"

"Vietnamese."

"Is it true that you are bi?"

"I just said Vietnamese. Don't cha listen?"

"What would you do if you found out that I accidentally gave Owen to a tribe of cannibals in the jungles of Africa?"

Izzy snickered.

"Okay then? Were you a cannibal in a past life?"

"No, but I was a dinosaur and a tree. And a republican."

"Did you know that you are my idol?"

"Yes indeed."

"Are you going to kill me cause I gave Owen to the cannibals?"

"I could never kill you, you're my daughter!"

"Is it true that you caught all 150 Pokemon?"

"Twice."

"Did my questions make you go crazy?"

"No more than I already was."

"How many more questions do you think you'll be asked?"

"A bazillion and five."

"Now let's here from Annoymus for a reason. How would you feel if I told you that your journal is being sold on ebay?"

"I'd say that you owe me 50% of the profit!"

"What is it like being a vegan?"

"Is that a type of car or something?"

"How can you be a vegan if you eat the souls of undead fish?"

"Vegans eat fish? I thought they just ate motor oil."

"Is PETA after you too?"

"Honey, it's safe to say everyone is after me."

"Are Tyler and Owen your partners in crime?"

"Only on Thursdays."

"Can I help you out with your plans as well?"

"The more the eviler!"

"Is it true that the RCMP is after you because you blew up a government headquarters?"

"Innocent until proven guilty."

"Did you set all the animals in the zoo free while escaping on an ostrich?"

"Who told you about that? Damn zebras."

"Why does the spirit of your Great Auntie Maybel stalk me in the shower?"

"She was always a perv." Izzy sighed fondly.

"Did you really date Justin?"

"Don't judge me!"

"What was it like being an intern?"

"Interns aren't people! I am people! Therefor me no intern!"

"Okay, cave woman. Friggle slapt itsaba tiggea ligguu boo?"

"Iggibaka lamen dooslobberinkle."

"Frexci!"

"Junubabala."

"You know, it's really hard to read all these questions when people don't speak English." Sarah tsked. "Is it true that you are enemies with Courtney's lawyer and accused him for crimes you committed?"

"He's not a good dude!"

"Do you know why I'm annoymus?"

"Of course."

"Am I your best friend?"

"Sure!"

"Did you summon the doctors and the PETA people in the previous chapters?"

"Shhhh."

"Can you teach me to summon spirits from the undead?"

"Sure, I teach a class at the community center on Mondays."

"What did Katie's bikini taste like when you ate it?"

"Zucchini, oddly enough."

"Who will crash this interview next?"

"I don't know! Someone exciting!"

"Our finally reviewer is Raven. Dear lord. What toothpaste, mouthwash, and shampoo do you use?"

"Whatever is laying around."

"Is it true that you dye your hair red to keep the RCMP off your trail?"

"Nope, natural ginger."

"When are you going to confess that you are in love with Chef and marry him?"

"Never!"

"Is he still tied up naked?" Auora asked.

"Yes."

"It is not a pretty sight." Adrianna cringed.

"What about for Justin, Owen, Sadie, Katie, Sierra, Heather, Cody, Blaineley, and Chris?"

"Nope."

"Did you know that you are also competing against these people for Chef's heart?"

"Like a reality show? Fun!"

"What was the best and worst vacation you have ever had?"

"Sacramento... and Sacramento."

"What is it like living with a family of beavers?"

"Super fun."

"Did you know that you inspire me to blow up things and yell at helicopters?"

"Awww, how sweet."

"Did you steal Chris' hair gel and credit card?"

"Which ones? I steal a lot of things, ya need to be more specific."

"Rjrio 4io4 meep more callibaa shiouoen?"

"Jukillamamore keepano."

"What language was I speaking?"

"New Jersey?"

"How do you feel about Owen and Blaineley?"

"Hungry."

"Did you know that Blaineley is in love with Owen and wants to marry him?"

"That's weird. Isn't she, like, forty?"

"What would you consider a romantic date?"

"Anything with frog legs. Nom."

"Did you know that Alejandro likes to look through your things and dresses up as you?"

"Who doesn't like to do that?"

"Can you hack into the government system and track people down?"

"Blindfolded with one hand behind my back."

"If you know how, can you please find out where Tyler, Alejandro, Justin, Sierra, Cody, Noah, Geoff, Harold, DJ, Duncan, Trent, Chef and Chris live for me?"

"Do you want it on a spread sheet? Because I just so happen to carry them with me wherever I go."

"Did you dress up as a spider for Halloween when you were a baby?"

"Not just for Halloween, everyday, baby."

"Who's crazier? Crazytdifangirl11111000001111 or myself?"

"Oh, you're the Raven they were talking about. Well, I must say that the craziest is-"

"Oh shucky darns, we're out of time." Sarah popped up. "How shall we close the chapter, girls?"

"Like pirates!" Izzy yelled.

"Fantastic!" Sarah cleared her throat. "Argh, ye mateys. That be all for this here interview with the landlubber, Izzy. Submit your scrawlins for Cody's sit down. Thank ye for tunning in to.."

The four girls screamed, "Total. Drama. Interviews. Argh!"

Izzy covered her nose, "Pew, you guys stink."

**ReadandReview:)**

**Happy Writing!**


	11. Cody is Totally Gay

**Sarah: Holy crap.**

**Auora: You're in trouble.**

**Adrianna: Yeah, where the hell have you been?**

**Sarah: I am sooooo uber mega sorry! I've had to study for my AP Exams, Physics, and permit test. Plus, my family has been though a lot the past couple of months: both of my brothers graduated, my grandfather passed away, and our house got broken into. It's just been hard to find the time to write.**

**Auroa: Well, we understand.**

**Adrianna: But what you lack in punctuality you better make up in craziness.**

**Sarah: And try I shall! Please read and review!**

**Adrianna: For the children!**

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"Adrianna, get down from there!" Auroa shouted, trying her hardest to shield her eyes from the burning sun.

"No! I must fly away from here."

Sarah sighed, "Honey, you can't fly, especially not on that thing."

The afternoon was hot and humid. The peak of summer had arrived and, along with it, the exhausting heat. Atop the tin roof of the girls' cabin, stood Adrianna, proud as ever, straddling one of Chef's brooms. She wore a flowing black robe, and she had covered her face in green paint. "I can do whatever I want! I'm a witch!"

Auora smacked her forehead, "For the last time, you are not a flipping witch!"

"Am so, Izzy told me!"

"Didn't she also say you looked like a monkey-man?" Sarah asked, taking refuge under a tree.

Adrianna nodded, "That's why I shaved my legs, see?" She lifted one of her legs up overhead, causing her to lose her balance. She wobbled for a moment before falling towards the ground. Acting out of pure impulse, Auora quickly jumped forward. Adrianna landed gracefully in her outstretched arms. Hugging her neck, she exclaimed, "My hero!"

Auora quickly dropped her, wiping off her jeans, "Just don't kiss me, you baboon."

"But I'm a pretty baboon. Right, Sarah?"

"Of course darling." She had her hands interlocked behind her head and was slowly drifting off to sleep.Just as she thought she might be able to catch some shut-eye, a loud horn rang throughout the campsite. She jumped up in panic and almost immediately tripped on a tree root and fell on her face.

Chris walked up to the three, arms crossed and a hideous scowl on his face. "What do you want?" Auora asked, helping her friend out of the dirt.

"Do you know how long this story has been uploaded?" he growled.

"Uhm.. a few weeks?" Adrianna shrugged.

"Two years! And you've only interviewed seven people!"

"Your point?" Sarah asked, combing dirt from her hair.

Chris face-palmed, "The point is that you girls are wasting time. Now, Cody is waiting in the trailer. Get in there and interview him so we can hurry and get you off this island!" With that, he stormed away.

Auora whistled, "Someone woke up on the wrong side of the tanning bed this morning."

Sarah shrugged, "Oh well, might as well get it over with."

The girls walked in to see Cody smiling flirtatiously from the chair, each giving their own signs of disapproval. Adrianna sat down and glared at the scrawny lad. "I don't want to interview you, so I'll make this as quick and painful as I can."

"Okay. Wait... did you say painfu-."

"Our first question is from Alexander the Phoenix. If you were female, how would you react?"

"Terrified, I guess."

"Here comes some questions from Randomnessgirl1. Did you enjoy your kiss from Noah?"

"It wasn't a kiss! We were both asleep, it doesn't count!"

"Denial is not just a river in Nebraska."

"You mean Africa. Nebraska's a state." Auora said.

Sarah scoffed, "Don't be stupid, Auora."

"Anyways, do you like Sierra?"

"As a friend, she's pretty cool."

"Are you stalking Gwen?"

"Not stalking. I prefer the term 'watching over'."

"Whatever. Do you hate Jack?"

"Who's Jack?"

"Do you know Jack?"

"No. Should I know Jack?"

"Jack knows you, he loves you."

"That's odd."

"Does that scare you?"

"Slightly."

"Do you want to kill me or Heather?"

"Neither? I don't want to kill anybody."

"Do you wish to seek revenge on Chris?"

"I think I'll leave that to the more violent and muscular campers."

"Paper or plastic?"

"Is that relevant?"

"Everything is relevant." Sarah yelled from the kitchen.

"Okay then. I guess plastic."

"Hey, who wants ice cream?"

"I do!" the other three screamed.

"None for you, skinny." Sarah pointed her large spoon threateningly at the boy. Cody hung his head.

"Moving right along. Red or blue?"

"Blue."

"Are you gay?"

"What? No!"

"Do you support gay marriage?"

"I don't know, I guess so."

"Are you being creeped out?"

"Only slightly."

Sarah returned to the room carrying three bowls. She handed out the treats and look a seat next to Auora on the floor.

"I always knew you were good for something." Auora smiled as she enjoyed her ice cream

"Do you think I look pretty?"

"Well, right now you just look like a cue card, but sure."

"Are you a talented artist?"

"Well, some may not know this, but I am quite the pianist."

The three girls busted into laughter. "He said pianist!" Adrianna exclaimed, holding her stomach. Cody looked on confusedly and just shook his head. After several minutes, the girls wiped their eyes and the interview commenced.

"Who would you marry: Gwen, Sierra, Courtney, or Noah?"

"Definitely Gwen. She's amazing."

"Blah blah blah. Do you think Bridgette is a good singer?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Do you think Alejandro is hot?"

"I can see why some girls would find him attractive, but I don't personally think he's hot."

"Your answers suck. Who is hotter: Alejandro or Justin?"

"Neither?"

"Do you think I should stop asking questions?"

"If you want."

"There's a note! For you three wonderful, crazy interviewers, I give Sarah a life-sized ninja turtles doll, for Aurora a Justin voodoo doll, and Adrianna...Noah tied up!" The girls looked up, half expecting their presents to fall from the sky to no avail. Adrianna looked down, "No Noah."

A knock came from the door, but before any of the girls could answer, Chris jumped in. "Hey, a package just came for you girls. It's by the Mess Hall."

"Yay!" the three amigos jumped up to run out the door.

"Eh eh. No! Finish the interview first!"

"But-"Adrianna began but Chris hurriedly slammed the door. An audible click indicated that he had locked it. "What a butt." she commented, returning to her chair. "These next set of questions come from Violet Killer. How does it feel to be paired up with Noah in Fanfictions most of the time?"

"Whats fanfiction?"

"Insolent fool. You totally blew it with Gwen...how does that feel?"

"I don't think I _totally _blew it."

"Do you hate Trent?"

"Nah, Trent's a pretty cool guy."

"Are you Jewish?"

"What? No, who gave you that idea?"

"How does it feel to get mauled by a bear, when you could have just clapped your hands, like most forest rangers do?"

"... I don't understand you."

"That seems to be a common theme with these things. Anyways, here's a few words from WordWarrior192. See what I did there? Anyways, when did you first realize you loved Noah?"

"For the millionth time, I do no love Noah!"

"How was your first date with Noah?"

"We've never had a first date!"

"Aw, sad day. If you don't admit right now that you're in love with Noah I will come and hunt you down like Izzy taught me!"

"I. Don't. Love. Him."

"Is there any cool looking scars from that bear attack?"

"I do have one that kind of looks like John Stamos on my back."

"No way! Show us now!" Auora shouted excitingly.

Cody rose and removed his shirt, turning his back towards them. The girls crowded closer, peering at the pale flesh. "Hey, it's Uncle Jesse!" Sarah exclaimed, earning sounds of approval from the other girls.

"Can I put my shirt back on now?"

"Hold up," Sarah reached into her pocket and retrieved her phone, "This is going on Facebook."

Several photo-ops later and the girls finally settled down and let Cody slip his shirt back on.

"Now that we're done posing with John Stamos and Cody's oddly shaped nipples, let's continue on. Do you have athletes foot?"

"I don't think so."

"Now let's hear from I'mnotcrazy.I'minsane. Why must you insist on wanting to date Noah?"

"I do not like Noah!"

"Did you convert your sexual orientation for Noah?"

"I refuse to answer any more Noah related questions."

"Gwen is way out of your league, Noah is mine, so how 'bout you date Sierra?" Adrianna scoffed. "This woman is delusional. Noah is obviously mine."

"Sierra and I are just friends, despite what she may think."

"Now let's get the party started with some questions from Crazytdifangirl11111000001111. What is your favorite color?"

"Blue."

"Do you think I'm crazy?"

"Uhm, no?"

"So how are you and Noah doing?"

"I hate everything."

"Oh don't act innocent! She knows what goes on between you two. How far along are you guys?"

"Far along? We're not pregnant!"

"Yet." Auora muttered.

"Who do you love more: Sierra, Noah, Ruby (the camel), or Genevieve?"

"Who is Genevieve?"

"I will ask the questions, thank you! How many times do you sleep facing west?"

"Uhm, I don't know. What kind of question is that?"

"Is it true that your favorite songs are Pretty Fly for a White Guy by Offspring, Crazy for this Girl by Nine Days, Get Back Up by Toby Mac, Do You Know by Enrique Iglesias, and Breakeven by the Script?"

"Sure, those songs are cool."

"What is your sexual orientation?"

"Straight as a freakin' flagpole."

"That bends in the wind!" Sarah exclaimed.

"That's it, I'm leaving."

"You can't, Chris locked the door. Now shut up and take the questions like a flamboyantly gay man! Is Sierra a cover 'cause you're really gay and you love Noah with a passion?"

"Maybe you are crazy."

"Sierra told me that when you brush your teeth the toothbrush hits your tongue approximately 5 times lightly. Is that true?"

He sighed, "It probably is."

"Would it be a shock if you found out that I'm related to Sierra in this lifetime and Izzy in the next?"

"Not at all."

"How many guys have you dated in your lifetime or is it just Noah?"

"Zero including him!"

"Sierra said that you still sleep with a teddy bear, what's his name?"

"I don't have a teddy bear!" He crossed his arms, shifting uncomfortably. "But if I did, his name would probably be Wilfred."

"Thats charming. How do you feel about a Cody and Beth romance?"

"I mean, Beth is a nice girl, but I don't think I could see us dating."

"Do you like Beth?"

"I think I just answered that."

"Did you know that she got Brady to make you jealous?"

"Wait, Brady's real?"

"Supposedly. Beth or Gwen? Gwen or Beth? Noah or Beth?"

"Gwen. Gwen. Gwen."

"But Gwen wasn't even an option in the last one."

"You know what, I don't even care."

"Alright, Mr. Snippy. What is your favorite electronic?"

"Definitely my iPod."

"What was the scariest moment in your life?"

"Being mauled by a bear."

"Is your second greatest fear garbage?"

"Why would I fear garbage?"

"Because it's stinky."

"She has a point." Auora commented.

"When's the wedding?"

"...what?"

"Do you have any siblings?"

"A baby sister. She's eighteen months old."

"Do you have any other big obsessive fans or is it only Sierra?"

"I do have a lot of fangirls chase me down the street."

"The streets of his imagination." Sarah whispered to Auora.

"Have you counted all your stalkers?"

"No."

"Did my questions drive you crazy?"

"Slightly, yes."

"How many more questions do you think you will be asked?"

"Hopefully only a few more."

"Has this experience helped you in anyway?"

"None once so ever."

"Okay, time for Annonymus for a Reason. Did you know that your Journal is being sold on e-bay along with all the love letters and that life sized picture of Gwen that you once had on your closet door?"

Cody paled and looked uncomfortable. "That's impossible. I don't have any of those things."

"Whatever. Did you know that Sierra was the one who bought your Journal and she ended up paying $3,000 for it?"

"That's intense. You know, if I had a journal."

"How come on page 100 there are 100 hearts next to Gwen's name?"

"I have no journal!"

"What's it like being a Vegan?"

"Where do these people get their facts?

"What was it like being an intern?"

"I was never an intern!"

"How many near death experiences have you had?"

"Too many."

"Do you support NoCo?"

"Never!"

"Does your mom still cut your hair?"

"Why does that matter?"

"Are you President of the AV club at your school?"

"Why yes, yes I am."

"Do you know why I'm anonymous?"

"Not really."

"Are you aware that the reason I'm anonymous is because I'm really Sierra?"

"Oh dear god."

"You know I just lied right?"

"Thank god."

"Now let's hear from out long lost friend Jewelz. When is your birthday?"

"February 8."

"Is Cody even your real name?"

"Yes?"

"What does Cody mean?"

"I don't know."

"Who is your idol?"

"Jack Black, that man is smooth."

"What is the average day like for Cody? Oh wait, don't care, next question. What is Noah's average day like or have you two not gotten around to the 'exchanging lives thing'?"

"I hate NoCo fans!"

"MARRIAGE TIME! If you were forced to marry someone right this second against your will and you cannot divorce this person and the people you are forced to choose from are the following: Cody, Noah, Chef (if he was a girl), the bear that mauled you, Owen, Justin, Eva, Lady GaGa, Heather, Ezekiel, Patrick(from spongebob), or Alejandro?"

"I guess Heather, since she is one of the only girls in that list. Plus, she's totally hot."

"What is the one thing you can't live without?"

"My iPod."

"What is your I.Q.?"

"I don't know."

"Do you read your horoscope and what did it say for today?"

"Yes and it said I would come across a bump in my path."

"Well the stars are useful for something. Does your astrological sign say that you are compatible with Noah, Sierra, or Gwen?"

"Shut. Up."

"Quick! Bananas or Oranges?"

"Bananas."

"See! He is gay!" Sarah shouted.

"I loathe you." Cody glared.

"Okay, everyone except for you, Sierra, and Chris have disappeared and it is every man for themselves. You were given three options in order to survive: eat Sierra, live with a heard of Elephants, or be on the remainder of Total Drama even though everyone else is gone. Which option would you pick?"

"Be on Total Drama. If everyone is gone, I'm an automatic winner."

"Now, let's hear from NoCo luver."

"Oh dear God."

"Did you know that I'm a BIG OMEGA SUPERFAN of you AND Noah?"

"Yes, I gathered."

"Do you like where this is going?"

"Not at all."

"Are you going to get jealous when you find out that Noah and Katie might date?"

"Not even a little."

"Does Noah ever get jealous about your marriage with Sierra?"

"I'm not married to Sierra and neither me nor Noah are gay!"

"Do you still like where this is going?"

"No!"

"Why did you let her marry you if you don't even like her?"

"We're not married!"

"Are you having a hard time choosing between her and you know who?"

"I hate this interview."

"How would you feel if I wrapped up Noah and gave him to Adrianna?"

"Overrun with joy."

"I would be as well! What are your thoughts on this topic?"

"I hate it."

"How come you're not making any sense right now?"

"I'm not making sense? You're the one who refuses to accept my sexuality."

"Are you disappointed that Noah is not sitting next to you during this interview?"

Cody sighed.

"Has the love square between You, Noah, Gwen, and Sierra effected you dramatically?"

"There is no love square! There never had been nor will there ever be."

"Well the best thing to do is to tell Noah how you feel, you know that right?"

"That I hate him?"

"Who is your true love: Noah or Sierra?"

"Neither!"

"Have you ever gotten intimate with Noah?"

"No!"

"Are you confused right now?"

"About my sexual orientation: no. About my sanity: yes."

"Are you sad that this is my last question ever and the last question was the last informative and legit question I am giving you besides this one?"

"Not in the least. Thank God that's over."

"I would hold that thought, because we're rounding up this rodeo with some questions from Raven. What toothpaste do you use?"

"Aquafresh."

"Mouthwash?"

"I don't use mouthwash."

"What underwear do you wear?"

"Isn't that a little personal?"

"Shut up. Where do you live?"

"Canada."

"Thank you, Captain Obvious. Did you know that Raven loves you?"

"How sweet."

"Gwen, Sierra, Beth, Noah, Alejandro, Justin, or Raven?"

"Gwen, definitely."

"WRONG! The correct answer was Sierra, Beth, Me, Noah, plus Owen and John Felipe!"

"Shew, I was just starting to like this girl."

"Do you even know who John Felipe is?"

"No."

"WHY? YOU SHOULD KNOW WHO HE IS! JOHN FELIPE IS YOUR BIGGEST FAN AND HE WANTS TO MAKE YOU A DRESS!" Adrianna giggled, "I screamed because it's in all caps."

"Thats just strange. I do not want a dress from this Felipe fellow."

"I do!" Sarah and Auora shouted.

"Why is someone paying her to go into government files and legally change your first name to Codina?"

"Wait, who's doing what now?"

"Should she do it?"

"No! My name is and forever will be Cody."

"What was the best vacation you ever had?"

"I guess going to that techno concert with my buddy Creg."

"The worst?"

"Camp."

"Who was your first love?"

"Gwen," he sighed dreamily.

"What kinda guy/girl are you into?"

"Anything with a pulse." Auora muttered.

"Hey! I do have standards, you know." Cody defended.

"Sure you do. What would you consider a romantic date?"

"Candlelight dinner, romantic movie, and a hot make-out session."

Adrianna scoffed. "Pig. How did it feel when you and Noah kissed?"

"We. Did. Not. Kiss."

"Did YOU steal Chris's hair gel?"

"What? No, of course not."

"Did YOU steal Chris's credit card?"

"Where do these people get these questions from?

"Did you know Heather has a crush on you?"

"Really?" Cody blushed and punched the air. "The Code-Meister is the man."

"Did you think that in World Tour you actually developed some sorta bond between you and heather as friends?"

"Eh, not really. It was all apart of the game."

"Do you agree with Sierra that your bottom was the best view in New York City?"

"Of course."

"Yeah, I don't agree with her either."

"Hey!"

"Did you think some of the best views were from the Statue of Liberty or at the top of the Empire State Building?"

"Definitely. It's a beautiful city."

"I live in New York... WHY DIDN'T YOU COME VISIT ME? WHY?"

"I'm sorry! I don't even know who you are!"

"Where was your favorite location you went to when you were on World Tour?"

"France was nice."

"Did you enjoy these questions?"

"Not really."

"I like to believe that I'm competing against crazytdifangirll101 for the most crazy, insane questions ever asked. Whose winning?"

"Uhm, I would have to say-"

"Okay, great. This interview is over." Sarah stood to stretch. "Now, how do we get out?"

"Leave that to me." Adrianna cracked her knuckled as she approached the door. Taking in a deep breath, she held out her arms and yelled. "Alakaboodle!" The door exploded, black fog creeping into the trailer, clouding everyone's vision. When the smog finally cleared, Adrianna was gone.

Auora held her stomach, coughing the toxin out of her lungs. "Huh, I guess she really is a witch."

"Oh my god, more brownies!" Adrianna exclaimed from afar.

"Brownies?"

"Wait, Auora, don't we need to-" but the girl was gone, chasing off in the direction of their friend's voice. "Oh well, I guess it's up to me to wrap this up. This has been the painstakingly boring interview of Cody. Please submit your questions for Beth. The more the merrier!"

"Sarah, Adrianna wants to take us for a ride on her broom!"

"Yipee! Anyways, submit, submit, submit!"

The black fog appeared, and suddenly Adrianna, Auora, and Izzy crammed into frame. "This has been... Total! Drama! Interviews!" The four shouted before they disappeared.

**x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x**

**Sarah: I know it sucks, but I really am sorry. Please submit questions for Beth! Happy Writing!**


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